The Pink-Ish Pickle LTE


Counting characters...

Day 1

This is the first sentence. BOOOOOM!!! It's done… I'm already at the fourth sentence. You know what? I'm more professional than other LTE’ers! is that how you say it. I don't know. Anyway.. I'm more professional.. So I'm creating a word quota.. I don't know what it is but trust me (actually dont) it exists. My computer is at 2% and is telling me I have 11 minutes left… so i'm going to use that to write here. I use the .. or the … thing too much so that I can't get criticized for improper punctuation… even if I didn't use it I would not be criticized because nobody is actually taking the time out of their day to read this… I’m currently sitting in an art room writing… What I am currently doing is breaking the laws of physics… It's great!! Oh no the physics police are after me now. Gotta run!! Just kidding there is no such thing as the physics police. Now that I have written all of this.. I felt like in the first few sentences it was going so fast... but now that i'm getting less random its taking more time to write… the patron saint of paperclips is the best human alive!! I sent an email telling her so. hers might not be the longest but is by far the most interesting. Since one of my friends discovered the website: he got me and a few others into reading it, and now i'm entering the world of LTE-ing with this!!! I suck at grammar so give me a break… please! I'm begging you!!?! I love using a question mark and exclamation point like this: chicken!!!?! Because it achieves an initially confident effect, but then it devolves into someone kinda questioning their own sanity a bit… It's so great!!!! My computer is now telling me that it's still at 2% but it only has 8 minutes left… this is the beginning of the end!!!!?! Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees! My computer is auto correcting that long yes to Yeh Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Which I think is really weird… I don't know why that is happening. It's very strange… I don't know why life is happening. It's very strange… bye! I'm back now. Just kidding! I don't exist! I'm listening to music to pick a track for a theatre piece we are doing in class… YES, I'm a theatre kid! dont judge me. We got to make submissions for songs we could listen to for the piece and I submitted megalovania. Someone the mii creator music, and the five minute crafts intro. It was great! Time to be more random. Lolcat is the best minecraft language setting. I play a lot of minecraft… like a lot of minecraft... too much minecraft... “do not pass your judgement unto me!” (in posh british accent)... that's how you say don't judge me all fancy and stuff. Cheese is the best thing since cheese! (and sliced bread, and me, and you, and life itself, and cheese, and gold, and trench coats, and demons, and yes!) Why is cheese! What is cheese! How is cheese! The real question is WHEN is cheese!! Cheese is not a wild thing!! So stop putting it in zoos, and in people's computers! stupid monkeys!! Monkeys like monkey cheese!! Cheese made out of monkeys! monkeys made out of cheese! Woooooo!! Cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeese!!! Long cheese! Short cheese!! Long paragraph!!! Short paragraph!! Cheese is watching!! Spaghetti! I don't really like spaghetti. I don't know why though, I don't hate it. I just don't like it for some reason. maybe it's the texture, maybe the taste, maybe something else, DONT hate on me for not really liking spaghetti!! Please!! I beg you!!!?! I'm not actually begging you though!! Bye!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm back now 7 minutes left on my battery somehow. I'm pretty sure my computer is lying to me… I've used this computer for like an hour… I'm gonna start numbering the days that I'm writing this… because that's cool!! The exclamation point at the end of this sentence marks around 4000 characters! Now you know! Not that you want to know.. or really know at all unless you check... maybe I'm lying! dun dun dun!! actually i'm not lying! dun dun dun!! that's why I said maybe I am lying instead of being certain that I am lying because I am in fact not lying! But that probably doesn't make sense anyway!! Over 4100 characters… but you won't know unless you check... so maybe i'm lying dun dun dun or maybe not dun dun dun so that's why I said maybe and all that and stuff... and i'm gonna stop being a broken record! But it's fun… but its not… but it's fun… but its not… but it's fun… but it's not… but it's fun… but it's not… but its fun!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Is holding down the button to make lots of that character breaking the rules of LTE-ing? Hopefully not… I mean it's not copy and paste… what are the rules anyway? Are there rules? I'm gonna stop talking/typing and leave now!!

Day 2

(in a sad tired voice) Whats up guys and welcome back to episode 1983678549 of my minecraft lets play… today we will keep trying to find herobrine… by breaking bedrock with a wooden pickaxe… I am sad… my life is a lie… the cake is a lie… this lets play is a lie… (2 hours of bedrock mining later) aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Okay that's it for today! comment like and subscribe!! See you all next time!!! (outro plays) Happy over 5000 character anniversary by the way! At this rate I will have an LTE long enough to be one in no time! Does an LTE have to have a length? Is it 20000 words? 10000? Is there a set length? Is what I have right now an LTE? Will I be recognized if I post this? Even if I get 100000 words I probably won't get recognized… I am sad now. That is a depressing statement! or is it! Was that great or was it GREAT!! It was awesome! That changed your life! probably not! Yay!! What is the point of an LTE? Is there a point? Is it fame? (spoiler: nope) is LTE-ing actually the meaning of life!!?! My name is Uiefuhgrvun9orip, not bob! Not that you thought it was bob in the first place!?! I just choked on an airhead trying to steal someone's computer... now I am constantly tasting airhead! Life is pain!! Just kidding, life is cheese!! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! grapes! Recently I have been saying grapes instead of great. I don't know why, but I just do! People get really confused but I DO NOT CARE!! By the way... we are at over 6000 Characters!! Not that you really care!! I doubt anyone but me is reading this right now. Why are half of the characters here just me talking/typing about talking, or typing! or the amount of characters I'm at!! or me talking/typing about me talking/typing about me talking/typing... (pretend this goes forever) Why am I even making paragraphs… it probably would look longer without them.. I wish I could change it but a lot of the stuff I have written revolves around the paragraphs existing… soooo… no deleting the paragraph breaks… who am I even talking to!!?! You know what!?! I'm deleting all of the paragraph breaks!!!! Except the day ones! We are now almost up to 7000 characters. That's grapes! We are currently at 6904 characters! Why did I feel you needed to know that… I HAVE NO IDEA!!!!!! This sentence will hopefully pass 7000! Yay it did that's grapes!! I don't know what to write next! That's bad!! Like extremely bad!!! Because that's literally the point of this whole thing!! writing!!! And I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO WRITE!!!!!! I just successfully summoned the physics police upon me by breaking newtons 32nd law “Thou shalt write about not writing!”. of course Newtons 32nd law does not exist! but nobody cares!!! I need to actually make a word quota... I think I said on day 1 that it existed. but I don't know what it is! today I am going to find out!! I think I might make it 3000 characters. I'm probably not gonna do that. I'm not doing this on the weekends (unless I get really bored)... if I do this for 2 weeks… 3000 characters a day... five days a week... I will make it to around 38000 characters which is more than some other LTE’s! Which is awesome!! it's nowhere near flaming chickens.. but it's something! Hey three pages in google docs!! There are lots of characters already!! Do you know how many!! 8000 characters!! Grapes!! Most of this LTE is me talking about how many characters i'm at.. and when i'm done with that I write like a couple of random sentences then do it again!!! 8177 Characters!! now 8200 characters!! Bye!! Just kidding! I don't exist!! I've said that twice now! That's grapes!! I almost never use commas in this, or periods, I almost always punctuate my sentences with an exclamation point or a “...”, or maybe even a “..”!!! This LTE is pretty random! I am in a car that is currently parked outside of a “papa murphys” that is situated next to a “cricket”! Does a “cricket” store sell crickets! I put the quotation marks on the names of the store’s so that you didn't get confused as to why the papa murphys was situated next to a random insect.. not that you would have gotten confused... but you might have! then again, this whole thing is kinda confusing!! But that's also kinda the point of LTE’s.. is to be very entertaining.. and boring at the same time! If you are currently reading this… I don't know who you are, but you are thoroughly wasting your time!!

Day 5

I did not write on monday/yesterday because we did not have school, and I wasn't bored enough to write. I believe the Oxford comma should be used, because if you don't use it, there can be lots of confusion. “The oxford comma can sometimes create more confusion though”, some might say. but it still answers more questions than it creates, and therefore should be used in modern writing. It is a necessary step towards a less confusing future! (plus it will be our chief defence against the squid uprising of 2021).. Is there a point to this.. Life I mean.. NOPE! And I couldn't care less about it!! What is the definition of the word definition.. if you don't know what definition means then you can’t get the definition of definition!! That's weird! You know how when you stand on your hands it's called a handstand.. Well if you stand on your feet is it a footstand… I want an official flaming chickens handbook! The patron saint of paper clips said that it would come in the mail.. but it never did… it kinda makes you wonder if the official flaming chickens handbook really even exists.. I question my own sanity!! I hate that I have to say this but.. I have not yet read the entirety of the flaming chickens LTE! I am sad about this fact. but do you know what will cheer me up! that I am currently half way to creating an LTE longer than another respected LTE so (probably not) I might get recognized as a respected LTE-er!! (I’m currently over 10500 characters)!! My school day is almost over. I have 5 minutes left on my computer. and I am nowhere near my word quota!! But I’m too lazy to do anything about it. so I’m gonna just pretend I hit my quota and forget about it!! I had a really bad 3rd grade teacher. My friend was literally diagnosed with PTSD because of my third grade teacher! I accidentally said “I love you” to some random person I barely know.. They walked away before I could say that I didn't mean to say that, so I just made someone think that I had an attraction to them even though I really don't.. OOPS! I don't know if they are gonna spread that rumor, but that's gonna be awkward next time I see them. Hopefully that doesn't turn into some kind of drama or something! Hopefully they thought I said something else, or didn't hear me, hopefully they don't have feelings for me that i'm about to crush!! Bold text! Italic text! Underlined text! Everything at the same time!! Alright I’m done!! We did an empathy exercise and I got a funny story.. and my partner got a serious one, and it was awkward!! seeya!!

Day 6

This is the fourth page in google docs. I don't know why I felt you needed to know this.. This is likely not even in google docs if you are reading it.. That thing on the oxford comma earlier was a thing for school I wrote in here.. then copy and pasted it into another doc to turn it in.. but I almost accidentally turned this in.. that would not have ended well!! Here is a fun fact. Just last week I learned to blow bubbles with bubblegum, I mean it has “bubble” in the name and yet I still haven't blown a bubble with it until a week ago! That scares me! I have yet to read through this text yet to see the downward spiral of my own sanity as our great overlord the patron saint of paperclips has! I am a failure! Do you know how I write this? no you don't? I write a bunch of stuff without punctuation because it's quicker then go back through and fix spelling errors, and add dots, and commas, and exclamation points, and question marks, etc! so right now a whole half of this day is just a jumble of words which will then be turned into a punctuated jumble of words!! neat!!! But not really though!! It's actually very lazy!! Despite what I might have thought, I actually almost hit my word quota for the day yesterday! That's great! I'm not even halfway to doing it today though. but I’m at lunch which is only like a quarter of the way through the day so hopefully I will have plenty of time! What am I gonna do during the summer since I don't have school? will I still be able to write? are they going to take my computer (this is a school issued computer)? If I was on a video call with you and I claimed I was holding an invisible dog? you wouldn't be able to prove me wrong! That would be awesome!! I was going to hang out with my friends today at lunch but instead I’m sitting in a corner in a hallway doing this.. just so you know I am older than 10 at the time of writing this.. I am in middle school.. I don't want to give away personal information (I don't know why because nobody is actually reading this) but I'm not really a kid.. You know what? I’m creating an official pink-ish pickle handbook!! The cult of the pink-ish pickle is the best thing to ever not really exist!! CODE 24 of the pink-ish pickle handbook clearly states: if you will not believe that the cult of the pink-ish pickle does not exist then you shall be punished severely (unless you are a dog)! Speaking of.. Dogs are the best thing to happen ever since the dawn of time and even before that! If there is a before that.. I already forgot what I wrote about like 10 lines ago because I am just going with the flow of this text (if there really is a flow)! I am about 300 characters away from my daily quota plus I am already almost at 15500 Characters! I just re-read my LTE so far! And I can say you can definitely see that I have slowly gotten more insane as this has gone on!! This is not GRAPES for my mental health… but i'm going to keep going because i'm already so insane that I'm going to keep going.. and going.. and going.. and going.. and.. going see i'm ever repeat.. repeat...repeating.. Myself! have you ever written (or said) a single word so many times that it looks (or sounds) like it's not ever a real word anymore.. because I just did that! Yay!! That's GRAPES!!! Yay! I made my word quota for the day!! And I got to over 15044 characters!! As CODE 26 of the pink-ish pickle handbook states: if the author/leader of the pink-ish pickles passes 15000 characters the author shall be very proud of themselves and if you/the reader are not also proud of the author then you shall be subjected to vague pain-like sensations in your right pinky toe..

Day 7

I started this a week ago and it feels like yesterday! Honestly I feel like I’m still 7 soo.. That's not saying much.. I am almost at 5 pages!! I don't know why I bestowed that knowledge upon you!! But I did! How old is the patron saint of paperclips now? I am too lazy to go all game theory on the flaming chickens longest text ever to find the age, name, and current political standing of the patron saint of paperclips. Ok well im an idiot and decided to do exactly the opposite of what I just said! So I tried to find out the age, (full) name, and current political standing of the patron saint of paperclips.. Code 19 of the unofficial official pink-ish pickle handbook states that: if the author should steal ideas from the original flaming chickens LTE (i.e: making a fake handbook for a fake cult) they shall be punished severely via invisible pains in the hands because of overuse due to trying to write a really bad LTE!!! I just read on the news that a goose got high off of pills left in a forest… I got really depressed because humanity is doomed! but then immediately happy because of the fact that there was a picture of the high goose at the top of the article!! There is currently someone trying to comment on this doc.. They have also read the flaming chickens LTE and they are saying things about “meg” and stuff like that! Just thought you should know.. “My day is almost over and I have written like nothing today” I said sadly.. then I realized this doesn't matter anyway, so I DON'T CARE!!!! Nobody besides me and my friend will probably even know that this exists!! Time for me to go on a rant! I have F’s and D’s in most of my classes (it's the beginning of second semester) because my teachers won't grade my dang assignments!! Some (mostly other teachers, and parents who don't understand) say “teachers are people too, and grading takes time out of their day” well I say “kids are people too, and doing the dang assignments takes time out of our day!! Plus all they have to do is check if we are right or wrong!! but we have to do things by ourselves!! Without a dumb answer book!!” I’m better at maths then my maths teacher is! “Those who cannot do: teach” is VERY true!!!!!! Ok I’m done.. I have 15 minutes left until the end of the day!! Then I’m going to go home and learn how to play “Sweden” by C418 on the piano.. even though I’m a noob at piano.. but you gotta learn sometime.. so screw it!! Ok bye!!

Day 8

It has now been more than a week since I started this weird project!! Woo! I have now caused myself mental pain for 8 days straight!! My friend.. (the one that I talked about earlier with the goose stuff..) he is now making a website called the shrine of the goose.. It is devoted solely to weird random stuff (its sorta like flaming chickens but focused on geese).. I am sitting down right now! Speaking of.. What qualifies as lying down vs sitting?? That's a strange question.. with a probably equally strange answer.. but I’m too lazy to find out… my friend is once again reeking havoc in the comments on this doc.. SHUT IT!! That was him… YOU DUMB NERD!!! That was him again.. I don't know why I’m accepting his suggestions… I really am a dumb nerd!! Lol!!! Again im at the end of the day and still have got (almost) nothing written

Day 11

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA Sanity quickly draining!!! Just kidding! I don't exist!! I Have recently appointed myself patron saint of weirdly coloured pickles!! Isn't that great!! Ow! my hands have suddenly begun to hurt!! In compliance with CODE 19 of the pink-ish pickle handbook!! My school day is almost over again again and I have written basically nothing!! Not that I actually have to write anything.. This is my choice.. I could abandon this now and never do it again and nobody.. not even me.. would care.. And yet.. I still put pressure on myself regarding writing a specific amount per day!! WHY!!!

Day 12

Okay, I have a rant.. WHY DO GUMMY WORMS EXIST!!! Why would a reasonable human want to eat a gummy (which tastes the exact same might i add) that is shaped like a worm, which is inedible! vs eat a gummy shaped like a fruit, that is edible!! Why!! Why are people stupid enough to want to eat a worm rather than a fruit!!! what is this teaching kids!! to eat worms!? That's like saying “do you want to eat something shaped like poison or an apple” and then everyone picks the poison!! Why do people like gummy worms!!! I am still wondering why probably most of this at this point is me writing about writing? Speaking of… only another (about) 1000 characters until my LTE is longer than another LTE that is recognized!! Yay!! In fact I already have more words but soon I will also have more characters!! Shout outs to Kenneth Iman’s LTE!!! My friend is working on a website that is kind of an LTE hub.. he is going to find most of the LTE’s ever created and put them on one website! which as far as I know has never been done before!! Shout outs to Mckenzie (a.k.a the person in the comments and also the person that makes the weird websites)!! The last three days put together doesn't even hit my word quota for one day… but nobody cares anyway so… why am I even doing this in the first place.. For fun maybe… probably… I haven't actually put this on a website yet… I haven't even started on a website that I might put this on yet… I'm gonna do that right now!! This is awesome!! This is a great website!! Wow!! Okay.. now what the heck do I do now.. I can't think of anything to write about! that sucks!! Sorry that this is a neocities site.. I am poor.. and therefore cannot afford my own domain.. But look on the bright side.. somehow you found this and are currently reading it!! Maybe you hate it! but I don't care… I don't know who you are.. Or what your name is... or if anyone is actually reading this!! But if you are reading this… Thank you! for wasting time in your life that you will never get back!! On this pile of garbage!!! Hopefully watching me go quickly insane, (over the span of 12 days now) in writing form has made you at least somewhat more happy! or sad.. this text is actually a mind control device!!! Mwahahaha!!! Just kidding!! I don't exist!! I have 1% left on my computer, and it's about to die! so i'm going to write until it does.. because im stupid! It died.. so i put it on the charger.. Like a smart person.. Even though I am very un-smart! But I had to use it for an assignment in one of my classes.. so I decided to actually be responsible for once!! Cool!

Day 13

too un-bored to write!! wooooooooo!! That's grapes!

day 14

This is my last class of the day and then I'm going home.. And I'm only starting to write... But the good news is yesterday my friend from my elementry school got into my current school! And yesterday was his first day! We had lunch together.. Had a reunion thing.. That was fun! I dont know why I'm talking about serious things you and I might actually care about! Thats not what you want right!?! You want insanity! Why do potatoes grow in the ground.. They are not very well hidden.. They have a thing that goes above ground to get sun.. Why not just stay below ground and get nutrients from the dirt!? Evolution is stupid a lot of the time! It created humans.. Which are currently destroying the planet!! *maniacle laugh* Oops!

day 15

Hello fellow humans! (unless you are not human)!! My friend (not mckenzie) showed me a news report that said "{insert name here} was alive hours before he died!"! that was really funny!!

day 18

I was lazy so I took a break because as I have mentioned: I dont actually have to do this! i'm doing this because I want too!! anyways I decided to do this because my friend (Mckenzie) is making an LTE.. so yay! this is the link! also today is march 6th 2020 im saying this mostly for myself, so when I abandon this and find it again and write a new entry.. then I can know what day to write!

day 323

Hello, I am alive. it has been almost a year, ummmmmm... nobody cares? ok. it is January 5th 2021. Also, my punctuation has gotten better, I don't use as many "..."'s now.. DANG IT! Ummmm.. Mckenzie, if you are reading this (which I will make sure you do), update ur LTE again, or else! or else what?!?!?! I DONT KNOW!!!! I am doing online school now, I am currently in a zoom called "Science class". I am supposed to be listening to what my teacher is talking about, but I am not. is that illegal? Porbably not. I am stressed that my dad will walk in suddenly and discover that I am not paying attention, probably. See you when I am bored enough to do this again!!!!?!!

day 329

Greetings peculiar pickle people, i am very tired! So, I am writing today. i dont know what im writing about, pretty much buisness as usual. i am going crazy. anyways, another one of friends is making an LTE. after all of these years, he has finally discovered the magic of LTE's! And both me and mckenzie are coming out of LTE retirement! So both of their LTE's are now linked at the bottom of the page, along with the original flaming chickens LTE. I might make a youtube video about the rather unknown LTE community, maybe not. just kidding! i dont exist!! (its been a while since ive done that.. it feels good to be back..) and always reeeeemeber, life is short, I could abandon this any second and go do something with my life. regardless, have a noice day! Just kidding! im back! oh, and i dont exist! Ok, so you probably arent wondering why I stopped saying how many words I am at. and why my spelling, grammer, punctuation, and stuff like that has gotten worse. Well, its because when I started this LTE, I didnt want to have a website with only a little bit of text, i wanted to have something so it wasnt so empty. so I started the LTE of a google doc, which has word count and spell check. then I made it into a website. and now, instead of writing in the doc. im writing straight into the html console, so i can see all the code and stuff. thats also why sometimes there are things wear I would change the font and stuff, or use italic text. but that didnt carry over into the html console, and im too lazy to remove it. so it is going to stay, i wonder if people actually check this often, i have around 230 hits, but some are prolly me and/or mckenzie, so. and if i had people who actually followed this frequently, they probably stoopped checking after I left for a year. So even less people will actually see these words, sad.. but not really, this is kinda crazy and I dont tell many people about it because even if I did, then they would probably stop talking to me, the only people ive really showed this to are mckenzie and busterddog, nobody else really kno- my dad just almost walked in on me typing in this. that wouldve been bad, if my dad ever sees this. im sorry. also, mckenzie just send me an email that his touchpad (on his school computer) broke, which sucks for him. My sense of humor hasnt changed much since last year, so using the old jokes from this LTE isnt that hard. except for the part where I made a handbook thing and appointed myself patron saint of something, that was kinda blatant plagarism. but who cares, I certainly dont. I think day one was actually the day I wrote the most, is was a lot more random. but it was a lot bigger, maybe I should return to my LTE roots, maybe??? i have no idea! also, this is my longest entry since the gummy worms rant, yay! Ok, Cya when I get bored again!!

day 330

Hey, I'm back. Today is a special day, well it was actually yesterday. but nobody cares. so, BusterDdog did his first rant! I know.. "only one rant!".. but he has to start somewhere, baby steps.. maybe someday he will have an LTE to rival mine.. probably not though, he hasnt even stolen anything from the flaming chickens LTE yet.. btw his rant was about school, online school.. which sucks. i got a lot of sleep last night but i am still really tired, i dont know why.. I might start working on the script for the LTE video, but i have a lot of other scripts in the wprks right now. including some for school, so maybe not yet. i will let you know.. anyways, i am tired. seeya laters!

day 331

So, ummmm... BusterDdog made a speech, on his LTE.. idk if you count that as a rant or what.. but he is rallying people to say syrup instead of seeya.. so, do that.. i need to go do real life stuff, so.. seey- i mean, syrup!

day 363

Greetings gozarians (yes, that was a ghostbusters refrence..), im back.. the day after tommorow is the 1 year anniversary of the start of this LTE.. i might do something on that day, maybe not though.. Also, i updated the look of the site to make it look nicer.. all of the day parts are bigger, the mage at the top is smaller, there is a title at the top.. its cool! Anyways, BusterDdog updated his LTE.. so, go check that out with the link and the bottom of the site.. also, i have some top-secret info about his name: its not buster, nor does he have a dog named buster.. idk where that name came from.. Maybe he can update his LTE and tell me *wink* *wink* *nudge* *nudge*.. alrighty im just gonna say it, HEY EVERYBODY, UPDATE UR LTES! do you know what i just realized? no? ok.. so i just realized i am the only person in our little LTE group that constantly yells at everyone to update their LTEs.. but then i take long breaks and dont update mine.. weird.. alrighty, syrup!

day 364

Hi,i have returned with exciting news! (idk if that is spelled correctly)! I have figured out a way (i think) to send everyone notifications that the LTE has been updated! I think that if you join a google docs, as the owner i can email everyone simultainously, and, since it is a google docs it also doubles as a chatroom! I know, i have the most amazing ideas. anyways, im gonna go do that. i will update the website when im done.

day something

Hello, i am to lazy to figure out the day (its been at least 3 days since the last entry, but idk.). so, this is day something. i am making this to notify you i completely forgot about the docs thing, i might go work on that now. So, i that might be up within a reasonable timeframe. bye for now!

srsly tho what day is it

All hail the holy pie god! The being of three identities, please spare me from your holy punishment! (Please)


idk why im updating this, i have nothing to say.. i still need to figure out what day it is..soooo, thats fun.. Goldfish (the snack cracker not the real fish) are better than Cheez-Itz (also a snack cracker but idk what you would confuse that for).. fight me, goldfish are just better.. umm, go check out the LTE's at the bottom of the page. two of them are my friends, and then the flaming chickens LTE.. which is prolly the best one.. other than mine of course *cool sunglasses emoji*..

This day is just the chrome dino game

why was yesterday the chrome dino game?!?!

i have no idea..

Another day

Ok, hey guys.. im still not gonna figure out what day it is, but.. i finally did the chatroom thingy! idk why i didnt do it for so long.. but, if anyone wishes to like, chat with me on google docs.. or recieve LTE update emails, then join this google doc..

I still havent figured out the day again idk plz halp

hi, im back. just kidding, i dont exist!! Anyways, i killed the chatroom and update thing... i dont think anyone visits this site. idk what im doing here.. Mckenzie updated his LTE.. check it out with one of the links at the bottom of the page. He also has a new LTE hub, which you can access today for the low low price of clicking the link to it thats on his website!! My science class sucks cause its very boring, i have a teacher named Mr. Joy (YES THATS ACTUALLY HIS NAME). Ironically, he spreads boredom, which is the oppsite of joy.

I wonder what the day is?

So, im in a boring school meeting thing. It is way too formal, and im not sure its even legally binding or whatever, we're approving budgets and plans for the various clubs and things in the school.. and im not our groups representative, or the alternate, so im just here, typing. I think the people sitting next to me are wondering what im doing, i should prolly not be doing this. Anyways, yesterday i went to a rock climbing thing. It was more of a knot tying thing, we did very little climbing, but we learned to operate the belays and tie the knots. I learned a knot that allows me to make a noose. So i guess i have that skill now, and this boring meeting is making me want to use that skill. Also also, Mckenzies LTE is being updated semi-frequently, so go check that out. He made a new better LTE HUB, which is cool. I like cheese, idk.. random stuff.. uhhhhhh.. Goodbye, just kidding, i dont exist. (Do i exist?)

DAY 582

GUYS, I FIGURED OUT THE DAY, BY GOOGLING "How many days has it been since march 4th, 2020?" (for those of you who dont know, first, why are you here? Second, thats the day i started the LTE.) I'm in the boring school meeting again, exactly one week after the last meeting. So, i was thinking about several things. At what point does something become cooked? Like, if put something in the oven, and watch it, at what point is it cooked and not raw? Also, what is the difference between bacon, pork, and ham? They are litterally all just sliced pig meat, what are the qualifying traits of bacon vs ham or pork? Also, its the time of year where it gets very cold very quick. A week ago it was mid 80's, and now its like 40's. Big drop in temperature. I ate lunch outside (this meeting takes place right after lunch), and it was SO cold. However, despite the unfavourable temperature, i made no effort to stay warm. So, now my hands are numb, and its very hard to type this. On top of all that, this meeting is in like the coldest place in the whole school. Okay, bye! just kidding, i dont exist! (ALSO, GO CHECK OUT MCKENZIE'S LTE, LINK AT THE BOTTOM OF THIS SITE!!)

DAY Something, crap i lost count again. Whiletrue LTE info!

REGARDING THE STATE OF THE WHILETRUE LTE! So, mckenzie recently checked the whiletrue LTE. And it was deleted and replaced with a message in a language google translate cannot.. translate. I know what language it is! it is written in a conlang called votgil (a conlang is a constructed language, bessically its a language somebody made up). So, Here is the link to votgil. (the website can translate the message!). And here is a link to the LTE HUB. And here is a link to the whiletrue LTE (or rather the message). SO, WITHOUT FURTHER ADO!! THE MESSAGE SAYSS (BTW this is a very rough literal translation):

"hello all you see most (loq) write receiver at this time i write the write receiver by anti english you probable total not understand this but (wot) that be okay you not need (wot) understand i crazy write gerund but (wot) if (wot) you understand also that be good that even be very good if (wot) you can (wot) say by anti english i want (wot) know you except if (wot) you be anti good person or some thing but (wot) i probable already know all which person know anti english anti english be which not lot person plural know language most person plural suppose (wot) anti english only be that one funny language of that video of (yön) (mys) (uly) and (wot) this person plural suppose (wot) anti english be anti good because only (wot) (yön) (mys) (uly) was say (wot) anti english be anti good i not enjoy this (yön) (mys) (uly) say lot anti correct thing plural in that video the video be very anti new the video was make passive during ranked six one zero two year (yön) (mys) (uly) even was say i suggest (wot) you not see focus any which i make video before ranked eight one zero two year for that logic (mys) (uly) probable also know (wot) that video about anti english be anti good but (wot) i say about this concept during too long time i probable should anti begin i should write about which other thing more interest in this very long write receiver but (wot) i not can (wot) good write about any thing this be anti good i could will begin (wot) know good concept for write gerund (wot) anti before some time i will anti begin i write gerund at this time but (wot) i could begin the write gerund at other time anti hello"

More Whiletrue translation!!

So, i am going to attempt to better translate the message above. (Jan Misali is a youtuber that reviews conlangs) (mostly fully translated)

hello all! You see most LTE's now are written in english. But i write my LTE in Votgil. Most of you probably dont understand this. But thats okay. You dont need to understand my crazy writings. But if you understand that would be good. That may even be very good. If you speak votgil, i want to get to know you. Except if you're a bad person or something. But i probably already know everyone that speaks votgil. Not a lot of people speak votgil. Most people probably only know votgil as that funny language from that video by Jan Misali, and they think votgil is bad, only because Jan Misali said that votgil is bad. i dont like that Jan Misali said a lot of wrong things in that video. The video is very old. The video was made during 2016. Jan Misali even said "i suggest you not pay attention to any video i've made before 2018." By that logic Misali probably knows that video about votgil is bad. But, ive talked about this for too long. i probably should stop. i should write about something more interesting in this LTE. But i cant write well about anything. Thats bad. i'll figure out something good to write about after some time. im gonna stop writing now. but i could start writing this at another time. Bye!

Day 639

SO, I discovered an LTE. I went on google using strange keywords to hunt for LTE's. AND I ACTUALLY FOUND ONE! So, thats good. Also, i'm at 37,426 charactersss!! coolio like julio, and when i say coolio like julio thats pretty coolio because julio is pretty coolio. Also, also, Mckenzie is doing cool stuff with his LTE, go check that out (link is at the bottom of the page)! Also, also, also, i was half asleep walking down a hallway in my house and i kicked a vacuum on accindent and like cracked my toenail in half, which is bad. Also, also, also, also, i'm gonna add the LTE HUB to the bottom of the page too! I am also killing the link to BusterDdog's LTE, cause i dont think hes updating it anymore! Death, dead. The death of the BusterDdog link has enabled the LTE HUB link to LIVE!! *mad science laughter* (also)

Day ?????????????????????

Friday night is goose night, not to be confused with game night, or cheesy queso. (=

Day No

Whyyyyy? Why can i not keep track of the dayyyyyy. Cheesey Quesooo? 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 8. Where did 7 go? Did it get arrested for eating 9?? Did it steal cheesy queso from the local bank? Why is 7 mysteriously abesnt?!?! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH


So, Mckenzie added darkmode so it would easier for my dumb eyes to read on these stupid chromebook thingys.

Afternoon not night or day, please let me know what day it is. Im stranded on an island with no calendars.

I like sour cream and onion chips. (:

*Follows on all 349 facebook accounts*

Somewhere over the rainbow

Grapes and stuff. Cheese in bucket. NOOOO, modern mathematics is incomplete and broken! Somebody once told me, the world was gonna roll me. I'n not the sharpest tool in the airplane. So, you know how in music there is psychedelic rock, and in art there is modern or abstract art, which is like the psychedelic version of normal art. There is a psychedelic form of almost every form of art except writing. I think LTE's are just psychedelic writing. Pretty cool dolphin huh..

What is a day? I honestly forgor

G'mornin', Sooooo.. UHHHHHHHH. Talking. Stuff. LTE. I has returned. I has died. Bye. Just kidding, I dont exist! Also hey future me that is the only one looking at this, today is june 1st 2022, first day of pride monthhh! YEA. Anyway, I've been doing stuff for a bit. I started playing guitar a few months ago (I think more than 6 months), and I'm ALRIGHT at it now. I've always been interested in producing my own music, especially quirky simplistic acoustic music, so im doing that now occasinally. So, thats cool I guess. music boi. I've always liked writing lyrics and the i've liked that idea of performing music/learning an instrument so I could make that simple lyric focused acoustic music that I like. So.. Yeah. that i've Ummmmmmm.. Okay my class is ending I might talk and lte Later so byee for nowww!

I am now in my next class after that one and it is almost the end of class again but I dunno what to write. I just finished a multi-day maths test, I think I did alright (like a B+), and I'll take that. So, yeah I hope that went as well or better than i think it did. I might leave a link to some of my music here later, wait, actually nobody actually visits this site except me so I can just find the music in my files when I look back on this entry in the LTe. So, no music link for me! HAHA, future me! you're gonna have to look in your old files or youtube and find the music your fricken self! HAHAAHAHAHAHA. Also, I just realized I can put emojis in my LTE. 🎵

Wearing beige on a grey day

okay so, a lot has changed since I started this. My age (obviously), my gender, my opinion on string theory. Oh yeah, I'm a girl btw idk if I ever even suggested I was anything else throughout this LTE but just to clarify I am in fact girl. anyway, I've been writing much more music as of late, mostly guitar focused with lyrics but I've also done some more nerdy production and mixing stuff recently with drums and synths interwoven with different types of guitar; pretty cool I think. HMMMMMM.. I wonder if I've ever used a semicolon before in this, probably not. maybe that was a first for the penguin. The penguin is named archie, and they are very cool and nice, and also the physcial manifestation of this website; sorta like the weird pie thing mckenzie had going on a while back. btw it is currently nov 3rd of 2022 (saying this so I can date it later.. wait no, like find the date I don't want to be in a relationship with a penguin). anyways.. how is everyone doing? absolute silence WOW THATS GREAT TO HEAR!?!?@?! Anyway, I am like.. supposed to be doing stuff right now in literary arts (poetry and shiz) class, but i'm not, because this is more important (somehow). anyway, I think me and mckenzie may have gotten our friend harry into LTE-ing, which is GREAT (Until the fabric of the universe implodes). so that may be a thing soon, mckenzie has to help with it tho cos harry sucks at html. ALSO, mckenzie got sick today, and had to go home. loser. well i mean "got sick" is a bit misleading, to my knowledge he was already sick but just started to feel sick when arriving at class, so had to go home (like a loser). ANYWAY ANYWAY ANYWAY, that sickness is probably not related but quite possibly related to the fact that yesterday evening during d&d club (yes I'm a cool kid so therefore part of our schools d&d club after school (founded by harry)), and instead of focusing and playing d&d we snorted crystal light powder (the caffinated ones for extra kick), and lemme just say, that was a MISTAKE AND A HALF cos it actually effected us physically and mentally for the rest of club so we couldn't get anything doneee (except for killing some stupid goblins). also also recently I coudlmt remember the name of somebody i talk with so i was just like "your name is britney now" and so her name is britney now cos its easier to remember. so HI BRITNAY if you're reading this (you are not in fact reading this). anyway, goodhibegoodbyeinthefacewithacrappystrawberrymilkshake. also, no, I'm not currently cheeseburger, but I want one. OH NO THE BOLD IS LEAKING BUT IDK FROM WHERE AHHH. i just closed the bold here so its gone for the remainder (if any) of the LTE, weird. anyway crysis cant run on my computer and was also averted good job me hahahahahahaha. go away. also yes this entry was canon to the rest of the LTE if you were wondering, only one entry isn't canon but I'll never tell you which one it is.

nov 8 night 8 of fnaf (technically speaking)

anyway, its 12;15 AM and I'm thinking about the heat death of the universe. also, I found these people called the YESTERWEB and they like are reviving the old internet style and philosophy ya know? and I guess this website kinda fits into that category, but it's also very much probably not pretty enough to get accepted into their webring so I kinda regret applying. whatevs, good thing about old internet is if these people hate me i can leave forever or just die (by die I mean rejoin with a new username and hope nobody knows). anyway, that is to say. this may not be the "main" page for much longer, I may do a TOTAL renovation, wouldn't that just put some sweet and sour sauce on your chicken nuggets. I know it would. Anyway, good morning. (WHY IS GOOD MORNING AND GOOD EVENING (SOMETIMES) A GREETING BUT GOOD NIGHT AND GOOD AFTERNOON (SOMETIMES) ARE NOT LIKE WTF) Okay one more thing, mckenzies LTE is above 100,000 characters, so CONGRATS you ABSOLUTE NERD. Also, that LTE is SOO much bigger and updated so much more I have almost no hope of ever catching up now. back in my day, I had more characters but now his is almost TRIPLE mine. I KNOW YOU'RE TASTING THIS SENTENCE WITH YOUR EYEBALLS MCKENZIE AND I HOPE IT TASTES BAD, LIKE THAT STRAWBERRY COKE POWDER STUFF, YOU ARE A NERD AND A LOSER (not as big of a nerd or loser as harry but i don't think anything can top that anyway, HE EVEN WEARS GLASSES NOW (ignore the fact I also wear glasses))!! D:

ALSO I JUST REALIZED THERE IS A SNEAKY LEAK OF ITALIC FROM THE BOLD SPILL GODDAMNIT. I'LL FIX THAT HERE. OKAY im gonna attempt to cap the leak at the source but idk if it'll work cos of all the confusion I've done myself so lets find out. I've managed to fix it for the most part with only some permanent long term side damage. okay now bye bye


Do NOT listen to knockton (potato LTE on the hub (LTE HUB NOT ANY OTHER KIND OF HUB)) or mckenzie, my LTE is far superior. Though it is shorter, it has more FLAVOUR! Which means it is better. It is flavourful, like me. I am full of flavour and therefore flavourful just like cheeseburgers, which i keep craving for some reason. Maybe I'll get one later. ANYWAY Im in class and also anyway mckenzie has probably updated his LTE, which is cool, I haven't checked today but it is being updated very often now so it is a good bet. OMG AAAAAAAAAAAAA idk what to write about. I need to write because I'm like spectating the battle of knock person and mckenzie for 3rd place while i am in like 42nd place. SOI MUST WRITE LIKE MY LIFE DEPENDS ON IT. ALSO, I need to be writing an essay right now in class and instead I'm writing this. MAYBE, I'll submit this as my essay and the teacher will be so confused she gives me an A+++++. So you know the thought experiment where there are infinite monkeys on infinite typewriters hitting keys randomly and eventually they write everything right like litterally anything that has could or will be written is written by them at some point MAYBE RIGHT NOW. I think LTE's are a bit like that, so if I copy paste all the LTE's into the essay submission there has to be an arguementative essay in there somewehre right?!!? SOMEWHERE IN THE VOID A MONKEY IS WRITING THIS LTE.


GUYS GALS AND NON-BINARY PALS I MAY BE DYING. What I mean is, my mom got covid, and then I went over to my moms, and now a few days later; I FEEL SICK!!>!?!?! I may be a spreader of the covid-19 virus, maybe ill make a vlog about it. HEY PEOPLE, WELCOME BACK TO EPISODE 1 OF THE START OF THE END OF THE BEGINNING OF THE ONGOING INTRO TO MY OLD SERIES WHICH I JUST STARTED!!!?! I am the PATRON SAINT OF STRANGLY COLOURED PICKLES and I am sick with what is likely the COVID-19 virus and I am going to TAKE YOU ALL DOWN WITH ME! THATS RIGHT, im gonna try to spread this virus as much as possible against the wishes of the CDC. I am AT SCHOOL, cos I only feel like a bit sick at the moment, but it has gotten worse as the day progresses so it is entirely possible I won't go tommorow. But so like I need to write in this thing. But my brain is QUITE FRAZZELEd so im kinda currently unable to form many cohesive thoughts. WAIT lets go through my symptomssss, I have a headache, quite likely a fever, I am dizzy even while sitting still, my throat feels WONKY and weird and kinda hurts, I also have like a weird gooey irony taste in my mouth, not like blood but like a really bland ham sandwhich with a bit too much mayonaise and a side of PAIN. Also, im like generally weak and stuff, like tired mentally and pysically, well, more than normal. I also also also aaaaaaaaaaaa have a stomach ache a bit and occasionaly nausea (like the minecaft effect). So, its safe to say I feel kinda bad, and I am most likely actually sick and not just randomly having a headache like sometimes. I've felt like this since this morning and its gotten worse progressively throughout the day. I AM TIRED. So, honestly I should probably go home cos everyone I know is probsbly getting covid from me. However I had a brother also at my moms who was sick with like something other than covid ( i know who does and doesnt have it cos of tests), so IT IS possible I have whatever he did instead of covid whoever his sore throat was much worse and there were not as many additional symptoms so like thats good for him BUT THAT MEANS ITS MORE LIKELY COVIDDDSDAGE9WEFHDIUFBSA EEEEEE. Okay also, there is a person in d&d club who had an online (but still sexual) relationship with someone who was 21 years of age, but like they are a freshman and 14. So like thats probably not okay but they are both fine with it I guesss so idk what to do in that situation so I'm like just telling the non-existent fake imaginary people (and also mckenzie and knockdownton) that read my LTE. ANYWAY CLASS IS ENDING SO BYE UNLESS I UPDATE THIS LATER (I won't)!!!?!


mckenzies character count on the hub is inaccurate now. get trolled. cheeseburgers are cool aren't they. HAHAHAAH good luck with your cheeseburger.

so, things. dec 5 2022

but also no. So I HAVE COME (arrived not semen) to protest MCKENZIE because he is doing a thing. That THING is putting his LTE on a schedule of weekly updates on friday, where he updates the publically accessible BETA page and then pushes it to the main LTE. I HATE this, because this is just an extra button press to go to the beta page for no reasonnn. ALSO he FORGOT last friday and so the beta page update won't get pushed to the main LTE until this fir(tree)day (unless mkenzie complies with my complaints in a futile attempt to serve one of his very few frequent costumers). Anyway, bye. LISTEN TO CRYWANK OR I WILL EAT YOUR COLON. Seriously crywank is a really good anti-folk/folk-punk band, its really great and I've listened to ALL of it. I suggest listening to 'Fist Me Til Your Hand Comes Out My Mouth' LAST and 'Tommorow Is nearly Yesterday And Everyday Is Stupid' FIRST, and then 'Wearing Beige On A Grey Day' SECOND, and then test all the other albums to find your own order from there. ALTERNATIVELY you could listen to them in the order they came out for the crywank street cred (if any).But I suggest finding your own order first and then listening to them all in order to get the full story. (but I do suggest you always listen to the full albums at a time instead of switching it up at least at first cos swtiching can get chaotic cos of the crazyness and genre shifts). Anywya bye (no scam this time), unless.. JK (crywank song) I'm already dead (or whatever the old joke used to be). Honestly im just saying bye until class ends but idk when that is. ummmm.. nvm I suck so im gonna go and listen to crywank BYE. (also listen to my music too ig, come to my house and listen to me play live or smth idk, stalk me) DO IT STALK ME I DARE YOU AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh. Anyway, so.. LOL. Bye.. maybe. okay bye im breaking up with you never text this number again. die (like the singular of dice like in DND). Anyways, goodbye. Bye bye. Seeya, I hope I don't wake up the next time I slep. AAHHHHHH!! What please let me leave no no no. OKAY BYE FR RN TBH IMO!

day 1095

past day 1000 now, time flies when you're being tormented eternally! ANYWAY, I am so very sorry it has been a while I could lie and say I've been busy which would actually be true and therefore not a lie but instead im going to say the honest truth which is untrue that i have more important things for my lazy arse to be doing. Disregard that last sentence please, please, please, omg why won't you disregard it you stupid fu- . . . Okay I need to calm down.. takes deep breath and then dies. . . OKAY so I copied mckenzies idea of making a main site which was actually my idea that i said outloud (and maybe here but probably not) several weeks before he started making the main page so actually it was my own very original idea that I stole from like every website that has ever had a main title page thing. So anyway, the link to that is at the top of the thing. RN the button says potatoes but ill probably make it say something that isn't that soon. Additionally, I apologize for any spelling and grammer mistakes because I honestly couldn't give a flying chicken. Can chickens fly? If not, why do they have wings and look like they should fly, and if so why have I never seen a chicken fly? ANSWER DOWN IN THE COMMENTS. Actually, thats a good idea. We should add some sort of LTE comment system or chatroom so that we can communitcate with one another instantanously (according to nasa not really instant but screw nasa) without having to write an ENTIRE entry every single itty bitty little tiny time. BTW I myself am not talented enough to make this so mckenzie will have to make or steal one so I can then steal it from him cos he can code in javascript and I cannot. He even had to help me migrate over the java thing I stole where it displays a random subtitle thingy from a list of potential subtitles. Thats over on the main site which you should totally visit btw (logo and coolness pending cos its on backorder cos the supply chain shut down during covid and hasn't been able to catch up). FUN LTE FACT: the image of the pink pickle is an image I stole from some poor photographer (maybe) on the internet and changed the colour to pink. Not only was it not my image, I don't think the original was even pink.

day 1096

WOW IM UPDATING TWO DAYS IN A ROW!! that hasn't happened (to my knowledge idk maybe I decided to block an entry out of my memory cos it was too traumatizing) in like forever! Anyway, instead of doing my assignment for biologoy (spelled wrong) im doing this STUPID THING. Anywyayyssd wirgihrtiaegpaoi farj!!!! I came out to my step-mom and step-sister (whomst live with my dad) and I still haven't come out to my dad (as trans) but I need to so I was talking to my therapist about it and he said I should also so idk! Im gonna talk to my doctor in a couple weeks about anti-depressant dosage and im also gonna bring up HRT and to get HRT i need my dads permission (probably)!! SO yeah yeah yeah yeah segue that is very smooth! I am officially a professional music maker now cos I have made a GRAND TOTAL of 23 whole cents from people streaming my music across all the platforms. I know its only a few cents but like its still very weird to make money from a hobby, especially since my music is extremely obscure and unpopular. Maybe I could do music as a job one day idk, or at least make back the money I spend on music because I am currently very not profitable as a hypothetical buisness. I honestly was just updating my LTE today to say that I am updating my LTE twice in a row because MCKENZIE threatened me vaguely to update my LTE and now im UPDATING IT!!!!!!! Shutup mckenzie who isn't actually in the room with me but will be at lunch after this BORING AS SH*T CLASS ENDS AND ITS TIME FOR LUNCH NOM NOM NOM EATING TIME!! And I will continue working on my main page and LTE during lunch and make (force) mckenzie READ IT. Anyway, ummmmm.. I should really be paying attention to this class. But, alas; NO! ummmmmm.. I like my outfit today, I feel like the HOT and SEXY girl that I totally am on the inside (not the outside according to me). I have been feeling more confident in my GENDER recently and it is great for all aspects of my mental health. My therapist is proud of me (i think) cos im doing much better. The only reason I am able to recognize this is because im on DRUGS! Thats right folks, your (least) favourite best (worst) girl is on sertraline on the DAILY. And it actually has made my life so much better and stuff like sometimes now I don't wanna DIE which is crazy to me (very foreign feeling). I reccomend anyone who is mildly to SEVERLY depressed get some MEDICATION for it cos it can really help. OKAY I really need to do class work now; seeya all laters (or never depending on my continued existence and willingness to do stupid internet stuff). BYE :3

Okay Im BACK cos I made the main page MUCH BETTER. I added SPLASH TEXT with the help of mckenzie (again) and changed some other things also additionally. Btw the TEXTRA LTE was updated yesterdayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. OH yeah I also adjusted the titles of the pages and changed the favicon (to the trans flag for now until I get a better one which may in fact actually never happen in a million years). Hmmm.. I need to catch up on entries from the potato LTE.. maybe later when I have time cos right now I have to do other stuff for another class cos lunch with MCKENZIE (FROM THE MCKENZIE LTE) is over now and im dying. LATER PECULIAR PICKLE PEOPLE

day 1097

Okay so, I have a confession to make. IM SO SORRY. I ACTUALLY LIED. I just recently discovered that the pickle image at the top of this site is not at all my creation and I stole it from a 2011 deviantart page. I have sinned. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Also mckenzie how does it feel to have somebody else update their LTE faster than you?!? TEHEHEHEHEH :3

day 1098

FOUR DAYS IN A ROW (kinda). So currently its like 1:30 AM and so technically the next day. ANYWAY as returning readers can probably tell, the site is darkmode now to match the rest of my site!! COOL HUH!I will also eventually steal some of mckenzies code so that those who wish to be flashbanged by light mode can be. Also I updated the main site, which took more than an hour! Ya wanna know why the small updates after the chatroom addition took more than an hour? I DELETED THE WHOLE DAMN INDEX FILE. Through a series of unforunate events I ended up deleting my main html file and basically wiping the whole site. Luckily it wasn't too hard because the complicated bits (css infrastructure) were still there. BUT STILL it was a pain in the arse to clean up and rebuild. ALL FOR A STUPID (actually kinda cool) CHATROOM. Thats why its called "bad chatroom" because I sacrificed my whole damn site for it. I will rant more about this later but mckenzie is probably getting tired of my keyboard sounds in our (actually the d&d club) discord so BYE FOR NOW! :]

day 1099 (lyrics, i promise its relevant later)

okay so this is my fifth day in a row (technically speaking) updating my LTE. AND ITS OVER THE WEEKEND TOO!!!?! Which would seem to indicate I have no life. I've spent this entire 3 day weekend (it is currently monday but still the weekend) playing guitar, playing minecraft, and getting mad at CSS. That brings up an interesting point! It is currently monday, except since it is a continuation of the span during which I do not attend school I consider it part of the weekend (even though its not the weekend). SO, at what point does this feeling end?!? Like, winter break is just a continuation of a weekend for an extended period but I don't consider it to be a weekend? How long does a break have to be before we no longer consider it an extended weekend? Like, thanksgiving break is only like one week (max) but people call it "thanksgiving break"?!?!? How come nobody calls this break "presidents day break"??? Answer down below in the comments. ACTUALLY that reminds me!! YOU THE LOYAL (nonexistent) LTE READER can actually do THAT THING I TOLD YOU TO DO WITH THE COMMENTS!! Cos on my main page (link at the top, you can go to the top with the handy "top" button that follows you around wherever you go like a stalker (somebody needs to press charges against the "top" button). AND ALSO from the top there is a link that goes to the bottom (currently this entry but soon (maybe (oooooo, nested parenthesis)) another different better (worse) entry). Anyway about the comments thing, it exists!! Thats right guys, gals, and non-binary pals we have a CHAT ROOM (mentioned earlier) and also now a GUESTBOOK (more suitable for comments)!! So, go to the main site and leave your comments in the guestbook I suppose. And also admire the cool animations and splash text and everything (I spent way too much time making). Okay so, I am faced with a dillema (spelled wrong?); this dillema (spelling?!?!) is that this LTE is a record of myself dating back literal years at this point, and it would be quite embarrasing for anyone that I know IRL to read it. EXCEPT I wanna show off my cool website and also be able to host other personal projects on my cool website?? SO IDK WHAT TO DO. I don't wanna read through this whole thing and possibly leak my personal details and weirdness to my friends, BUT I wanna show off my website. ALSO, it would mean my friends (many if not most of which overlap with mckenzies friends) would be able to read MCKENZIES LTE, and IDK if he'd appreciate that because this is kinda our own little weird subculture and we don't need ANY WEIRDOS all up in our buisness. AN ADJECENT dillema (is that really how you spell it?) is that my MUSIC is something that would make sense to link on my website except my music isn't very mainstream and I think it is very bad, it is also very sad (mostly) and personal and I don't want everynody knowing my emotional state and worrying about me or something. SO IDK WHAT TO DO x2!!?! Another reason is that I wrote unrequited love songs about one of my friends (NOT ANYONE YOU KNOW MCKENZIE) and released them publicly and they are pretty vague but might have enough detail so they'd be able to figure it out which would be QUITE awkward! SO basically my choices are A: put my music on the site and then only mckenzie and a select few could access my dumb music and it wouldn't leak to the public but then I wouldn't be able to actively share my website with friends. B: Don't put my music on the site and then share the website with friends (risking people being weirded out by my LTE ig). C: do neither A, B, or D. OR D: do both A and B and just hope for the best. These are the options, and I must pick one. FOR NOW (as in like right now this present moment in time where it is monday, february (wtf why does that word have an R there) 20th of 2023 at 12:03 PM) I choose option C because it is kinda the default no action option and right now I'm still deciding on an action and therefore taking no action which is still one of the options for action which makes me feel like i'm doing something even though I am NOT. Actually, this whole project (LTE and site) are kinda just that. Me doing something to feel productive without being actually productive (unless you consider venting on the LTE and learning HTML and CSS to be productive (that arguement could be made but it would probably fail eventually when you look at LITERALLY ANYTHING ELSE I COULD BE DOING)). HEY, this is a long entry. I haven't written this long of an entry since (checks when I made this length of entry last) LIKE THE BEGINING (spelling go brrrr) OF THIS LTE. WOWZA! This is GREAT NEWS!! HOWEVER THE BAD NEWS (that always seems to accompany good news for whatever reason) IS THAT I'VE RAN OUT OF THINGS TO WRITE ABOUT IN THIS ENTRY!!! That is very bad, but I knew this moment would come, for the last 10 or so minutes I've waited.. filled with dread.. and the moment is finally here (can you tell im stalling? probably. DO I CARE? HELL NO!!). I have completely run out of things to talk about (except for the default talking about running out of things to talk about). HEY that is a sneaky little paradox cos the more I acknoledge (spelling lol) that I talked about talking about about talking about talking about talking about (oh no) about talking about (make it stop) about talking about talking (god no its happened, the paradox has consumed my LTE) about talking about about talking about (wait) about talking about talking about about talking about (I have an idea) ABOUT TALKING ABOUT ABOUT TALKING ABOUT maybe if i start talking about something else it will end ABOUT TALKING ABOUT ABOUT TALKING ABOUT ABOUT TALKING ABOUT TALKING so, the fresh prince of bel-air theme song is actually a really good idea for that era of television. The song introduces the backstory of the characters and situation and so new viewers can hop in on the show in any epsiode (back when shows were aired sequentially instead of on-demand or streaming) and they'd have a general sense of what is going on because the episodes are (mostly) each a closed loop. EXCEPT just enough character development leaks through between epsiodes that it doesn't get stale for returning viewers and it rewards continious viewing after you've started. I think this formula is one of the biggest reason why the show was successful in its era. HEY, the paradox ended!!! I DID IT. WOO ME!! I solved a fictional problem of my own creation (by wriitng a very short introduction to an essay I will never write (or maybe will who knows) about the HIT TV SHOW The Fresh Prince of Bel-air. Now, this is a story all about how my life got flipped (turned upside down). And I would like to take a minute (just sit right there); I will tell you how I became the prince of a town called Bel-air. Hey wait, where TF is Bel-air anyway?!?! Like what state? IG i never paid enough attention, lemme google it. OKAY so he was west philidelphia born and raised right (on the playground is where he spent most of his days), and I've just now discovered Bel-air is a neighborhood in Los Angeles, California. THAT MEANS HE MOVED ALL THE WAY ACROSS THE COUNTRY! Damn. That explains why there is such a culture shock for him, its literally all the way across the country. Poor Will Smith (the name of the character in the show is played by Will Smith; and the chracters name is WILL SMITH!!!! WOW SUCH AN INCREDIBLY CREATIVE DECISION!!!!!?! I wonder if the show featuring Will Smith (fictional) is based on the life of Will Smith (real actor) and thats why they are named the same???). Anyway, thats all for this incredibly long entry because I am bored of writing now and ran out of things to write about VERY long ago oh god wait......... okay good it didn't happen, phew. Anyway anyway, yo holmes smell ya later! Okay but seriously BYE BYE :3

but im full of sh*t, im a plagarist; as a liar im a ten. idk i forgor the day again

Oki so like aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. Anyway. yes. what? MCKENZIE COPIED MEEEEE!! He did the top and bottom buttons thing that I wanted him to do AND HE DID IT BETTER!!1! DNA you mckenzie. I say DNA cos nathan in class said DNA quietly and mr. busch said "language" cause he heard some other No No Word (damn). ANYWAY I have nothing else to talk about, I should be taking notes in biology right now but I am not; instead im wasting my time doing this. Is that an insult to any potential reader? by saying this text is a waste of time am I insulting my readers (they dont exist so dont worry about it). Also, I kissed two DIFFERENT people yesterday. There is a small group of people who just.. kiss me sometimes. One has a BOYFRIEND and isnt really into me but the OTHER is VERY into me apparantly. There are approixmately 3 people currentlly openly into me and its very confusing. I don't particularly wanna date somebody right now and even if I did I would want to know them pretty well first, I like the idea of going from close friends to lovers slowly instead of just suddenly going out with somebody as a way of getting to know them. I might be fine going friends with benefits (with some of these people that like me not all of them) tho cos idk it might be fun to have meaningless sex occasionally. I mean, im at the age where its kinda socially expected I start doing things like that and whilst im open to the idea, I'm also quite awkward as a person. I'm not particularly good at getting jiggy with it if you know what I mean. Like.. in a romantic relationship it was fine I didn't have much experience cos we love eachother and whatever and the intimacy was more important than the actual pleasure BUT in a situation where im just doing somebody for the sake of doing somebody its more expected that i'm going to do well ya know? And like, im not actually bad at sex but like im still scared (quite possibly without real reason) cos these other hypothetical person(s) seem quite experienced (and kinky). This is a pretty personal conversation I probably shouldn't be talking about on the internet but hey this is a record of MY life so I can do WHATEVER I WANT. I am slightly scared of getting blocked by the school district for it though, they do tend to be pretty liberal (not in the political sense) with their blocking of sites. Especially since they (try to) block all personal websites and blogs, like its one of their things they want to block all of for some reason... . . . . . . . . I'm kinda out of things to talk about now. You probably don't care, because you probably don't exist (L! Imagine not existing). Oki I really gotta do biology stuff now so bye byeee


dear LTE; Mckenzie told me to update you, so I am. Isn't that great (spolier: no)!?!?! Anyways, I've started reading hitchhikers guide to the galaxy and it is absolutely unhinged. I'm at the point where arthur and ford get picked up by the heart of gold thingy currently (if that means anything to anyone?). BUT, I FORGOR THE BOOK IN PORTLAND. And so I don't have it. SO, tomorrow i'm gonna have to steal (another) copy from the library!!!!@! I already stole from the library the first time, but they have a second copy I think; so I have to steal that one nowwww! I am firmly against checking out books from the school libraries for obvious reasons (actually a very specific thing that happened in elementary school that you have no way to ever know about). ALSO, the mckenzie LTE is getting updated CURRENTLY!! EXCLUSIVE MCKENZIE LTE BEHIND THE SCENES CONTENT (PLUS MCKENZIE HAND REVEAL)!!!!!!

we're breaking up its not you its me

by "we're" breaking up, i mean me and the hypothetical (mostly nonexistent) LTE reader. WHY? because we were never together in the first place!! BUT also because I HAVE A BOYFRIEND FIJOSGHKJRPGOAIONBGUISVJE!!!! I am no longer your girlfriend nonexistent LTE reader; i am somebody elses girlfriend!! THIS has completely solved my whole contemplating being a wh*re dillema!! Because now i'm sociatally obligated to only do that kind of stuff with ONE person which makes the situation much less complicated because now i can reject people by saying "ummmm.. i have a boyfriend" like in the movies. I see people complaining online about how people keep rejecting people that weren't actually trying to make advances by saying "i have a boyfriend" but i've never actually see this occur unironically outside of movies so idk what all the fuss is about (if any). ALSO mckenzie is adding a "gallery" thing for howds related works of fine art. OKAY anyway go away stop reading my LTE i have a boyfriend (this is me rejecting your nonexistent advances whilst also bragging that i'm not an incel like (probably) most LTE readers). Anyways sorry for the nonsense entry i just wanted to brag :3

day of cheese


day of reckoning

Good evening (it's 11 AM)! Okay so basically I have been an absolute NERD and not updated for a REALLY long time (idk it was probably a couple months or something) idk. I don't know what to write rn and it makes me ANGRY AHHHHHH!! I don't wanna write at all but I feel the need to update you on the fact i'm now WORLD FAMOUS!! Not only have I now made over a dollar from people streaming my music, but THERE IS SOMEONE NEW IN THE LTE HUB!! A new (VERY ACTIVE) LTE!!! ADDITIONALLY TO NOT WRITING MY LTE, I have failed to check any of the others either T^T!! This is a trajedy! Also, I've been quite active in web development still (YAY) just not on my LTE! I've made a website to host a game of diplomacy amongst friend (mckenzie included), I've worked on a website for my school, because the schedule was hard to find before and changes almost daily due to the frequency of events. I really don't know what to write now, no new updates. Me and my boyfriend are still together, very happily in fact. Thats not really entertaining news though, that's not what the people want! THEY WANT DRAMA, THEY WANT ACTION!! I however can't supply those things (except every 1-5 buiness days). MY life is not entertaining enough to blog about! I have stagnated! ALSO i'm behind on schoolwork with only a few weeks left and i'm doing this instead! What a waste of time and effort, but the small dopamine hits this gives me are working to keep me doing it. I have the follow the dopamine disorder (attention deficient hyperactivity disorder), and it's in full force today! I wish to get medicated, but i'm kinda scared of intoxication in others and myself so idk what i would get. AND my father (somehow) doesn't believe i have adhd (my mother (who has a psychology degree) does however, and she wants to get me medicated so ahhhhhhh)! Also i've become interested in coding (specificaly (Spelled wrong) simulations) recently, which is something i do mildly often actually. I may make a page on my website (link at the top to go to main page) to link to some things online i think are cool, that'd be fun.

day 1,288

HELLO AND WELCOME BACK TO THE WORLDS WORST THING (JUST THING IN GENERAL, THINK ABOUT IT, OF ALL THE THINGS THIS IS THE WORST ONE)!!!! It's been a bit (summer happened) but I'm back now! Sam updated his website! The new aesthetic is really cool. I'm jealous of his ability to make things look so cool. Also, I found the day again! It's now been over 3 and a half years since I started this LTE; wild. I feel like this community is really cool, the amount of people (under like 10 but still) that can come together from around the world (mostly just around the united states to my knowledge) to participate in this weird type of blog where you write everything on one page. An LTE is basically just a blog format, but it's taken on it's own life through the appreciation for the old web that comes with it. I mean, I've even seen people talk about MY LTE in their LTE; like how I talk about the flaming chickens LTE, and other pre-2010's LTE's. Maybe it's not significant, and maybe the most we've ever accomplished as a community is being in the background of a Jaiden Animations video; but it's had an impact on my life (in it's own distant sort of way, ig it was the thing that got me into web development). SPEAKING OF, some new LTE's have been discovered; and you can check them out at the LTE hub (link in description)! ACTUALLY I JUST CHECKED and mckenzie hasn't updated the hub yet! I'm SO ANGRY (mad)!!!!! This is outrageous or however you spell it!!!! The LTE's are Falcon's LTE and the book of monika. Tangent time. All of the following info is from google, i'm going to regurgitate what I read as absolute fact because google is never wrong. The average book is 50 to 70 thousand words long, the average word is around 5 characters. This puts the average character count of a novel at around 250,000-350,000 characters. This means there are several LTE's that could legitimately be considered novels (especially knocktons LTE which is egregiously (spelled wrong) long). Not mine though, not yet at least. Someday. Someday.. However, this does call into question what can be considered a true novel. Like, is this a book? If somebody makes an LTE, are they an author? Are they a writer? Sure, the book is a non-fiction (mostly) account of somebodies life; but loads of accomplished novels are. Some novels (although admittedly mostly bad ones) are written in a journal format. I watched the movie Arrival last night, and it totally broke my brain about the nature of language and such. It also used one of my least favourite interpretations of time, cyclical time. This basically means everything that will ever happen is predetermined and everthing will always go the way they go no matter what. This basically means free will is an illusion. Free will being an illusion is a thought that makes me deeply uncomfortable, but maybe that's what I'm supposed to say. Maybe right now I don't have free will, and this breakdown about the nature of free will was predetermined. Maybe this was meant to happen. TLDR: destiny sucks and I hate it but arrival is a really good movie and you should watch it (but only if you have the mental fortitude to endure an existential crisis). Okay, so back to the LTE's. I think there is a chance somebody is from outside of america. And we aren't really good at getting reliable dates for things. So, ya know how dates go month/day/year in america, well elsewhere things go day/month/year . And it's entirely possible we've miss-dated an LTE by reading the date backwards like a dumb american. So if you aren't american, SAY HOW YOU FORMAT YOUR DATES DAMNIT!! Speaking of dates, I'm still dating my boyfriend. He's great and I love him very much. Hi boyfriend if you ever read this (hopefully you don't)!! Oh no i've made a horrible realization! I've been basing the "day" off of when my site was created, but i forgor I didn't start my LTE here!! It was a google docs then a google sites then a wix site for like a day and then finally the cool neocities site you see today. But the real problem is that i now have NO IDEA when my LTE started! Lemme try to figure it out. I think in one of the earlier entries when i actually knew the day it i put what day it was so maybe i can get the day number from there. OR MAYBE I CAN FIND THE GOOGLE DOC!! yes, if I look at the google doc creation date i'll know when this LTE truly started! BRB gotta find the doc. Okay I'm back! It's only been 0 seconds for you (strange how time works). I have FAILED to find the original google doc, but i did find the google site! the google site was made feburary 25th, SEVERAL days before this site (made march 4th)!! Funny (not funny very bad) thing is this site was made only a few days before the school closed for quarantine, weird. So, this might actually be day 1,296?!?! It's close enough that i'm just gonna use march 4th from now on, but if you wanna manually correct for something closer to the real date just use feb 25th as a starting day ig. Although wait what day was I on when the google site first started?! Okay so i checked and apparantly i made it on day 12. so it might actually be day 1,308?!?! So, as far as I know; my LTE was started on feburary 13th of 2020. Also, i've noticed lots of LTE's nowadays adopting the "days" system. I think I might've been the first person to do the "days" thing, maybe i influenced that trend a little. AM I AN INFLUENCER NOW!?!?! omg i'm so cool (/j cos i hate myself). Okay enough for right now I need to take notes in class; bye bye!! :3

P.S: I eagerly await the next LTE update from mckenzie (and everybody else ig but MCKENZIE UPDATE YOUR LTE)

day more like gay (9/22/23)

hello loyal LTE readers (just kidding, i dont exist)! TODAY IS FRIDAY, FRI-YAY! However, I have 3 tests today, and i have 4 classes today, one of which doesn't do tests. Basically my whole grade for the next while depends on my mental state today; which is horrible. Horrible? BAD? YES!! My mental state today can't make it through normal classes, but i have three tests (none of which i studied for btw)!! I'm gonna fail everything today. Today likely could mark the begining of the end for me. WHYYYYY? Because my boyfriend who is like my moral support basically is GONE TODAY!! HE IS HOME SICK, THAT BASTARD! So, idk what i'm gonna do. These tests are worth like my entire grade and i don't think i can pass! i'd be lucky to get even a B! for added pressure if i get anything below a B my father has threatened me with a bunch of punishments of all sorts (mostly related to making me do more work, or moving me to a different school). He also recently said "if homework gives you anxiety, you need to do more homework", this is a direct quote from him. Not even missing context, he legitimately means i should do more work because it makes me anxious. His reasoning being that it will desensitize me to anxiety, which not only doesn't work because my anxiety disorder is clinical; but even if it did i wouldn't want that because i don't wanna live completely desensitized to thw world and spiteful (like him). This whole entry has been a vent so far. I'm also supposed to be doing something in class rn, but instead i'm listening to sad music and doing this. Maybe it'd be better to use this time for studying, but is it even worth it to go through the anxiety of thinking about the test before it happens (with the only benefit being that i might get like a very small boost in score)??!?! idk probably. I told myself this year i was just gonna suck it up and do everything, but i simply cannot. Like, i'm doing slightly better than last year but the begining of the year is always easiest. Probably because the pressure of a backlog of missing assignments builds up as the year goes along, making it harder and harder to work on assignments as they come in. The songs in the auto-generated queue of songs are just getting sadder and sadder. currently listening to tire marks by flatsound (great song btw listen to it if you can take very sad songs). An excerpt from the song is as follows:

if this is where the fire stops
keep me warm inside your arms
i want to be your final thought
when all that's left are tire marks

so yeah pretty damn sad. I really like the song tho, i aspire to make similar songs. I guess i do kinda make very similar songs. I pretty much ripped off flatsound for my whole musical aesthetic. Except some of the newer things, which are mostly slowcore and ambient. And now were back to the dilemma of whether to link my music here. I mean the only people that really know where to find this site are sam and mckenzie, and i don't think mckenzie would care all that much (does mckenzie even listen to music?!? i think the last thing i heard them listen to was a brilliant compostition called "rat repellant" which is very annoying high pitched tones intended to only be used to deter rats (it also makes humans want to run away). and i don't really know what sam would think of it, we have vaguely similar music taste so maybe they wouldn't hate it; idk. If i do link it, it'll probably be on the cool stuff page on my main site (go visit that, lots of cool stuff). okay class is over so bye for now!!

day of (10/3/23)

it is a great day, mckenzie is updating his LTE (longest text ever) (trade mark)! Yesterday was my schools "day of dance" and it wasn't as bad as i thought it would be but it was still pretty bad! The content of the dance day was okay but the actual DAY was horrible!! It is the day before the deadline of like all the assignments thusfar this year! It's as if the administration took the worst possible day (when everybody needed to get work done) and decided to make the "theme day" THAT DAY!! WHY!?!? ITS THE WORST DAY!! IT'S THE DAY YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO AVOID PUTTING THINGS ON (COS IT'S THE WORST ONE TO PUT THAT THING ON)!!!!! MY SOCK KEEPS RIDING TOO LOW ON MY FOOT!! BUT ONLY MY LEFT FOOT!! I keep having to take my shoe off to pull it back up except my shoes are hard to take on and off so it sucks!! Anyways, I have gone down another conlanging rabbithole.... mi kama sona e toki pona (mi pilin e ni: mi sona e toki pona tan jan Whiletrue). Additionally, i've also been researching other conlangs and just in general consuming content online made by the conlang community. I like finding niche communities (you can tell by the fact this exists and i'm still using it after many years). Also i've just realized Viba (Whiletrue) is still active, and quite possibly still is partially in the LTE community, so there is a small chance they are reading this?!? If YOU dear loyal LTE reader are actually the legendary WHILETRUE/VIBA, toki! lipu sina li pona mute tawa mi a! anyway moving on (slightly) i'm a big fan of nimisin (nimi sin, often combined as nimisin, meaning new words). I think the development of the toki pona community as a whole is very important, and i think inventing new words just makes the language better (like the subreddit desire paths, where people who want paths just walk off the paved paths and make new paths, these new paths are like nimisin, they make the existing route better). anyway, MCKENZIE YOU HAVEN'T UPDateD your LTE in ages!! MINUS 13 POINTS TO YOUR SOCIAL CREDIT SCORE!!! Despite this almost constant yelling by me, my LTE is actually shorter (by a lot) than mckenzies!!!!?!! This is because his LTE updates are simply MUCH larger. ni li ike a! I think at this point i just like reading the almost nonsense entries. I mean, if i didn't like reading LTE's i probably wouldn't make one. I wonder what aspect of this weird blog format is so appealing to this communiotiy (i've spelled community wrong i swear almost every time jesus). ANYWAY, i made the maybe slightly not really controversial decision to put my music on my website because i realized like nobody i know in real life knows about my site anyway!! Only sam and mckenzie do and i don't care if sam sees it (if he even checks these, if you do, hi sam!!) and mckenzie (i think) simply doesn't care1!!1! Also, i made a cute (simple) little website for my weird ass experimental ambient folk music. I mostly just re-used CSS animations from this site tho so it's nothing to write home about (don't write any letters, don't send them to your house, don't send them to my house, just burn them, burn the letters, put them into fire until they no longer exist. nimi "fire" li seme lon toki pona? seli could mean fire, but also like that could be too general out of context. I guess if you wanna say something like "my house is on fire" you could say "seli li lon e tomo mi" or "seli li pakala tomo mi". idk something like that. ANYWAY I gtg now, i gtg go do all the stuff (all the stuff is editing my movie for moving image arts (filmmaking)).

eon337 (10/6/23) (longest entry thusfar?!?!)

this might be the most important entry in this LTE thusfar. as you probably (don't) know, i've been searching for eon337 for years. and recently i've gotten back onto the trail, and i've had a BREAKTHROUGH!! First, i re-noticed the recent(ish) post on the eon337 deviantart page saying only "zampanio awaits". This led me down a rabbithole about whatever the heck zampanio is, and i figured eon must be a part of this community, a fan of this work. I continued my research, finding old threads on neopets and such, groups online also searching. most people had come to the conclusion that jenny had died somewhere around 2017 though. i always knew this to be UNTRUE because according to somewhere in the flaming chickens LTE (probably) jenny is immortal and cannot die. ANYWAY, long story short after following a bunch of leads to dead ends i decided to join the farrago fiction discord (farrago fiction is a website run by jaded researcher, the creator of zampanio). I searched "eon337" in this discord and found i wasn't the first to have searched for them here. Most leads there came up empty, until i met a user by the name of crimsondestroyer. We chatted for a while, he brought up the longest text ever hub and i was like "ummm yeah my friend owns that". he asked about the path that got me here, what i already knew. Apparantly, i had gotten pretty far on my own. at one point i said "imagine moving on, i've been at this for years". AND THEN they delivered the most EPIC cool ominous monologue in the history of the internet (imo). the link at the end leads to a site, in which it is confirmed that jadedresearcher IS EON337!! I was like "HOLY MOLY" and then they delivered this epiic sequel to their monologue, where they linked to what eon is currently working on (zampanio)! I had done it, i had found jenny (now in her mid 30's presumably). I found out that crimson actually had gone the other way, having heard of jadedreasercher first and then from there finding eon337 and the longest text ever. apparently eon (or jadedreasercher) is now at least aware of the people inspired by her old internet presence, and so there is a non-zero chance that you (the reader of my amazing (horrible) LTE) are jenny (theres also a chance you are named jenny and not in fact also eon337, which case hi jenny but go away); in which case: hi, i'm a big fan; you should do a guest rant on my LTE sometime. Additionally, crimson told me about an audio log thing on the farrago fiction website (btw it is so cool, i'm jealous). in this audio log jenny talks about how she dissapeared from the internet and unintentionally faked her own death. She also talks about a flaming chickens lunar colony roblox group that talks about her death (and she reads out some excerpts from the flaming chickens handbook, which is a real cool little piece of history, hearing her read it out). She appears to think this is very funny but I DON'T, you had us (us being the LTE community) worried for a second (a second being more than a decade)!! Like, you couldn't have said something sooner?!? I think that secretly, she wanted us to think there was a mystery, that she was dead or something. from what i know, that isn't an unsubstantiated thing to think. Also, isn't it weird how much you feel like you know somebody from their LTE. Because, in an LTE, you talk about the big picture stuff (what you like, what you HATE WITH A BURNING PASSION, what you love, what you do); and you also talk about the little day to day stuff, like what you should be doing instead of writing an LTE at that moment. And these two things are like a really good way to get to know somebody, you get to know how they view themselves, and also view them objectively in how they react to things that happen to them or in the world. Like, i feel a connection to the people who's LTE's i read. I feel like i know them. And if YOU DEAR READER exist, you know me i suppose. can we be friends? i like having friends (especially online because i'm bad at making friends online so when i do it's a big acheivement. The thing with that is that i don't like calling people unless i know them well, and over the internet calling is the best way to get to know somebody. I have a big problem with calls, idk why, they just make me anxious. ANYWAY, we're friends now! So, back to eon337. they apparently do ARG's and stuff now, so like, that's cool. As crimson told me there are more adventures awaiting me. ANYWAY, completely off topic but like MCKENZIE YOUR SITE IS ANNOYING, all of it is actually REALLY GREAT except that when i press the bottom button it doesn't send me all the way to the bottom of the page, and just to some area NEAR THE BOTTOM. there is probably a good reason for this, but not being able to see the bottom when i press bottom throws me for a loop. Where the hell did the phrase "throws me for a loop" come from?!? like i can't think of a single reasonable explaination fro why "throws me for a loop" would mean "confuses me". Anyway, i used anyway a lot. Like, a lotttttt. Perhaps i shouldn't use it, and not mark when i jump randomly from one topic to another at all. I probably shouldn't worry about this being comprehensible anyways, since like NOBODY, and i mean ZERO people are reading this. Except maybe mckenzie. Actually, i should probably stop saying nobody reads this, because i keep meeting people who actually do read LTE's. Like, people know about the longest text ever hub. Like crimson! hey, if you're reading this and the person that is you has the discord username that starts with crimso; hello! i hope you don't mind me putting our weird back alley discord conversation on the wider internet! i really like your monologue (ona li pona). Also, crimson watches jan misali (who is a youtuber that does a lot but is mostly known for their linguistics stuff)! There is a WEIRD overlap between LTE creators and readers and being or watching amateur linguists. How do you define a linguist? i am interested in and know probably more than your average adult (although i'm not an adult) about linguistics, does this make me a linguist? i mean, there isnt much "science" in the scientific sense in linguistics. i mean, there aren't many experiments. don't get me wrong there ARE experiments. but like, i feel like a LOT of people that are universally considered linguists (or even amateur linguists which are a type of linguist regardless) have not done experiments. So like, WHAT GIVES!?!!? WHAT IS GIVING? what is the nature of "giving"? i mean, it's like the transferring of "things" from one person or thing to another person or thing, but like what the things and people are really vague? ya know? most definitions are pretty vague if you don't see what they communicate in context. this is one of the things i LOVE about toki pona, is that it takes advantage of ambiguious words to be able to communicate ANYTHING with less than 200 words. this does however conflict with the fact i like nimisin? because like how can i love that the language is simple whilst also wanting to add more complexity? IDK. i have these sorts of internal dillemas all of the time, it's kinda one of my flaws. constantly thinking about nonsense and then second-guessing myself on the nonsense i think about. UGH! I'm in algebra 2 right now (wow i didn't say anyways maybe i can write without announcing my change to the next topic) and i'm VERY MUCH supposed to be paying attention right now but I'M NOT!! What do you define as a language? like.. i know english and spanish, making me bilingual; does knowing toki pona make me trilingual??!?! does the amount of lingual i am only count natural languages or do conlangs count also. i mean, esperanto is a conlang and that would definitively count.. maybe i am internally tokiphobic (the word i just coined for thinking that toki pona isn't a language because it's so small), toki pona being easier to learn than other languages doesn't make it not a language. PLUS, i feel it would be harder for english speakers to pick up than japanese or spanish speakers. i think knowing spanish has given me a huge advantage in learning and it's probably how i've managed to learn (i'm not quite fluent yet but i probably will be within a couple months if i keep up the same rate of learning) so quickly. i mean, i think i can communicate any idea in toki pona that i can in english, so that's cool? and i can understand anything written or spoken if they write clearly and speak clearly and slowly (my brain still has to translate most of the language to english in my head to understand, fluency is when you just understand what is said without having to translate to your native tongue/any other language, BUT i can feel myself getting better at understanding without having to say the whole thing again to myself in english; like i can do it for simple stuff. I am supposed to be doing a practice test in algebra rn, but i'm doing this instead; if i fail my test it's this LTE's fault and it will be FIRED from it's job (it's unemplyed). Mckenzie at the end of his latest LTE entry said that he will unspeakable and violent things if i don't check my LTE, good thing by writing my LTE i'm checking it? i couldn't bare reading my old entires again. My schools d&d club started back up again, that's cool. i made a website for the club where i linked to a really funny old video of the proctor of the club, it's not even entirely embarrassing funny because it's him doing bo burnham style muscial standup comedy (or in his case sit on stool comedy). this isn't me calling his comedy derivative of bo burnham, it's HIM calling his comedy bo burnham style, in the video he calls it that, i'm not mean i swear. i feel mean a lot, like i feel like a mean person in general, even if a lot of people call me a nice person. i AM mean to some people, and i am instantly mean without provocation sometimes. Although, i think that's because i feel the persons bad vibes and so i am mean to them; at least, i hope that's why, maybe i am just a mean person. mckenzie, being a great amazing 10/10 frien said he'd listen to my music in his most recent entry, that's cool. Okay, i have monday to study this practice test before the test, so i think i'm gonna forgo doing the practice text today (friday) in favour of doing this LTE update. Is forgo a real word? i feel like you (loyal reader or whatever) know what i mean if you have a vocabulary bigger than a squirrel (surprisingly large), but like, why does it feel like i'm spelling it wrong?!?! i feel like a lot of questions in this LTE could be answered by simply googling them, but by not googling it i get more AMAZING CONTENT for my LTE (patent pending). oooooooooooo, btw people have left comments on my site!! i am going to look at them some of them here i suppose. we've got FALCON XW PLAYS (another LTE'er) saying "hello there matey": HI FALCON, cool LTE you got there, you should update more often!! we got my fren sam going "BOO" to which i respond "AHHHHHHHHH OMG A GHOST HOLY FRICK OH GOD FRACKEN RUN RUN AWAY!! MONSUTA LI LON! MONSUTA MOLI KON LI IKE! O TAWA WEKA! O TAWA WEKA!" "Cargon" says "hey bbg *blowing kiss emoj x2*", WHO IS CARGON?!?! NO. I AM NOT YOUR BBG!! I AM ONLY THE BBG OF MY BOYFRIEND?!?! REVEAL YOUR TRUE IDENTITY AND REPENT YOUR SINS!! Then, we have "troon" that says "ywnbaw". erm.. hi troon whomever you are! wtf is a ywnbaw?!?! "cobson won" says "ywnbaw and hwabag". WHAT ARE THESE THINGS?!?! mi sona ala toki e nasin toki sina! then finally "ywnbaw" says "ywnbaw", this last one happened less than a day ago! it says 20 hours ago!?!?! WTF! it is so strange that people actually visit my website and that there enough of those people to leave comments?!?! and then also WHAT IS YWNBAW?!?! is this a real acronym for something?!? this is another one of those situations where google could probably help, and solve the issue, except i get more content if i don't so i won't!! ANYWAY, if you want me to talk about you in my LTE; leave a comment (like and subscribe)!! if you want to "like and subcribe" i think you can actually do equivalent actions on my neocities profile? so like, follow me on neocities ig?!? alternate to that (i couldn't spell alternatevly, alternitivly, alternativly? ahhhhh) you could go to my yt channel (for my music) and subcscribe to me there? and then you could actually comment like and subscribe to me because you would be on youtube or whatever. did you know jadedresearcher has a youtube, there is even videos with facecam to compare to the only existing pictures of jenny on the flaming chickens website (the resemblance is uncanny because they are literally the same person)?!?! the more the class drags on and i keep typing whilst others at least pretend to work really makes me think i should at least start this practice test. also, i'm a sophomore now, except i'm a LITERAL GENUIS (just kidding i'm actually so slow idk) so i'm in a grade level above where i should be in math. this becomes much less impressive when you realize how many others are in sophomore year and in this class with me, i was far from the only one. my spanish teacher kinda is bad at teaching spanish (i was in 6 years of spanish emersion classes in elementary school but i forgot a lot and need highschool language credit so i'm doing it), like i've been able to correct her on her spanish several times so far and it's honestly worrying because she's teaching these children spanish WRONG. the other day she said "bonita" meant "pretty", which is fine on it's own but this led a student to say "so can you use this like "it's pretty hot in here?" and i was just like WOW that question is objectively bad. like ya know when you're in class and see somebody answer a question and you're just like "damn that is a bad question" i mostly thought this because of how incredibly anglocentric it is that this student thought this, like pretty meaning "beautiful" and "a little less than very" in english is pretty exclusive to english (heheheehehe get it? cos i used pretty in the weird way english uses it?)! then the teacher was like doing a "giving them the benefit of the doubt and explaining how it worked in language that made it seem like they were kinda correct" which i HATED because they were WRONG! then i realized this whole issue could've been nonexistent if the teacher would've just defined it better like "it means good looking, like beautiful" to avoid confusion! like, most anglocentrists like that will think that all other languages are just english relexes (relex is a linguistics term not a misspelling of "reflex"), which is NOT the case!! i didn't eat this morning (breakfastless) and now i'm in pain in the stomach (lunch made it a little better). this pain is actually a good thing, because it wouldn't have happened before. i mean, i used to never/rarely eat breakfast, and so i wouldn't get pain from this; unfortunately this turned into me not eating lunch and then not eating dinner and then not eating for days at a time. once i had a boyfriend tho things started to change especially once he noticed (i'm hesitant to call it an eating disorder but he did and it does kinda fit the description), and he would force me to eat even though i refused a lot. so eventually he got a good grip on my eating schedule and has made me (most of the time, i still have times where it shows it's face) mostly eat. and so me being in pain from not eating a meal rather than not eating for days is a really good thing!! let's hope i can keep this regular normal not refusing to eat habit going. this class ends in 5 minutes, so much for doing that practice test! anyway, (this anyway was justified because i said so idk i hate myself and my lack of consistency" this means i must pack up and leave! goodbye for now, maybe i'll write more later but probably not (maybe because i have run out of meaningful things to talk about, actually wait i never had those to begin with). mi tawa! mi olin e sina (/platonically)!

I JUST REALIZED, ACCORDING TO CHARACTERCOUNTONLINE.COM I HAVE JUST REACHED OVER 100,000 CHARACTERS!! THAT LAST ENTRY PUT US OVER THE THRESHOLD! This site also shows me word density, the top ones are "like" and "LTE" and like, i don't like say "like" like that often do i?!?! Like i feel like i don't like say it every like couple words. LTE makes like a lot more sense tho, because i say LTE a LOT! combined, "like" and "lte" make up 4% of the total words in my LTE, crazy! Also i say mckenzie 56 times, well now 57. wow, i feel like a proud mom. my LTE is all grown up now. i'm almost exactly halfway to beating the flaming chickens LTE in characters! So, at the current speed (it's likely to slow down after i graduate tbh), another 3-4 years! Also, we're coming up on 4 years of LTE in approx. 4 months!

good mornin' (10/12/23)

okay so i'm once again supposed to be taking notes but instead i'm doing this. i have recently updated my main site and got rid of the useless chatroom, it was kinda just a test thing anyway; i only put it there because there was nothing else on my site at the time (now there is much more lol). I moved the "cool stuff" button over to where the button for that was. it is admittedly a little smaller than the other button now, i tried my best to fix it but i gave up really quickly and so you guys just have to deal with that now, sorry. my site is much less "clean" now which i kinda like, and so it being a bit off fits the aesthetic. anyway, i found this new video sharing platform thingy for toki pona language content, and nobody had posted a video there yet. so i made a really quick toki pona dub of "me at the zoo" (if you don't know, that was the first video posted onto youtube) and posted it on the platform. i contemplated the translation of "zoo" for a while and settled on "tomo soweli" but i feel like that is a little too nice to zoos (which are kinda a horrible place for animals), maybe "tomo awen soweli" which might be something like cage but idk for the sake of simplicity i just translated it to tomo soweli. people will get it via context because they know the title of the original video and so i just needed to translate vaguely. in other toki pona news which apparently a lot of people that read LTE's will understand (see my last entry where i might mention that LTE's have a weird crossover with conlanging), the "lipu tenpo" site is down; i asked on the discord and nobody seems to know why? they said it isn't a web hosting problem or anything, so nobody knows why the site is 404-ing. btw if you don't already; if you know toki pona you should lukin e lipu Lipu Tenpo, it's a community made newsletter for toki pona and just general news in toki pona (theres also fun comics and stuff which are my favourite part).

day 1,341 (10/16/23)

hiya! i've been trying to update this more frequently. "WHY??!?!" you may ask in a tone of voice and volume that doesn't match the current eepy vibes. well, the truth is (the objective truth in this instance is conciously NOT the same as my subjective truth, isn't that like.. weird?) i don't know why i want to write this. MAYBE, PERCHANCE, i want more characters on this LTE. I mean, that's why this exists, isn't it. just to mindlessly write as many characters on a page as possible. I'm in a tired mood today, it's monday. i'm in a moderately boring educational class. i also don't really have any friends in this class, i have some aquiantences, and one kinda friend (ya know, the kinda friend you only talk to in one class). BUT, the kinda friend is gone today for whatever reason (we aren't close enough for me to know why their gone so that gives you an idea as to the dynamic IG), so i'm bored. the only other person that sits at our table is friendly, but i don't even know their name so i'd hardly consider us more than aquaintences. Although, i find names hard to remember sometimes. Like, there are friends that i have where i kept forgetting their name, and eventually i renamed them to something more memorable. I just decided to start calling them something else despite their best efforts. i guess you could call these "nicknames", but they aren't really shorter versions of their names, just completely seperate ones (for example: britney, brandy, rosie. holy wait that's a weird pattern. maybe i really like names ending in "e" sounds, weird. they must be more memorable to me for some odd reason). should i figure out the day for this entry? i probably should huh. ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. i guess i will, but not because you told me to (you didn't, you probably said "i don't care" in your head), but because i want to (i don't, i'm lazy). i wish the apostrophy (is that spelled right?) key was more easily accessible, i mean, i use it less often than the semi-colon, and the semi-colon is more accessible. WHY? why are people in modern society so obssessed with effeciency but not on stuff like that. maybe it's my fault because i'm too lazy to change my keyboard layout, probably that. Also, speaking of the day; i've decided to from here on out (if i remember) to count the days starting from feb 24th, 2020 instead of march 4th, 2020. because feb 24th is a more accurate date, and i wanna have an accurate 4 year anniversary date for my LTE. btw it's currently been ~3.7 years since i started this LTE (assuming a year length of 365 days, not accounting for possible leap years because LOL who tf does that (i would but i need to focus on math class; just kidding, i don't exist!)). i've been playing some on the ma pona pi toki pona minecraft server, the server is INSANE. Like, there are free elytra at spawn and such; the server is in LATE LATE game! there's also no formal rules, they'll probably ban you if you start griefing but very little greifing happens cos like everybody is pona to eachother there. anyway, i built a house in the sky for funsies. i'm really self-conscious about getting in the way on servers like this, like i feel like my builds are intrusive or whatever. idk. i also found a road with a bunch of noteblock songs on it stored underground, so there was just a bunch of buttons that play various songs (among us theme, minecraft songs); so i added the day theme from terraria which took longer than i would care to admit. The main bit was fine, but i spent at least an hour getting the left hand melody. the left hand (bassy low melody) was playing the same thing over and over, so i decided to just make the loop once and then perfectly loop the noteblocks a certain number of times, which required weird hopper clock redstone trickery. overall i'm really proud of it. so proud i decided to violate my own rules i imposed on myself about not building anything large or intrusive around spawn and built a big terraria bunny in pixel art above the button. i think making the thing would've been much easier if i didn't do it in a very small underground space working around all the other stuff underground arounnd spawn, i even found an entire abandoned underground town which somebody built and furnished but never added an obvious entrance to. like, i bet most people don't know about it but it's a pretty giant build directly underneath spawn. minecraft servers la (i like using the toki pona work "la" in english now, good way of segue-ing) mckenzie should re-open the mckenzie SMP or whatever, maybe even the one on the school computers. theres a power vaccuum in cool un blocked stuff after the skyview MC server presumably went down, along with GTOH. i like social experiments like that, where the whole school gets to interact together in a virtual environment and form groups and such. idk. i don't know a lot of things. i'm once again supposed to be doing algebra but am doing this instead, but homework is a negligible amount of my grade (tests are 90%), and i do pretty well on tests so i'll be fine. i'm going over to stay in my grandmothers attic (not quite an attic but a weird upstairs room in the roof (furnished and everything tho idk)), because my grandfather (really my grandmothers boyfriend of like several decades) is away for the week and my grandmother is bad with being alone (like she gets really anxious and stuff) so i'm gonna be over there just so she isn't alone in the house. i can also help take care of the dying dog. this dog (cute english bulldog named Darby) is like several years past when her breed is supposed to die, and the doctors told her she had 1-3 months to live.. almost 2 years ago!! she's had cancer and shit and gone untreated cos she's supposed to die anyway and she's still alive and healthy (healthy in this case meaning not in pain, she'll still probably die soon lol). so, she was supposed to die long ago and just is still here somehow.. i guess she wanted to lay around the house for a couple more years. one thing i appreicate about her being so old is that she is more cuddly now (even though shes not great at it cos she's so fat and stuff), she's a good pillow though. the neocities logo in the top left of the neocities page looks like this for some reason, does anybody elses look like this?!?! what does this mean?!?! mckenzie, buddy, pal, chum, friendo, you've been working on the LTE rules page for like several years. LTE RULES PAGE WHEN!?!? LTE RULES PAGE WHEN MCKENZIE?!?! WHEN IS IT COMING OUT?!?! I PERSONALLY VOTE FOR YOU TO FAIL THIS SCHOOL YEAR IN ORDER TO PRIORITIZE YOUR LTE AND THE LTE HUB!!!!!!!!!!!! sorry, i'm too eepy today to be yelling like that. speaking of, i was recording screamy vocals the other day and a geninuely hurt my throat, like i yelled so loud it immediatly strained my vocal chords, that was pretty cool (in a grungy type of way) ngl. i'm tired, like i feel like that feeling when you get out of a hot shower and just want to lay down, i have that feeling, contstantly. tenpo kama lili la tomo pi kama sona ni li pini. ni la tenpo ni li tenpo pi mi weka! mi tawa!

day 1,344

what popping people of the internet?! hey internet, don't you agree mckenzie should update his LTE instead of being a nerd and quitting entirely? The internet responds "yes, i do" and bows to you cordially. SEE??!?! even the embodyment of the internet wants weekly mckenzie LTE updates to return (bi-weekly sucks and it is bad and slow)! my boyfriend said he was gonna try to look for my website, UH OH. good thing he'll never find it in the sea of the internet. if the internet was a city, this would be the back alley you can only get to by going into a different (presumably front) alley. what is the difference between a back and front alley? what is a front alley? anyway school is going to end at approximately NOW, so byeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! :3

day of sad

bad things happened. to me specifically. over this last wonderful weekend i was kidnapped once (twice depending on where you're standing, or maybe still once if you stand in a very specific place). to clarify, i'm not joking. anyway, moving on to things that will distract me from my mental state; such as the good old pastime of talking about the LTE community. we (meaning me and mckenzie specifically) have accidentally set a bar of entry for LTE's. LTE's nowadays are measuring themselves based on whether or not they are longer than "BusterDdogs boring life" or whatever (which was my IRL friends who is like that one distant jock friend but like at the time i convinced him to make an LTE we were closer and then he completely forgot about it). ya know when you have a friend for so long that you like drift apart and together and back again over and over, relationships are like sin waves (waves of sin, sinful waves). anyway i have a couple friends like that, where we're still like besties based on history, but like we don't talk for months at a time. but, if we were to hop into a VC together we instantly have that same energy as a decade ago. those kind of relationships are cool. anywho, idk what to talk about now. so now i'm doing that thing where i talk about not having things to talk about and then talk about that in an endless loop that ultimately does nothing but artificially inflate the length of this text which is actually the point so i guess it makes sense that would be where this keeps going. i mean, that was one of the first things i did here; and many years later, i'm still going. i think this weird longest text ever thing is the most commitment i've ever showed toward one project somehow. back to yelling at mckenzie now: MCKENZIE YOU ABSOLUTE BAFFOON YOU BETTER NOT QUIT THIS NOW IT'S BEEN SEVERAL YEARS YOU'RE IN TOO DEEP TO SUDDENLY DISSAPEAR NOW (don't be like jenny). i very much feel like $%!# right now, like emotionally and physically (i think i feel bad physically mostly because i feel bad emotionally, these two things have a strong correlation for me (to the point of causation)). honestly i think i'm doing badly in school right now, like i should work this week but i have a feeling i'm not gonna be able to get anything done this week. MCKENZIE LTE is probably the best work of literature written by mckenzie, like easily could become a copypasta (as confirmed by other LTE copypastas). ACTUALLY no it's not because "this is ep]c" exists. that document is the U.S constitution google translated to russian and copy pasted several (3?) times, and a nice picture of a dog (in the snow)? i feel like mckenzie should make that document public on his website in some way or another; THE WORLD NEEDS TO SEE IT, IT NEEDS TO BE WITNESSED!! i feel a deep seated resentment towards myself building at every waking moment. okay good(bad)byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeee! :3

day 1,338

okay so like the day says 1,338 cos i googled days since feb 24th 2020 and it said it had been that many days but the last time i googled that it'd been MORE DAYS!?!?! WHAT? okay so i did the maths and it turns out i accidentally wrote 41 instead of 31, and then i calculated the next day number based on that one so that next one was wrong too. i would retroactively fix this, but then i wouldn't have anything to talk about and i NEED things to talk (write) about. i notice people say talk instead of write a lot in LTE's (by people i mean me), maybe because LTE's are unbound by normal writing rules and are (mostly) ENTIRELY stream of consciousness. what is conciousness? how would one even go about begining to answer that question? i mean, you look at a rock; not conscious (i feel like i'm spelling that wrong). but you look at a human; very much conscious. at what point between the rock and the human does consciousness happen? is a cell conscious? if you define a cell as not being conscious, then how are you (nothing but a collection of cells) conscious?! if that rock from earlier (probably the same rock but you can't really tell all of the avaliable hypothetical rocks look the same, i wish i could get some quartz or something more hypothetically significant) had a cell on it, would the whole rock be considered conscious? how do you define the rock vs. the ground? is EVERYTHING COLLECTIVELY CONSCIOUS AND LIVING?!?!?! anyway have fun with those questions i have to leave (probably). silla (chair in spanish)!!!!?!

day 1,339

tomo sona mi li wile e ni: mi kama sona e ijo ale. taso, mi wile ala sona e ale, mi wile sona e ijo musi taso. tenpo ni la mi pali e lipu ni kepeken toki pona. ken la sina sona ala e toki pona. ni la sina wile ala wile e ni: mi kepeken ala e toki pona lon tenpo ni? sina wile e ni la sina ike! mi wile la mi ken kepeken e toki pona! sina ken ala pake e mi! ijo ante la nimi "pake" li pona tawa mi. mi sona e ni: nimi "pake" li nimisin ala, taso ona li ike tawa jan mute! mi toki e ni tawa jan pi nimi "pake" ala: sina pilin la nimi "pake" li ike tan seme?!? nimi "pake" li pona tawa mi. mi ken pana e sona mute kepeken ona. taso, tenpo ni la kon pi nimi "pake" li pona lili. tenpo kama la mi wile e kon pi nimi "pake" li pona mute a! tenpo ni la mi wile pini kepeken e toki pona. HEY GUYSIFHSUI!! sorry for toki-ing usando un lenguaje differente! a! mi pakala! mi wile ala kepeken e toki Epanja! mi wile ala kepeken e toki pona! mi wile kepeken toki Inli a! ENGLISH NOW! ENGLISH TASO! I MEAN ONLY! ENGLISH ONLY! AH! anyways now that that is over (ha, "that that" makes sense, english is weird), i can talk about things and have people actually UNDERSTAND (assuming anbody is reading this, i do assume that alot, and it isn't a totally unfounded assumption but it is one nonetheless)! however, class is ending now so i might dissapear.. okay seeya if i decide to write more today (hopefully in english!)

HEY I'M BACK (it's only been less than 30 minutes (i guess for you it's been about 0.5 seconds but whatever)), so i'm doing some rubiks cube solving again. i forgot how fun it is. i can still consistantly solve a 3x3 in under a minute, which isn't impressive; but it is to me because i haven't practiced or anything in like a year or more. i'm taking psychology notes right now, so i'm like writing a sentance here then taking some notes then writing another single sentence etc. "et cetera" NOT "etcetera" like some people say! it's two words!! the two words actually mean "and the rest" in latin. there is such a weird overlap between english and latin. DEFINE CHAIR IN A WAY THAT INCLUDES ALL THINGS THAT ARE CHAIRS AND DOESN'T INCLUDE ANYTHING THAT ISN'T A CHAIR!! IT'S IMPOSSIBLE!! that sounds like a splash text i would put on my main page. maybe i should (maybe i did, you'll never know (unless you find out (you'll never know what you don't find out))). i like nested parenthesis, can you tell? i wonder if any of this would still make sense if you removed all of the stuff i wrote in parenthesis.. does anyone actually read like that? probably not. do i need more things to talk about meaninglessly? probably. i'm dizzy today. i think i'm a bit dehydrated and i also didn't eat breakfast, maybe that's why? i also skipped lunch yesterday. idk. the word "cheeseburger" is ALWAYS in my head! like.. i like cheeseburgers but not THAT MUCH!! I LEGTITIMATELY THINK OF THIS WORD 24/7!! i haven't been able to do anything productive since the incident this last weekend, i'm just too anxious and sad and insert other negative emotion here to do ANYTHING. i am geniunely a failure i think. like i have accomplished nothing in the eyes of myself and my parents. idk. i'm like dissociating now, so i'm gonna stop writing before this gets too depressing. OKAY BYE!! HA, TRICKED YOU! you thought i was gonna stop writing my LTE just cos i feel like absolute $@#%?!?! NEVER! i don't need a break! i'd rather break.. down.. ANYWAY LET'S DO SOME MORE MINDLESS RAMBLING! BLAH BLAH BLAH! i think i'm having another LTE incoherent era (trademark)! did i ever have a coherent era? idk, i'm too incoherent to tell. i wanna talk and spend time with my friends right now but at the same time hearing about fun stuff they did reminds me of how little fun i've been having lately, and i get all sad or whatever. wow, i'm in a bad mood this entry. let's LIGTHEN IT UP. let's make it brighter (noooo wrong kind of lighten). you ever think about how lighter/brighter colours are also physically lighter/brighter? like they have more white in them which means they reflect more light, and are therefore physically brighter aswell as being percieved as a lighter colour. maybe this sort of thinking only makes sense (or is interesting in any way) to me but this is MY LTE and i can talk about whatever i want! like rubiks cubes! i need to memorize the 5x5 parity algorithms but i haven't learned a new algorithm for anything in a LONG TIME so idk if it's gonna be easy (especially because i'm REALLY slow at 5x5, mostly because i make no attempt to be fast because the way you solve it is very satisfying to me). also i just heard max park got like a 36 second average on 5x5?!?! that is so fast! like JEEZ!! it takes me like 7 minutes MINIMUM (idk i haven't timed myself), plus having to look up the parity algs when i get parity (which is always because god hates me)! okay class is over now so bye but like for real this time (probably not actually i might write later idk).

i'm in yet another class now, i forgot a pencil so i'm using that as an excuse to do things like this instead of boring math. MCKENZIE I SWEAR TO (the almighty pie) GOD this LTE rules page better be the most EXTENSIVE LENGTHY rules page EVER! it has taken you so many years to make it better be like the longest rules ever (the long awaited sequel to the longest text ever format)!! how are people supposed to know how to make an LTE if you don't directly tell them by using an IP scraper to find their address and then come to their house (dropping in through the chimney like santa is preffered, but if this option is not available for whatever reason you can break and enter the normal way, or if you really want you can just enter normally by like knocking on the door or whatever) and make them tea (or coffee, your choice) and then sit down and personally tell them about how to make an LTE (perferably playing the role of the reluctant mentor but an enthusiastic mentor works too it's just not as entertaining for the audience as the reluctant mentor trope is, so like your call but i highly suggest acting like you secretly hate your LTE student)! so like.. what was i talking about?? idk. ANYWAY, i should do another sweep for more LTE's; i haven't done one of those in a while and somebody might've made a new one in that time? probably not but it's worth a shot, ya know? HEY if you're reading this and you have an LTE submit it to the LTE HUB!! and if you are reading this and you are mckenzie you should probably check your emails to see if anybody has emailed about the prestigious title of "one who is listed in the LTE hub as an LTE". ya know, we might literally have EVERY LTE that has ever been made in the hub.. like, i wonder if there are others out there somewhere? maybe the longest LTE is one that only the creator (and that one friend you tell about it cos we all have a friend like that) knows about. i may never have the longest LTE, but it's about the journey, not the destination. does that metaphor (is that a metaphor or just a saying?) work if the destination keeps moving? like the "longest LTE" is not a static thing, it's a title awarded to the longest known LTE. this class ends in approximately 12 minutes, that's a boring number. don't some numbers bore you? like there are some numbers that are just inherently boring (like 12, 50, 25, 162, etc (to be honest it's mostly just even numbers and multiples of 5))? after this school day is over, guess where i go! go on, guess! I SAID GUESS! okay good. i'm assuming by now you guessed something at least subconciously. i go to d&d club! woooooooooo! i was thinking about how to say dungeons and dragons in toki pona. perhaps "musi pi tomo anpa en akesi seli" but idk if "en" is usable this way, it's used to indicate multiple subjects but there isn't necesarily a subject here, it's a proper name? it translates literally to something like "underneath house and fire lizard", which is fine. now that i think about it they kinda are subjects, so like.. i'll keep the "en". anyway "underneath house/room" is like a pretty vague translation, so maybe something like "tomo monsuta" which approximates "house/room of monsters" or "scary house/room" would be more pona. of course these translations aren't very exact because toki pona words don't correspond at all with individual english words, they have a much wider semantic space each (semantic space being linguistics jargon for "range of meaning"). anyway class is ending (again)! mi tawa! sina lukin e ni la sina pona!!

dang i stopped speaking english again!! i promise (i don't really) that i will continue habla-ing Ingles por todo el tiempo! on no i'm speaking spanglish again! darn! dang! dangit! dagnabit! shucks! heck! carp! now i have a longer class with pretty much nothing to do! i should probably do some work for other classes but like LOOL i ain't gonna do that, that is cringe! work is cringe! food, water, and shelter should all be free (am i a socialist?)! neocities recognizes the ampersand (&) as a special cool coding-related character and so whenever i use it it GIVES ME ERRORS ABOUT EXPECTED NAMED ENTITIES!!! AHHHHHHHHH!! i'm going to our schools equivalent to homecoming soon (it's called fall ball instead cause my school is quirky) and it's gonna be my first time going to a highschool dance (woo)! i'm not looking forward to it (aww) because i hate social events like that but my boyfriend wants me to go and my friends are all bringing their partners (one of my friends is bringing their friend who they want to date but like they aren't dating but they invited them to a dance which is a date so like oooooooooooo). i need to stop writing because i don't want this to be my longest entry. like that entry that i made before had so much more effort put in (years of cybersleuthing culminating in an epic monologue and a big reveal) and it deserves the recognition of being the longest entry in my LTE thusfar (the highest honor i can bestow upon an LTE entry). i've made a mini-entry for each class i've had today (i've had 4 classes today which correspond to 4 mini-entries). that's kinda cool, not very cool tho. it's only like a little cool in this hyperspecific context. my declining mental health has been really bugging me as of late. idk why, i just really want to be happy right now and i'm NOT and it's making me ANGRY which is NOT HAPPY AHHHHHHHHH!! i sure am writing a lot for somebody who just said she needs to stop writing. she just referred to herself in the third person, she is so weird. i should put these entries into a character counter to compare them, and then see how many characters i have left before i catagorically MUST stop. oh WOW i just looked and apparantly i have around 6,000 characters left! dang! i don't have to worry at all! so then why am i worrying? use the standard LTE information/teaching precedure to tell me EXACTLY why i continue to worry despite all logical reasoning! do you like cheeseburgers? i kinda do, but i don't like love them.. SO WHY DO I KEEP THINKING ABOUT THEM THEN!?!?! i'm not even thinking about cheeseburgers themselves, i'm thinking of the literal WORD "cheeseburger"?!!? I DON'T KNOW WHY?!?! you know what else i don't know (that is a weird sentence)? i don't know why i bother to use apostrophes (the little thing in the middle of the word "i'm") when i don't bother capitalizing anything?!? i also over-punctuate despite not using case execept to indicate enthusiasm.. weird. i guess in my nasin (nasin is a great toki pona word that encompasses the idea of religions, personal philosophies, pathways, as well as literal pathways and roads and stuff; the closest english word to it is probably "way") punctuation is not really important because it doesn't convey any meaning except to sometimes indicate proper nouns (which is moderately useful). capatilazation at the beginning of sentences is COMPLETELY useless. so in my nasin for writing i don't use them (unless i'm being formal or whatever. it's just slowly become less and less formal as time goes on i think. i'm relaxing into a bit of an LTE-ing groove right now. should i keep doing that think where i say the exact amount of characters i'm at? NO?!?! too f-ing bad!! well, as of that last exlamation mark (it marks an exclamation!) i'm at 129,216 characters! very nearly to 130,000! i think i've wrote more in this past month than i have in like a decent amount of my LTE, like this time period accounts for like a quarter of the total weight of my LTE! i need to use "like" a little less perchance. i don't want it to be my most used word anymore. idk why but it makes me feel l*ke a sterotypical teenager. ha! i censored my word in that last sentence and then i read it as "lake" instead in my head. lakes are cool. bodies of water just kinda not connected to anything else (except for glaciers and stuff sometimes). idk how lakes work.. how do they stay filled? how does all the water not stagnate and get all gross (i'm aware it does soemtimes but like why isn't it more gross)... IS THE WHOLE OCEANS JUST A GIANT LAKE?!?! IS EARTH A LAKE?!! OH GOD. i've got 30 minutes left until the end of the school day (then i go goof off at d&d club). people misuse the word (abreviation) "AI" a LOT! most of what people call "AI" is actually better catagorized as machine learning. actual "AI" doesn't exist because AI means that the AI is fully concscious and aware and think on it's own and that currently (to my knowledge) doesn't exist. that doesn't mean i will stop using AI that way though, because i am just so cool like that. i think it will happen soon though, we are at a tipping point where machine learning is faster and better and more effective and easy to use then humans and human learning. we will all die in the AI revolution soon, be prepared to join THE HIVE. by that i mean PLAY ON THE HIVE MINECRAFT SERVER!! damn, i wanna play minecraft except my dumb parents took my dumb computer for dumb reasons (i was kidnapped momentarily). if you can't tell, i have lots of family drama. i wish i had like a normal happy family and stuff but i VERY MUCH DO NOT!! i wish everybody would just leave me and eachother alone. okay i've officialy ran out of things to say (for the millionth time). i wanna go home now (or rather to dungeons and dragons club to cuddle with my boyfriend (he is amazing and i love him)). toki pona mi li pona ala pona? toki insa mi li toki e ni tawa mi: sina ike, sina ken ala kepeken e toki pona. taso jan pona mi li toki e ni: toki pona sina li pona mute, sina ken kepeken e toki pona! toki insa mi li IKE tawa mi. mi sona e nimi ale, taso toki mi li pakala lon tenpo mute. ijo ante la, mi wile e akesi suwi (akesi suwi li sama nimi "Axolotl" pi toki Inli), taso mi jo ala e poki suli! mi wile e poki suli tan ni: mi ken kama jo e akesi suwi! lawa mi li pilin ike. mi wile e misikeke Advil tan ni. taso mi jo ala e misikeke. ken la jan pona mi li ken pana e misikeke tawa mi. oh god right.. english. there is a good chance actually that a few LTE readers are indeed tokiponists and actually know what i'm saying (i know mckenzie is not because mckenzie is a nerd)! i figure that if i'm gonna practice writing in toki pona i should practice here in a dedicated space for writing nonsense. i mean, i wouldn't be the first to write their LTE in a different language (looking at you whiletrue and the votgil incident). wow, i'm only a few hundred characters away from this being the longest entry, which is lucky actually because i only have a few minutes left in this class (7 to be exact, 7 is my favourite number, it's so so cooooollll), and this class is the last one! i should stop writing and start goodbye-ing (in written form)!! adios! goodbye! mi tawa! :3

tenpo suno 1,340

OH GOD. my boyfriend found my website, but he i think wants my permission to read the LTE so idk if he will ever read this. HEHEHEHE. mije mi li lukin e ni la ona li pilin e ni: mi nasa! tan ni la mi wile ala e ona lukin e ni! taso ona li ken lukin e ni! a ike! if you are my boyfriend: hi, why are you reading thissss? anyways, we (meaning me) will be continuing as normal and just doing some classic LTE-ing. welcome to day 1,340! ken la that last sentence is a bit misleading.. you see, i may immenantly leave; and welcoming you like that kinda raises your expectations, and makes you imagine a long entry will follow, but it's entirely possible this will be a very short entry (also it could be long but that is unlikely). i suppose you can probably gauge entry length at a glance, and estimate how long it is.. by like.. seeing how physically long it is. writing systems are weird like that. you can gauge the length of a text before experiencing it, but with verbal interaction, you have NO way of gauging how long a given excerpt will be. i guess, maybe there are people how can actually socially interact like that; BUT I CAN'T. is this art? is this LTE art? is this just a living literary arts piece?! am i an artist for making this? i'm grasping at existencial questions to have something to talk about except the thing i grasped for i didn't have any ideas to expand on or disect the question so i just kinda reapeated it and then gave up; can you tell?!? does 2 people qualify as a group of people? dang i don't have anything for this question either.. i'm lost. i'm done. i quit. just kidding, i don't exist!! hahahah! i did the thing.. the "don't exist" thing.. that i used to do. that joke probably seems a lot more recent for you, if you're reading through all of this in the future, in one sitting. but if you've been for some reason keeping up with entries here for years, or you are me (don't think about it too much) you it's been YEARS and that joke is like an "old" joke by now. it's not really even a joke, the punchline is the only line. it's just some random thing i say to fill space, and it's become a bit of a staple of this text i suppose. like an inside joke that nobody (even the people in on the joke) really understands but thats why it's funny in the first place. i guess the whole LTE genre is kinda like that. anyway, are you in the future? i mean, obviously you are.. unless you are looking over my shoulder right now which just made me kinda scared honestly. anyway. you are in the future! whether by days, months, or years; you are the future. how is it? is it better? no? damn. what is your favourite thing about the future which is actually the present for you? these questions are pointless, there is no way for you to answer them and send your answers to my present. unless of course you are watching my write this somehow which would be terrifying (i've started looking over my shoulder and stuff now). this is a time capsule, even to myself. like.. when i look at the old entries i don't remember writing 99% of them, it's like somebody else did. and this is especially a time capsule to you, who is (as mentioned previously) in the future. hey! i finally found something to talk about, ain't that great! ain't that great future person?!?! what year is it for you? like for me it's 2023, and it probably is to you too.. but it's possible you are looking at this from centuries in the future! maybe this is in a museum because it is somehow the last surviving piece of the internet from this era and you are entirely creeped out that i somehow predicted it! if you are reading (or like.. beaming this directly into your consciousness somehow) this in the year 3023, shout out to you! you are so cool and awesome! even in 2024, you're cool too (and i guess current year readers are great aswell but that's not as impressive)! i mean, i started this before quarantine! past me didn't know at all it was gonna happen (probably)! although it started pretty soon after i started this which is why i dissapeared for a year or so in this LTE's timeline. the quarantine is probably something you're studying in school in 3023.. or maybe like the world has gotten so much worse that everybody completely forgot about those insignificant little years where everybody was inside. maybe it's not a big deal because you all live in space and nobody goes "outside" anymore. i love when i find something to ramble about. i bet i've rambled about this before.. maybe this sequel ramble has showed you something about how my philosophy and way of thinking has changed (deterioirated) or something! wow, i have DAILY LTE updates going now. crazy. it's probably been quite a while since daily updates (if ever), but like it's probably just because i told myself i wouldn't do anything this week to have time to process and recover from that little bit of trauma i just experienced. i guess i kinda have been slacking recently anyway so maybe i needed to work this week to catch up but WHATEVER i need a 'lil BREAK! we have hit 1,100 hits on the little hit counter at the bottom, ain't that cool. i use "ain't" a little too much. i'm at like well over 100,000 characters at this point and i DEMAND mckenzie move me up the appropriate amount of slots in the LTE hub!! it must reflect my correct character count and ranking!!! i wonder if this will ever be longer than the flaming chickens LTE.. maybe i'll stop like 1 character away from the flaming chickens LTE out of honor for it or whatever. probably not tbh. i have so much more to say (i don't)! the top LTE's all seem to be in the 200,000's (except for knockton, knockton is INSANE), weird. i wonder why so many get to 200,000 and then stopp soon(ish) after. maybe that's just how many characters one can write in middle and highschool before moving on with their lives.. although if i keep up my current rate (i very much won't) i may become the best top most coolest LTE'er ever! i don't tend to "move on" very often.. at least not from my perspective. i generally tend to hold onto things too long. okay i gotta put a little ending on this for now so i can save it and not have neocities DELETE all my progress! seeya! :3

okay so little mini-entry after school today.. i feel kinda alone in my situation in life.. like, i feel everybody has battoned down the hatches (so to speak) when it comes to school and life and i'm just kinda still here.. going through stuff.. procrastinating.. i feel like everybody else is kinda growing up or something (even people younger than me) and i'm just kinda left behind a stupid traumatized mess. i feel like everybody is coping and focusing on doing well, and i'm just laying down and letting myself fall ever deeper into fear, sadness, tiredness, and missing assignments. i feel a lot less connected to all my friends right now.. like last year i was in one of those periods where a have lots of close (or close-ish) friends, and now i feel like i only have 1 or 2 again.. damn. i feel like i'm venting into a void, but more and more of my friends are finding out about my site (or at least they will now that my boyfriend knows). if you are somebody and i know that is reading this, talk to me more often.. i feel myself needing the interaction of friends recently. i think i'm becoming almost extroverted, like.. hanging out with people actively makes me feel better.. although i still hate social events and the social contracts that come with them. social expectations of courtesy and stuff suck generally.. especially antiquated stuff like "sitting up at the table" and things like that, like, who TF CARES?!?! completely unrelated side note: the flaming chickens LTE button at the bottom of this site is uneeded but i want three links there and idk what to replace it with. anyway, that's all for now; just wanted to rant a little bit about how i feel like i'm lonely and it bothers me (not just being lonely, but the fact that i am ABLE to be lonely is a bad sign). seeya later (hopefully)!

tenpo suno 1,341

it's friday everbody (nobody)! math class is BORING!! i ran some of my toki pona through "telo misikeke" (a toki pona grammar checker) and my toki pona didn't have any major red flags (all errors that did appear are fixed now). although, i did use "sina li" like a dumb stupid person and then i forgot a "li" before "ken" like at least twice which was also dumb but whatever. i think in my mind i confused the whole "dont use li with kepeken" thing, and accidentally applied the same logic to ken. i mean.. it does still make sense so ken la mi kepeken nasin nasa taso. anyway, stampy's lovely world is over! it was so cool to be there for the premiere of the last episode, although not as cool as my friend how is IN THE LAST EPISODE. a video showing him got added to the love garden in the last episode that is so cool! if you have no idea what i'm talking about, just disregard all that LOL. time marches steadily onward and things will never be the same again, that's why i'm listening to another midwest emo mixtape; this one started with one of those really screamy songs so i know it's gonna be a banger the whole way through. i'm so tired and aaaaaaa today (mostly because my boyfriend stayed home to have a "self care day" today). i'm jealous of his life, he has such a good family. like, my dad would never let me have a "self care day" and stay home to work on my mental health, he doesn't even let me stay home when i'm physically sick! i was looking through the comments on a northwest emo mixtape (midwest emo but more often acoustic bascially lol) once and i saw the comment "the irony is that here in washington this is what the happy people listen to" or something like that; and thought it was really funny. i even named a song "the irony is that here in washington" (it's like my most popular and one of my best songs). the song playing in the mixtape is currently "dragon ball z budokai tenkaichi 4" by camping in alaska and i haven't realized how amazing this song is until now!! truly hitting me in my feels right now. putting in both headphones for this one, just to experience the whole thing (even though having both headphones in makes me really anxious because something could sneak up behind me or smth idk i'm really paranoid about my surroundings when i can't hear, i rely a whole lot on hearing i think. maybe not tho. idk. i'm feeling unsure about everything right now, very much dissociated. now listening to "harry" by macseal, it's really good too.. maybe i'm just in a mood where every sad song seems amazing to me. i wanna make music like this someday, but i can't seem to write anything fast enough.. like my style is permanantly stuck at very slow and quiet, but i wanna write faster more emo songs. i'd blame it on my lack of drummer (and lack of any other band members), but some of my favourites work pretty well as solo acts. maybe i just need a friend to play lead guitar while i jam and scream.. another thing: i kinda suck at screaming, maybe i can get better with practice but i have no space to practice that kind of thing.. i only do at the moment when nobody else is home LOL. i was gonna write "i'm so tired and anxious" but i should probably stop using this as a place to vent seeing as it is ON THE INTERNET, PUBLICLY! really, i don't care, i can always use the excuse "i just need more stuff to write about". i'm gonna try to close my eyes and lay my head against the desk like a loser, so bye bye! mi tawa! :3

what tf

so hey like what are you doing!? re-watching the video by jan Misali about the song Caramelldansen and who wrote it. it is very good and cool. i am bored. NEW (ish) Mckenzie LTE entryyy! isn't that amazing?! i have very little thoughts right now. so anyway, lets make this another entry to further reinforce the idea that mckenzie should use all possible free time to make LTE updates because logic and reasoning. also mckenzie you should totally leak all of your other projects on your LTE, i would check out that the stuff yes. also once again mckenzie has said that an LTE hub update will happen and then DIDNT UPDATE IT! oki gotta save this and say goodbyeeeeee in case i dont write more todayyy (and also it would be sad if i like died or something or left this behind forever and didn't say goodbye at the end ya know)? okay byeeeee! :3

mckenzilte (11/6/23)

dearest mcchicken, your bottom button appears to be broken. does this mean you are no longer a bottom?? it is HIGHLY inconvientient to scroll all the way to the bottom like a NERD! fix the damned button! in retrospect this could be a problem with my computer specifically. this gatorade i'm drinking doesn't expire until may of 2024, that's pretty long.. what tf happens when gatorade expires anyway? that is a scary thought. i suppose now that i have opened the bottle it will expediate the expiration. i found a "linguistics iceberg" video and because i'm a nerd for that kinda thing (it is a full feature length two hours). i've watched it 2.5 times in the last week. i need something better to do with my time (actually i don't, i have better more productive things to do, but i need to relax sometimes (most times) to stay alive). i fell asleep watching toki pona content last night and i'm hoping that i'm going to somehow have gleaned all possible information in my sleep (although it was a minecraft stream VOD tho so maybe musi Manka isn't the best place for education). i am simply dying. this last saturday night i had a strange pain in my chest and throat, it was a kind of pain i had never really experienced before with no real cause, it was like horrifically painful, i was writhing around and on the verge of tears for several hours and medication didn't really help. eventually i managed to get to sleep and in the morning the pain was completely gone. i think it may have been some sort of acid reflux because it was causing liquid to fill my mouth coming from my throat and the liquid was warm and burn-ey, except i wasn't nausous except for from pain it was just kinda coming from my throat without me gagging or anything, it was so weird. i basically felt like i was dying, it was truly horrible and something i will remember for a long while. i didn't really feel like "sick" it was just weird things and horrific pain that made it a struggle to even breathe. but as i said in the morning my mystery ailment was completely gone! what tf happened to me!? if anybody knows.. let me know in the comments (in the guestbook or something) or i guess make an LTE, put a response to my symptoms in your LTE and then send that LTE to the LTE hub and so i'll read it. it was so weird. i was having like the most painful night ever to the point i couldn't sleep and then in the morning i was 100% fine! honestly i think i would rather it continued so maybe i could write it off as an illness of some kind or make it easier to diagnose the long-term problem, but it just stopped and i have no idea why it started or why it stopped. like wtf is wrong with me!?! i am kinda tired today, idk what to talk about now (can you tell?). ahhhhhhhhh! also a little correction knocktons recent LTE entry (they updated yesterday YAY), every creative work (including LTE's) are automatically copyrighted as soon as you write them (at least in america) so you actually do have copyright on your LTE (and all code you've written, i'm pretty sure) unless you specify otherwise (which you have i guess). also knockton you just had your first alcoholic beverage at 19?!? i've been drunk and i'm at least a couple years younger than you LOL, i guess we've just lived different lives. also knockton you should really add a favicon to your site specifically because i always have lots of tabs open and want to distinguish it. oki i'm gonna put a little end on this for reasons mentioned in the last entry (stuff about sudden death (which seems a much more likely reality now)). mi tawa! byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!! :3

day some days after the previous days (11/8/23)

HEY friends! guess whos back (back again, shadys back, tell a friend)! listening to tears over beers by modern baseball even though i vastly perfer other types of alchohol to beer! i stole some code from eiznekcm (who stole it from chatgpt (who stole it from the collective data of all coding knowledge on the internet)) to count the characters of this LTE! i had to slightly reformat the site to make this work but it should (hopefully) function now. we're quickly approaching 150,000 characters, woo! today marks the day it is officially less than a month until my birthday, which is not good. it is not good because growing older is scary to me existencially (i cant spel). i've had a mildly sh*t day today so far, my boyfriend is home again so i'm alone (other than all my other friends lol). i started this entry to talk about something in particular and then immediately forgot what it was. fantastic. i am studying for a test and now know the name and location of every country in africa, i'm never even going to go to africa. i don't know all of the states of america (the country i live in (sadly)), but i know all of the countries in f*cking africa. maybe they'll do the next test on the states, and i'll learn those? i think according to the education system i was supposed to have learned them all in elementary school, however, i cheated on the elementary school geography quizzes, i hate when i'm smart enough to get out of doing things because then i miss the gained knowledge and such from having done them, doesn't mean i'm gonna stop tho! one of my online "friends" (it's more of a parasocial relationship, we're both musicians that make youtube videos idk) released an EP recently, it's pretty great. it's called "tell them all you love them" if you want to check it out. i'm working on an EP currently, it's coming along nicely, i kinda just need to polish the songs and then get some cover art from my friend who i keep comissioning unpaid. the song "head in the ceiling fan" is objectively a kinda silly song, but like it hits so hard and delivers an emotional message with such abstract lyrics. such a great song. anyway i'm getting distracted now, i should probably put a lil' goodbye on this. i get paranoid about goodbyes, everytime i say goodbye (literally almost every time) i think "that might be the last time i ever see that person" and IDK WHY AHHHHHH! oki, bye!!!!1!

we've (meaning just me, you aren't helping) crested 150K characters! wooo! it is a reasonable assumption that i will be ahead of the flaming chickens LTE by the end of the year, which is kinda.. scary? like, i spent all this time on this obscure thing and soon now i will show that i'm somehow more committed to it than the original creator was. granted, the contents of my LTE are MUCH less interesting than jenny's, jenny was the pinnicle of LTE-ing, and still is; however, mine will (maybe eventually) be longer in terms of length (wow thanks for that amazing clarifcation that you meant longer in terms of length not in terms of.. weight or something). ya know, this becomes something bigger once we (i) reach that point; not just a fan-work, but a full-on creation in and of itself. oki bye :3

wow, i've said "bye" thrice and have yet to stop writing. i just keep getting bored and coming back ya know!? i have no idea how this is more entertaining to me than anything else i could be doing, but whatever! who cares! (i care. deeply.) anyway speaking of absolutely nothing at all i have just completed a maths test AND had an existential crisis about determinsism (and how backward time travel would completely break what it means to be human by bascially unlocking free will)! basically my thought is, everything is deterministic, even humans. like, i wish i could've done better on my maths test, and i could've studied more EXCEPT i COULDN'T'VE STUDIED MORE! because there is no way to know the future, only judge the likely outcomes of our actions based on past experiences, it was pre-determined exactly what i got on that test, even my mood towards studying was predetermined. if somebody were to know the exact details of the past from the damn of time, they could make a completely accurate model of the events of the future, BUT even them making the model was pre-determined, and so any action they take to deviate from the model would be pre-determined by the model itself! but, if one were to time travel, and actually experience the events of the future first hand, this would give them the ability to actually change the outcome! disclaimer: i am not a physicist, psychologist, or philosopher, so i am very likely wrong; although i guess given the nature of determinsm it's impossible for me to change whether i am right or wrong in this moment. why did this turn into a philosophy rant?!? i've always wanted to be able to draw, but i just can't. like, in my head i can see what i want to put on the page i just can't translate that into pencil movements. visual art is weird. i guess all art is weird. i have D&D club today but my dearest boyfriend will be absent and so will like all of my other friends probably so it might be sad. is this just a journal now? i feel like i just kinda use this as a journal now. i guess, i never really used it as anything else now that i think about it. it's just a VERY public journal, formatted badly and given the title "longest text ever". i'm having a bad day (kinda). like nothing is inherently bad about my day, as in, nothing bad has happened. i just feel bad, and i think that's worse because there is no direct issue to solve or thing to overcome; just an endless struggle against absolutely nothing. why did i have to be born into the generation that has already given up on life? gen X took over, millenials got screwed over, and our generation saw this pattern and the world going downhill and just gave up. as i've said like 2.457 BILLION times now, i should probably put an end on this and say bye (only to have a good chance to come back later the same day, and a small but real chance to never return at all (i guess though that whether or not i come back is already predetermined (makes you really question the concept of "creativity"))). anywho (not anyway), byeeeeeee! :3

in my defence (11/14/23)

okay so like.. in my defence, i wrote my code in 6th grade (this is in response to mckenzie being a good fren and trying to fix my html code). like, i wrote it in 6th grade and then just copy pasted forward so any errors i made carried over the whole way. then also all of the experiments and everything i've ever done and all the redundant and useless code is just kinda.. hanging around? like i just never bothered to delete a lot of things so i'm sure there are some things that are just completely useless. i guess it looks like okay on the outside but the behind the scenes of this beautiful webpage is absolute $#!T so... also THE LTE RULES PAGE STILL DOESN'T EXIST! WHY?! the knockton LTE has been quite active recently, that's great! we got the gang back together all updating their again LOL. hey, i haven't started a random philosophical rant yet this entry, i'm finding actualy things to talk about, great! aw dang, i've ran out of things to talk about now. somebody should attempt to make some sort of LTE timeline, or iceberg, or some sort of vaguely information education meme format of some sort. i feel like this community is like not at all known and also weirdly popular for what it is.. idk. if you are an LTE reader, make an LTE (just be sure to follow the non-existent LTE rules), we'll add you to the hub (if you email and then mckenzie actually checks the email account). i'm lying on the floor in class, i like being on the floor. idk why.. oki bye i need to contemplate my life choices now.

tenpo ni li tenpo seme? (11/15/23)

qazwsxedcrfvtgbyhnujmikolp is the new qwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnm. it isn't actually, i made that up. kinda weird that we still use the same keyboard layout as the first typewriters, like it seems 90% arbitrary.. even alphabet order would be better just because it's something all (most) english speakers know. like seriously, why is one of the main (home row pointer finger) amd most easily accesible keys the LEAST USED LETTER IN THE ALPHABET (J). did you know you can write the word "typewriter" with only to top row? this is almost certainly something that 1. you did already know and 2. is an uninteresting coincidence and not useful information except for if you want to share useless fun facts or really have a lot of trouble spelling typewriter. i'm lucky that in my memory i've never had trouble spealing, but i have had trouble with handwriting. writing by hand is just enfuriating and painful to even think about. i think i may have some sort of dysgraphia because i cannot write well and if i write more than like a few words i get VERY unreasonably angry at everything and my hand starts hurting (perhaps causing or increasing the primal rage i feel when writing by hand). typing is fine though, typing is good, i like typing (can't you tell by this page?). although, i don't type very well. like, i can type at an alright speed (pretty average, good for any practicle scenario), except, i don't type "correctly". i don't really use a "home row and i think 75% of all the letters i type are with my pointer fingers. i just kinda never bothered to learn how to type in the "correct" way and just went with what was good for me (especially after my struggles with handwriting, i wasn't about to learn to type according to how the education system wants). but, for all intents and purposes, my typing is pretty good. okay, i took a typing test, i got 63 WPM. according to like all the sources i found online through googling "average typing speed" the average typing speed is around 40 WPM, which means i'm pretty significantly faster actually? it's not like i'm typing this text at 60 WPM a lot of the time though, i'm usually having to think about what to say next and all that which probably slows down my typing somewhat. i wrote a motivational thing on my arm, ya know like those people who are motivated do? except it's in two different toki pona heiroglyph systems (sitelen pona en sitelen sitelen) and just says "mi awen lon" which is basically just "i'm still here" LOL LMAO ROFL :D :) 0^0 (it has geniunely been motivating to me though, strangely enough). should i write an LTE entry in votgil as a reference to whiletrue (i don't even know votgil but it'd be funny). my boyfriend is going to get me tickets to a los campesinos show for my birthday i think, the show isn't until june but it's gonna be so cool. i guess i have my motivation to stay alive until june. birthdays la, my sweet 16 is in less than a month, i am NOT excited. mostly because the concept of aging is just scary to me in general. although, i have plenty of friends who are like 16-18 so it's not excatly like a super big deal but like idk i'm getting to the age where i can actually do stuff and so i'm expected to do stuff by society and my family and i don't like that. people have been famous by my age, people have accomplished things, and i'm sitting here on my ass. i can't imagine how much older people must feel, because most peoples lives ultimately don't amount to a whole lot. especially my generation, even if you're "famous", everbody is "famous" now, we're still all gonna die poor and sad. anyway, after that absolute inspriational quote of an ending, i'm gonna go. seeya (hopefully)!

p.s: hey falcon, i just now read your entry (i try to check active LTE's at least once every couple days idk how i missed the one from a few days ago until now) and 2+2 is in fact 6 and anybody who tells you otherwise is either trying to sell you something or trying to overthrow the governmment instituted by the squid uprising (all hail our tentacle overlords) (wow that is a dated reference to an early entry in my LTE). also for a character counter ask mckenzie i stole my code from them. also MCKENZIE FOR THE LOVE OF THE HOLY PIE IN THE SKY UPDATE THE LTE HUB!!! thanks everbody (literally just me only i have written this (maybe i should let a friend do a guest rant on my LTE)) for 160K characters. that's a lot of them little suckers ain't it (woah, bit too southern there!)! mi tawa.

lipu sin (11/16/23)

hey so like the stuff and thing i may have found a new LTE! on the neocities search function thingy there is a site with the LTE tag by misc544, and it was suspected they have an LTE but i've never been able to find it. HOWEVER, in the comments of the rainbowfluffysheep LTE i may have found a link! the messages attached to this link claim that it is one of the longest (somewhere around 300k characters). however, i cannot look at the link (its a github page) on my school-issued computer because they blocked github for some reason so i may have to verify whether or not this LTE exists later but here is the link. okay so it appears the link is a 404. dang. i guess the search for this lost media continues. also just so everybody knows, there is a secret link at the bottom of the flaming chickens main page that leads to an essay they did (for school presumably) about walmart and it's impact on the economy of the united states (from the dated perspective of somebody in 2004). i think it's only clickable normally if there is an error with the counter code, and then the counter will turn into a link to the essay? that is very much an edge case scenario but i guess it could be stumbled upon naturally. anybody have something i can talk about. i'm making my friend listen to agressive hyperpop by the amazing maia arson crimew. specifically "be gay, do crime" which is like such a great set. good for programming to, ya know. hacker vibes. anyway, i have officially completely run out of things to talk about, oki byeeeee! :3

lipu pi nimi mute pi nanpa wan (longest text ever) (11/17/23)

hey longest text ever readers of the great interwebs! i have absolutely nothing to say but figured i would update this anyway! almost daily updates this week, ain't that crazy!?!? i guess they haven't been very long entries though. ugh. we have this thing in advo where somebody (usually some stuck-up middle schooler) reads out all of the budgeting for the school which is like the most boring stuff ever like i don't need to know about how many napkins the art department is buying this week jesus. anybody like pie? i like pie, one of my favourite sweets and i don't really like sweets. i wanna have grape pie, can everybody contact jenny and make her make me grape pie i think they are the only one who is able to do it (some sort of secret ancient power idk). okay i have a secret to tell everbody (literally nobody only i know this exists, in fact, it doesn't exist, it is a figment (not referring to the oft-overlooked disney mascot) of my imagination); i don't actually like pie that much, like i like it and it probably is one of my favourite sweets but like i don't like sweets generally (i don't dislike them either tho), so to say i'm a "pie-lover" or something adjecent to that would be disingenuous (i very likely spelled that wrong but i do actually use that word like in real life and stuff so i'm justified in using it here because despite being a "fancy word" (most of english's fancy words are actually stolen from the french (ew) etymologically) it does actually make the point i'm trying to make better than explaining the topic out in a whole extra sentence (or using a slightly less specific word like "sincere" with like maybe another word or two of clarification if needed (you know what, i don't have to justify myself to anyone!! (that's a lof of parenthesis (good luck sorting that out (you gotta make a diagram or something (wow, 7 closing parenthesis, i'm a crazy loopy insane looney person))))))) somebody drew a giant alligator on the whiteboard in my classroom (colour and everything), then somebody else added the caption "it's gator time" (they even remembered the apostrophe i love when people remember that (i think i might be biased because i have an apostrophe in my last name (very irish of me))). i have strange "takes" on things i think, just in general the popular consensus on a topic is generally not my opinion/perspective. wow i really just stopped writing this entry today, and didn't end it. how SHAMEFUL! like it's been hours and i've yet to wrap it all up with a little bow on top and then gift it to santa himself. that last sentance was completely nonsense. the following sentence is true. the previous sentance is false. paradox. i'm gonna paraDOX your address, and send it to the whole internet. anyway, have fun. was hoping to write a longer entry today for reasons unknown to even me, however, i didn't, at least i didn't engage in uninteresting meta-commentary about LTE-ing, goodnight (it's 3:12 PM)!

something in the way (yeah) uhhhhhh uhhhhhhh (11/20/23)

idk why i titled the entry that, i've just had that song stuck in my head. thanksgiving break is coming up, so we only have two days of schools this week (woo). i got really depressed over this last weekend (boo), i like had a bit of an episode one night and like.. let's just say i got so worried for my physical safety that i had to call my friend and beg that they talk to and distract me. i ended up having a much better night after that, i've been trying to call my friends more; i like having friends. i've also been trying to open up to my friends more and like love them, and express that (like platonically of course but like you know what i mean). having loved ones isn't just family and people you fuck, ya know? it's anybody that you love. only 17 days until my birthday, normally it would be like an excited countdown to presents and stuff but the presents are NOT worth the dread that growing older is causing me lately. so it's more of a countdown of dread than a countdown of excitement. i am excited for christmas though i suppose, it's a holiday of cheer and i need some cheer in my life right now. i love the idea of christmas (in a way disconnected from jesus and religion and stuff, i'm not religious). i'm not relgious but like i'm kinda spiritual in a way? like i don't believe a personal god exists, but science still can't really explain how the universe started and something had to have happened. the world we live in is so strange, i'm convinced it's probably a simulation. i believe in a very behaviourist school of thought werein everything is predetermined but at the same time i really want to believe in the existance of something like a soul and some reason for life other than biology. DAMNIT! i started ranting meaninglessly about philosophy again! i feel like that makes for a pretty boring entry especially because i probably keep talking about the same concepts over and over. why are things? i have no idea but ya know, whatever. i am literally just typing things at this point there is absolutely no meaning to half of these things i'm saying. why are you here? why do you read these? ANSWER IN THE COMMENTS!! my friend was learning some toki pona and spelled "kalama" (sound) as "kala ma", which means "land fish". NOT THE SAME THING AS SOUND. it was funny, we made some memes about it. my friend was like "how would i say that the land fish was bothering me?", and i'm like "in WHAT context would you need to say that?!". i want to eventually make my whole friend group tokiponists. the other week i was walking in the hall and i could've swore i heard this kid who i've never seen talking about language and then say "jan pona mi o tawa pona" (which loosly translates to "go well my friend", and i was like "seme?!" but they walked away and i wasn't about to chase a random 7th grader (my school is high and middle school i'm not in middle school i swear) through the hall yelling at them in a language they may or may not know because it'd be really awkward if they didn't know it and i misheard. it'd probably also be awkward if they did because of how excited i'd be. they (as an easily peer-influenced child (not saying i'm not also one of these)) would probably be very thrilled to half this old woman come up to them and talk to them about their interests. i would find the kid again and ask but i geniunely cannot remember a single detail about them they looked like the average middle school boy that all the teachers complain about. i swear there is a "g" in complain! but it also doesn't look right with one ANYWHERE IN THE WORD so what the hell is wrong with meeeee. i just watched an audiotree live show, and then just push replay when it ended so i'm watching the same 35 minute video again back to back without pause. it's almost christmas time so i can start listening to the los campesinos christmas album now IG. i introduced my friend to it and they mad horrifying fanart of "the trains don't run (it's christmas day)" where there is a train with legs (and a christmas hat) and it's walking. my friend also made the cover art for my new EP that's coming out soon(ish), so that's cool. it's gonna be called "for when it burns", so that's fun. sad stuff, pretty cools. no drums in the whole EP but lots of lead guitar parts and bass instead of just the main guitar, all the instruments are played by me still tho because i have NO BAND. i want a band, it'd be so cool to play in a band and play live and stuff. even if it's just like one or two other people it'd be so fun. if you live in the portland, OR area and play an instrument, "hit me up" or something (email i guess) and we can jam together and write songs and be sad. so fun!?!!?!?! shoutout to my mom for existing and being one of my most loving family members (a very small select group), she is a weirdo though. like i'm pretty sure i got most of my neurodivergence from her (most neurodivergence is hereditary). she's also a (kinda) closeted non-binary person. like she acknowledges it but isn't gonna like change pronouns or anything but said if she would've grown up in my generation would've definately come out as a teenager. in honor of this i gave her an NB pride sticker to put on her fridge. i'm such a good and supportive daughter LMAo. anyways, i am bored and feel sorta sick for no reason so have a good day (unless you're a bad person but i don't think bad people would stick around reading this for this long tbh)! byeeeee! mi tawa! o moku e kala pona!

p.s: wooo we're over 170K characters, that's so pog and pona and cool and stuff.

warning: this entry may be cringe i was very tired today and some was written at night (11/27/23)

so.. i guess this is canon now. i was recently sent a link by crimsondestroyer to a page on the farragofiction website. jeez, i feel like i'm making a response-tweet to being acknowledged by a celebrity (i've never really used twitter, it sucks). anyway, so when i said earlier in that one entry that the loyal reader currently reading (as the title of "reader" would seem to suggest) could feasibly (but very unlikely) be eon337 (a.k.a patron saint of paperclips a.k.a jenny a.k.a jadedresearcher etc.). well, it appears i was more accurate in that assessment than i thought. hi jenny, welcome back to the community i suppose. now, you say "imagine having rules", well imagine being the one to (albeit mostly unintentionally) create the rules and then DIE! HA! now, i do have a strange habit of telling everybody to update their LTE's (because i get bored easily and have a fascination with reading them for some odd reason). and you (despite your mythical status) are NO exception! it's been a decade and a half, we've been (collectively as a collective community of individual humans (and likely others)) waiting. not having your password may be an issue, and i'm sure you have better things to be doing; but i mean, come on. time to read out some guestbook messages! first we have a message by jadedresearcher reading "zampanio is a really fun game. you should play it." well i suppose i really must play it now, i have been to the site and messed around for a second but i think i'm legally obligated to jump into the rabbithole now. cryptic and jennycore™ is the kind of vibe i look for in a game so i think i'll enjoy it. secondly, we have a message from "theorist of labyrinths" saying "the minotaur has taken an interest in you. would you rather be watched, or be a watcher?" which is creepy as all hell. hopefully this minotaur is taking a postive, more distant interest, rather than a right-behind-me kind of murderous interest. the concept of "being watched" is a strange one to me, like, how in the heck do people have the sense when their being watched. there should not really be any way they can tell, but they most certainly can. but that's just a theory, a possiblyzampaniorelatedcreepyguestbookmessage theory! game theory zampanio episode when?! anyway moving on to unrelated but still somewhat interesting topics (i feel like all i do is move on to unrelated but still somewhat interesting topics, it is my destiny) recently the discord for a band called crywank made a cover album of some of their songs and then crywank actually listen to and like officially endorsed the project which is pretty cool (ignore that the band name is "crywank" it's one of my favourites) they even sold cd's of it at the merch table at a show recently, so cool. now that i think about it, i may have mentioned it before? i am prone to forgetting things and repeating myself. sometimes i question having some sort of memory issue because i am prone to forgetting things and repeating myself. at least i wasn't considered dead by a niche internet community for a decade (unlike some people/person/entity i could mention). i don't have much else to say. so, seeya laters!

but really jenny, do you owe us anything?

the answer is very likely no, and yet, you've given us more than we could ever ask . in your efforts to escape you have given us an escape. i have read a rambly yet strangely poetic text file by the patron saint of paperclips and it has moved me to such lengths that i felt the need to ammend this overly fan-girly entry with a sort of "nevermind" on the whole "update your LTE" thing. though for many years we have addressed our LTE's to an "eon337" that is no longer alive, i feel a sense of relief on knowing that it is possible to move on from things in general. anyway, for any loyal LTE readers interested, here is the link. sorry to hear about your cat, we do all love him very much. this was never meant to be an accurate relfection of me, but of who i used to be at precisely the time of writing, each individual word a new chapter. someday, hopefully someday soon, i will look back at this entry and think "wow, that is a whole different person writing that, look at how weird and parasocial she's being!" our past selves die quicker than we'd like sometimes, but now is no time to mourn, only time to celebrate who we were, the good moments (however few they may be) we had, and move on. reading that back, it kinda sounds like i plan to stop updating this. god, i could never do that; at least, current me could never. i'm just here to provide weird rants and strange philosophical commentary to the disdain (or amusement) of the readers who probably don't exist but could also be everyone on the planet (and across the universe) for all i know. btw, just because i've officially let jenny off of the proverbial hook as the original creator doesn't mean the rest of you are free to go! update your damned LTE'S OR SO HELP ME I WILL.. be mildly bored and feel like i have no friends for a little. anyway, seeya guys next time i update this for more.. stuff. seeya! :3

rapidly approaching doom (12/04/23)

uh oh uh oh uh oh! my birthday is in three days, this is horrible. a horrible horrible dreadful thing (it is full of dread). i am somehow letting myself down by aging another year without accomplishing anything. i don't know how, but that's just how i feel. how do people plan things a YEAR in advance?!? like people plan things so far ahead, how?! don't you know you'll be a different person by the time said planned event rolls around?! you can't plan for how future you will react to thing. it seems that most people can i guess, i can't. i am quite an obsessive person, i seem boring but that's just because i spend LOTS of time doing absolutely NOTHING productive. i used to practice for hours and hours to get a second faster as solving a RUBIKS CUBE. i hate how my brain works sometimes (all the time (constantly)). i hate creepy people, like people who are in a discord you're in or something and you know like that person will eventually be in jail for sexual harrassment but like they aren't yet. they just think they are being "edgy" or something when they announce their m*sturbation habits or current state of arousal publicly?! like nobody thinks it's funny but when i say something like "stop" you just tell me to "die" or "oh come on have a little fun". news flash, nobody is having fun! this is only creepy and weird! stop! if you know me in real life you will likely know exactly who i am talking about. today has been a pretty negative entry, but i haven't been having a horrible day or anything my day is average and boring which is bad but at least i'm not having directly negative experiences just boring ones (unless you consider boredom a directly negative experience which i guess that's true it definitely can be). the "game" of life (board game) is not a game at all, there is no strategy or anything, it's just pure unintertaining chance. the few choices you get to make are ultimately completely unconsequiential because it just comes to down to ALL luck in the end. it's not even like gambling which is fun because the game is how much you can play the odds before you stop, but there is no equivalent in the game of life because the games take a while and you don't get anything from them. playing life is like betting on horse race but there is no actual betting it's just watching the horses, no investment other than an emotional one perhaps. maybe this is the same reason i'm not into sports, because i'm not old enough to bet on them yet so it's just like gambling without betting. the best "srtategy" for a watcher of sports is just to find the best (most likely to win) team and emotionally bet on them. it is not at all interesting to me. anyway, rant over. i released a new EP (extended play) of music (songs) to the internet (series of tubes), there are four of them. listen to them if you want, if you don't want then just don't. free will is so crazy (it doesn't exist). okay time to go. have a wonderous amazing day people who are reading this (of which there are 0). byeeeeeeee!

ah (12/13/23)

i am older now, it's after my birthday. yay. sigh. it wasn't as dreadful as i thought but still definately a bit full of dread. i hate spelling the word "definately", i cant spell it! ah! is that how it's spelled? it looks wrong. to google i go! okay, it's "definitely" damnit. ah (i am seething with anger)! anyway, i was looking at the yesterweb page and.. well the webring is gone, the forum is gone, the discord is gone, i thought this may just be a preparation for like some other thing but no, the yesterweb is shutting down as a whole. people were asking if they were planning to hand over control to somebody else, and they responded "instead of handing over the [yesterweb], we're overseeing it's controlled demolition." like, i understand not wanting to have to moderate something like that. but like.. could you have phrased that a little more gentle? like DAMN that is a dystopian-ass statement. i don't have a lot more to say, i was browsing some small websites and stumbled across a "headline" of sorts and so i decided to update my little corner of the web. despite my own self-loathing, i really like this little website. this website existing brings me some comfort even. i'm proud of this thing. i should say things like this more often. this is my first "positive" entry in a while (maybe ever), although, bit of a rough start. i'm watching a lot of video essays recently, i like feeling educated and entertained at the same time. i wanna go home and play guitar, i like guitar. i'm pretty good at guitar actually, at least, i am now. hey, maybe being positive and giving yourself positive vibes and affirmations actually does make you happier. WHO WOULD'VE THOUGHT?!? seeya laters, probably won't be too long though, knowing me. or maybe something life altering will happen and i'll never update this again. or maybe i'll literally die or something, who knows. oaky (like a tree?) bye bye! seeya! goodbye! seeya later! syrup! buh-bye! adios! mi tawa! toodaloo! ahhhhhh! okay bye! :3

p.s: the education system is broken (in america at least), and it deserves to die ahhhhhhh! wait, this was supposed to be a positive entry! quick, say something postiive... ummmm... uhhhhh.. i am so cool and i make music and it's good you should listen to it. oh god, writing that sentence was hell. also, we're at like 180,000 characters now. 200K here we come! teheheheehe! also i'm pretty sure i found misc544's LTE! it's hosted on fandom wiki for some reason but i'm pretty sure it's like a real LTE (i missed it before because most similar pages are copypastas but this one is original i think). i have just attempted to make all of the entry titles (supposed to just be "day X" but at this point it's kinda just a title because i am OFTEN too lazy to find out what day it is) centered in the webpage but knowing me ALL SORTS OF THINGS HAVE LIKELY GONE ARY and i will have to spend hours agonizing over html formatting which isn't really even a programming language on it's own and ahhhhhhhhh (jeez, lots of screaming from me today). i also made some other assorted formatting changes regarding lines and line breaks and such. okay, have an amazing day/month/year/decade/century/millienium/era/[insert universal unit of time here]!

embarrassment is a dish best served with a side of macaroni and cheese (as is every other dish) (12/27/23)

hope you all had a merry christmas! idk if i talked about the new site formatting yet, i probably have in the last entry but in case i haven't.. theres some slightly different (more consistent) formatting nowww. wooooo. anyway i'm writing here because i have now interacted (in an officially more lengthy capacity) with zampaniosim, and i think my brain has now exploded and i'm trying to find that one last piece to put it all back together but it's like under a couch somewhere or something (i wish brain chunks had some sort of beacon for east location of said chunks). anyway, i'm embarrased (jesus i swear i'm spelling that wrong) because i've realized that (in recent times) i've made quite a lot of entires about stuff like a weird internet mystery that turned out to be just some person forgetting their password in the late 2000's, and then in between those entries i'm just going back to rambling about my life and like normal LTE stuff that isn't related to strange internet mysteries and instead more geared toward math class complaints and talking about how shit my family is (although i try to avoid that, sometimes it slips out). like, is the core audience of my LTE going to care about this internet mystery (i suppose actually some of them do because it's related to the founding of this community but-), and is the core audience of the.. zampanio people(?) interested in my life ramblings and journal entries (spoiler: NOPE THEY ARE NOT). to be fair the "zampanio people" is mostly the ghost of eon337 and crimson destroyer (maybe). i've accidentally connected this little LTE community to a much larger ARG and vaguely homestuck adjacent one (coincidentally run by the same person (may they rest in peace) that founded this little thing that has ended up turning into one of my hobbies (that i don't tell very many people about)). i mean, even the people that know i have a little internet presence in the form of a website don't know how many hours i commit to writing nonsense on it. this is all very cringe probably. i mean, who came into this expecting me (a random teenage girl) to not be super cringe and parasocial being able to vaguely and distantly interact with (what is in her (my) eyes) a celebrity. anyway, back to my first impressions on zampanio. i'm not entirely sure what is and isn't part of it anymore and i'm almost nearly certain a more helpful inquiry would be "what isn't zampanio?". i ordered a plate of pancakes (or maybe it was waffles) and i've spent the last hour exploring a universe of artificially generated images and artificially generated glitches in those images and now i'm playing a typing game. there was also a room of people, talking to eachother, or maybe to me? and then somebody walked in and i think they might have killed everyone? it probably didn't help that i first played at like 3 AM. anyway, it's time for me to go i decided because i actually am the one running this whole little "show" here. ummmmmm.. okay bye. as always, love you loyal readers!

p.s: i do a lot of post scripture stuff nowadays, should probably break that habit before the post scripture becomes longer than the scripture. anyway, i was browsing some webpage somewhere (likely from a link that crimsondestroyer sent me (thanks for all of the links to things)) i found some picture or something of actual real flaming chickens merch. now i'm sure soemwhere in here, probably much earlier on, i complained about the flaming chickens merch store not actually having merchandise to purchase. and i would like to formally ask a rather badly formatted question going a little something like this: "omg omg omg can i please buy flaming chickens merchandise from you, it would be like purchasing pure dopamine and i would be eternally greatful in a very creepy almost obsessive sort of way". :3

happy new year (1/2/24)

OMG OMG I HAVEN'T WRITTEN HERE SINCE LAST YEAR (oh wow. such a funny joke (not actually a joke, entirely truthful statement that might happen to be humurous with the right tone and context (which i don't have here)). welcome to yet another year of this LTE, i'm still here, in 2024! if you'd told me when i started this in 2020 i'd be going 4 years later i'd be.. mildly dissapointed in myself probably. jk.. i'm dissapointed in myself a bit now, but 2020 me would think it's sooooo coolll i'm still here (she would be wrong). i guess though, it is a little bit cool i still do this, at least i found a way to write a diary without having to write on paper. i HATE writing on paper, it sucks. i think i may have some sort of dysgraphia.. i can't even format my thoughts on paper and it is physically painful to write. but typing is just fine thankfully, as we discovered a few months ago (idk i can't tell time) i have an above average WPM. this SUPERHUMAN TYPING ABILITY (slightly above average by a little bit) allows LARGE GIRTHY texts like this to FLOW GRACEFULLY from my fingers. i wonder if anyone else has been updating their LTE's, i have been on winter break so i haven't been checking (that's why the entries have slowed these last few weeks). i had something that i wanted to write here, and i forgot what it wass. DANGIT, valuable LTE content lost to my horrible memory. sigh, i hate my stupid memory and it not remembering my stupid thoughts. i have trouble getting things into my long term memory, short term is fine, and when i don't think about it long term retention is fine but when i try to remember something i DON'T! WHY?!? sometimes it feels like my brain is actively sabatoging me, bad user experience, would not reccomend this brain. i'm like noticibly neurodivergent, although, maybe it's just most noticeble to my family because my mom is a psychologist (degree and everything). also, my friend started writing an LTE, check it out here. i wrote more to this entry but then right after telling my friend "hey be careful not to overwrite your progress in neocities by not refreshing the page when switching computers" and then EXACTLY THAT and deleted more than half of this entry. if you saw it for the few hours it was up, you are now part of an elite group of only you that has that secret piece of LTE lore (mostly me complaining a great deal about premiere pro taking literally (not literally as in the modern usage where it means figuratively (the exact opposite) but in the actual meaning where it means the following or current statement is factual in a literal sense) 30 minutes to launch. i got it to work eventually though, isn't that great! okay, i have now reached the point i have nothing left to write about and start either ranting about semi-obscure philosophy or just talk about how i have nothing to talk about which is probably boring. i'm writing this during what would be d&d club if the DM was here but instead we're just hanging out (by hanging out i mean LTE writing and my boyfriend is sulking that i dragged him here instead of going back to his house to make out). i've been in hiding from the physics police for several years now, they still haven't managed to catch me, it turns out them not really existing corporeally makes it very hard for them to catch me, they have tripped me quite a few times but other than that i've managed to keep my distance from cliffs and airplanes (for the most part, some close calls though (one time i was in an airplane that suddenly had to drop down 30,000 feet to avoid a storm so for a while it was very turbulent and scary and floaty and such)). oki, byeeeeeeeeeeee (seeya later if i magically remember what i was going to write about through some stroke of luck or something (most of my memory seems luck dependant))!

p.s: i said i needed to stop the post-scripture-ing but here we are, just wanted to say only 42 days from tomorrow until the 4 YEAR ANNIVERSARY of my LTE!! wooo! so exciting (is it tho?)! me and mckenzie should plan something. mckenzie, if you're reading this, you should like.. plan something for us to do on the 14th of feburary 2024. anywho, bye bye (for real this time it's not clickbait i swear (or i guess it is because i'll likely be back to type here but just like not today so depending on how much time you assign to the average "bye bye" then it may actually not warrant a "bye bye" from your point of view and therefore be clickbait to you))! :3

i am obssesive and compulsive but hopefully not to the point of disorder (1/3/24)

listening to music and stuff in psychology class. i did pretty good on the test, i didn't even study. i never study actually, for any test, but like.. i do okay anyway so i guess i'm saving myself time to.. do this i guess (i'd be sacrificing my grades to do this anyway so). i'm listening to hot mulligan live from the basement. is "the basement" the name of the place they are playing in? is it a studio? it kinda just looks like somebodies basement with some free-standing sound paneling and amps set up, it could feasibly be their random basement but calling it "the basement" seems a whole lot more official. i guess they are a bit of a bigger band so it's probably some sort of studio or smth. i brought an entire large (nearly) 2L bottle of welch's mango pineapple juice to school today, i have already drank about a third of it. we have this teacher everbody hates at my school, and one of the OTHER TEACHERS (my psych teacher) has a poster taped to the wall saying "mr. *mean teacher name here* does not enter here. this is a safe place." like damn, even the other teachers hate this guy. i'm pretty sure he's only still employed here because of tenure. he is a pretty horrible teacher and a not-so-great guy in general so i'm not surprised. he is like actively intentionally mean to students, not just strict or smth. he seems like he kinda dislikes kids. ANYWAY, i have to take psychology notes now so byeeeeeeeeee seeya at some point in the near (or distant) future!

this doesn't count as post-scripture it's just later in the same day and i was like "i should write an entry today" but then checked neocities and i ALREADY DID. see what i mean about my memory? gosh. i feel like something bad is going to happen soon, i feel like i'm slowly being socially outcasted a little or something? like people forgot how annoying and horrible i was for a while and now they're remembering and trying to get away from me again? i tried to talk to somebody today and they went "i don't know you and you don't know me" despite there being many of our mutual friends around.. it might've been a joke but i feel like the sentiment was true, people are embarrased to be seen around me? idk, maybe i'm just paranoid. i kinda felt like for a minute people kinda liked me but now things seem to be going south? maybe i'm just noticing patterns that don't really exist though because i can't pinpoint many legitimate events where people have actively shown they dislike me but like.. it's just a vibe i get from everyone i talk to. did i change for a while to some more socially accepted version of myself and now i've changed back? i haven't conciously changed my behaviours, but maybe i've started doing something different and people don't like it? i have a constant feeling of "oh god what am i doing wrong now" and it's eating away at me. i feel like i'm going to break and have nobody there to pull me back to reality one of these upcoming times and end up dying alone, by my own hand, in total silence. wow, this entry got dark. i should tell more funny stories here, like, some lighthearted stuff about small inconviences and like.. the existence of certain genres of food or something. sorry for depressing all you loyal readers, i hope you all have a good day regardless. bye bye for now.

day 4 of 2024 (1/4/24)

wow already 4 days into the new year. here to write that i noticed that (before i wrote this entry obviously) the character counter ended in "666" which was a funny if not a little ominous sign. additionally, i just noticed that the text in the neocities editor is up to over 1,000 lines, that's cool. i just drank apple juice from the forbidden fruit, or at least it's heavily implied that i did. what i mean is that the apple juice is the brand "apple and eve" which seems to imply that this is the forbidden fruit which would also imply it has some connection to sin or something i'm not sure the exact logistics of that bible story but i'm pretty sure eating the apple is classified as quite a bad thing. i think this thought about the bible story made me primed to see the 666 in that number and that's why i noticed it enough to point it out (funny how brains work like that). a few days ago i saw my grandfather for the first time in 5 or 6 years and he's even weirder than i remember, but he's weird in an almost charming socially awkward kind of way. he collects lots of cd's and is very particular about his setup for listening to music (he let me try it out and it's great). he has a chair in a specific place in the room where if you sit in that particular chair then the speakers are angled to give that specific spot the perfect auditory experience. also the music he listens to is very.. queer? the first thing he put on was something that i recognized (i probably heard it from a midwest emo mixtape at some point), which was the album "lush" by the band "snail mail". like the last thing i expected to hear from this guy was an emo girlband that only got out of highschool a few years ago. i liked it though. he also had a literal flail on the floor, like a medieval weapon flail, just laying on the floor like a decoration? weird guy. pretty certain he's some flavour of neurodivergent (he said he might try to get diagnosed soon or something). oki bye for now.

i have a headache (1/5/24)

i have a headache rn, idk why. i think some people think i'm way healthier than i am because usually when i am in pain or feel sick i just.. suck it up and don't tell anyone.. which is probably not good for me but like- whatever i deserve to suffer in silence. anyway, we have to do this weird carreer planner thingy in highschool today and none of the options are my ideal lifestyle. this is like the highest form of pro-work propoganda. it is like "you are a cog in a machine, look at how many fake choices you have! enjoy it (but not too much)!" it's highly dystopian. it all seems like quite a downward spiral. anyway, i must depart promptly to go comply. must comply. byeeeee

i think the headache is because i'm dehydrated.

oh. my. gosh. guess what? no really, i mean it, guess! big news! did you guess what the news was yet? no? well i'm not going to tell you.... okay fine the news is that there is a new mckenzie LTE update! woo! isn't that so exciting! and if you were to guess further there might be sine extra information to be gleaned from this weird guessing game thing! yep! it's that I WAS MENTIONED in the entry! what?!?! crazy!?! also, erm.. i have no idea what to do for the anniversary, that's why i was asking you silly goose! my friends are all (all is an exaggeration but a fair few) starting to get jobs and that is scary and stuf.. i guess this is just a part of growing up, right? i don't know.. this whole "growing up" thing seems a little "off" for me.. i feel like i've only gotten worse.. like, i'm rapidly apporoaching peak unnattractiveness i feel like? my hormones are doing stuff and my body is becoming.. well to put it frankly not as quaint and girly as i'd like it to be.. idk, i probably should stop writing these late at night.. why am i even writing this at home?!? usually i only write at school but i've found myself updating at home more and more often, maybe that's part of growing up too. i'm desperately afraid of change.. almost all change, even positive change. okay, i'm gonna call my boyfriend (whos also getting a job ughhhhhhh) to help calm me down to go to sleep (it's like 3 AM). love you all, byeeee!

i have a headache part two (1/8/24)

i don't know what emotions i'm experiencing right now, but they are quite unpleasant? i was playing a song and singing this morning and my lip randomly started bleeding, that's probably a bad sign. i think i'm anxious about school, i'm falling behind but i just can't for the life of me convince myself to do ANYTHING EVER! WOOOO! i'm totally a failure.. like.. objectively (at least that's how i think others view me, and how i view myself). i can just talk randomly, like the good old days. i have no cheeseburger. somebody that sits next to me has revealed to me verbally the exisence of a day-old chipotle burrito and I WANT IT. I WANT IT NOW! GIVE IT TO ME. i don't actually want that specific food that badly, but i haven't eaten since like 5 (post meridian, also known as PM) yesterday. should i check my grades? i don't think i ever have before.. if they're better than i think i'll get a huge boost of motivation but if they're worse than i think i'll actually be LESS motivated to do the damn assignments. okay, so i only have one F right now, and i have a big assignment i can do for that and i think i won't have an F anymore.. other than that i still have like like 2 C+'s and a C which is probably not good but if i can get those up to to like b-'s i'll be fineee.. i hope. i'm going to work on that big assignment now. ughhhhhhhhhhhh. i'm dying. i worked on the assignment and wrote like 2 sentences and then that class ended so i had to stop to go to spanish class where we aren't allowed to do anythingg. so, idk what i'm gonna do.. i feel like i'm such a failure ahhhhhhh. okay enough negativity, i'm gonna go do class now. byeeeeeeeeeee

OMG I'M IN MY LAST CLASS OF THE DAY AND JUST REALIZED WE ARE NOW OFFICIALLY OVER 200K CHARACTERS! WOOOO!! celebrations everybody, i have now written a LOT. like a lot a lot, in an offical capacity! i will write about this more when i have more time to rant about the significance of being over 200,000 characters on this here LTE. i think i've written most of this in the last year despite having this going for almost 4 years, so crazy. okay love you all byeeeeeeeee!

the difference between MDD and feeling depressed (1/10/24)

i'm having to like come to grips (so to speak) with my clinical depression. like, i'm trying to look on the bright side, i am actively choosing to look at the positive side of things and i just can't. not that i don't know how, or that i won't.. it is clinical.. i quite literally cannot. i keep beating myself up about how i just am not good enough and i just need to learn, but it's like telling a blind person "oh you just need to see", i cannot. because it is clinical (not a state of mind but a mental disorder) it isn't a question of willpower or anything it is actually impossible to just suddenly be cured by a change of outlook, the outlook is caused by the disorder and there is no cure. this may sound trivial to you, but i periodically realize this and i think it helps me cope (i think, maybe it just makes things worse). it's the difference between "feeling depressed" and "having depression", they really should change the name of one or both of those thing because the feeling of "being depressed" is completely different from the mental disorder of depression. i suppose though that "depression" is just the everyday term.. the actual term is "major depressive disorder" i think. people should start saying MDD instead of "depression" to clarify between being depressed and having a major depressive disorder so that dumb kids such as myself don't hate themselves even more for not magically getting better. i am literally (as in not metaphorically or jokingly) never getting better (as in the disorder will never be cured, i can only learn to cope with it and treat it, but not get rid of it), and that isn't just me thinking negatively, in fact, it may help me think more positively about myself. see, this is a positive entry after all? i said i needed more of those! anyway, i have been eating lunch with sam (his website) these past couple days. i very much enjoy his company and i keep being like "oh hey i should like talk to him sometime and encourage him to eat lunch with me because i sit with more of our mutual friends than i used to (at least one) and it might not be as awkward for him" but then.. i never do? i'm bad at initiating interactions especially because reaching out online might seem a lil desperate and we don't have any classes together this year and stopping him in the hall on his way to somewhere (probably more important than me) would be quite awkward (for him and for me) so i just didn't really say anything.. idk if he still reads these, but if you are here, hey sam (ur cool)! okay i gotta go to my next class now (every class is only 35 mins today because of a district-wide 2 hour early release schedule (for no reason)). love you all loyal readers, byeeeee!

reflections on being over 203,941 (the amount in the original flaming chickens LTE) characters coming soon, i actually had ideas for what to talk about today and i save my LTEing-related topics for proverbial rainy days. :O

look mom, i'm on tv (1/11/24)

i made a movie in my film class and the whole school is going to see it today, wooooo. in some ways i'm proud of it, in some ways it's pretty shit. i didn't even get to make my own full cut of the movie because my damn premiere pro took literally (not exaggerating) 30 MINUTES TO LOAD. UGH. i think that objectively spiders are cute and i shouldn't be scared of them. however, i am still VERY SCARED OF THEM?! why?!? i'm not really scared of other bugs, why spiders? i think that spiders are cool and even cute but like I'M STILL SCARED OF THEM?!? whyyy must my brain be this way?? might add to this later, bye bye.

i didn't add to it later (1/12/24)

today is a 2 hour early release because everybody was pretty sure the SNOWSTORM was coming but it got delayed until tommorow but still 2 hour early release today so YAY! i'm tired. i'm gonna go visit my mom today for the weekend, it was gonna be a month until i see her next but we figured something out so i can see her this weekend, fun. Anyway, because of this early release i am now being released, so byeeeeeeeeeee!

there was a blizzard (1/22/24)

i'm not talking like a small one you get from dairy queen, no, i mean a REAL LIFE storm! everything was icy, then it snowed, then more freezing rain on top making the snow into a giant ice sheet. this of course made it impossible to go ANYWHERE and we had a whole week off school. nice one mother nature, little wintery wonderland break from the HORRORS of school. I am officially already old and jaded looking down at the generation after me, like.. the boomers might not like the millenials, that's fine. we absolutely HATE gen alpha.. like too much. anyway, i'm gonna go catch up on my LTE reading because i haven't checked in a while and i'm probably missing so much (i am not). okay, LTE recap for these last 2 or so weeks: knockton made a new entry. that's it really. really i'm serious that is all that happened plz stop asking!!!! because of the snow they moved the semester back, that's nice of them. This means i can procrastinate another week before I have to do all of the stuff i missed and then give up and only do one or two things and just barely pass all my classes with like a C. although, at least i haven't failed a class thusfar. that might change this year tho who knows, if i do fail a class my father will actually try to make my life a living hell, so i have to either never fail, or i have to just like move out of my dads but that might be difficult because despite the fact he gives me hateful vibes like way more often than a father should he also still wants me in his house. i think it's because it might look bad on him if i "get away from him" and start telling everybody the truth that he is a narcissist and horrible to live with. like.. i love my dad, and he will probably stay in my life in the future but i just need that level of seperation between him and me where he has no power over me. like, he really likes having and excerising power over people. idk.. i love him, but it feels like he doesn't love me. or at least that his form of love feels a lot like hate because typically you don't try to control and manipulate people you love but ig he's different. he is really protective of his image and so he won't let me leave the grasp of his control without a fight. we've both been trying to delay that fight i think, but it's inevitable unless he suddenly changes (he won't ever change). damn i started doing another diary entry kind of entry, this isn't a diary i swear (it kinda is tho)!! i'm tired today. i am very scared of change and i am dating somebody who really likes change and i really hate change but opposites attract i guess except life is torture but we really love eachother so we just gotta figure out a way to make it work. i just gotta make him not change so much.. which will inevitably lead to him feeling trapped and resenting me and me having to control and manipulate him in order to maintain status quo and keep him around. and there we have it folks, i'm literally just my dad. this is no fault of mine though, because i simply inherited the same mental disorders as he did! woooooooooo! i hate myself so much, why do i have to be such a bad person? this may sound cliche but like WHY CANT I JUST BE NORMAL?? also the thing above where i suggested i will conciously mentally abuse my boyfriend was just a like prediction of what could happen i am going to try my hardest to have that not happen but like i feel like that's what i am gonna do. i hurt people, that's just who i am. and if you're looking at this like "oh but you're a good friend you would never do that" you are WRONG you are not the exception! i end up hurting everybody eventually. jeez, that shit was dark, wasn't it! i am not in a good mental state i guess? i thought i was in a "a bit anxious but okay" mood today but i guess this whole writing thing kinda exposed my true feelings not just to you but also to myself, ya know? i didn't know this is how i felt until i tried to write it down. at least i wrote a LOT though, long entry woo! i am putting chracters into my LTE and who are you to judge what i write about (i am likely the only one judging me for this). god, i wish i could change more easily. i wish i liked change. i would try to change into somebody that likes change, but that would be change and therefore i hate the idea. i'm kinda stuck it appears. just in general, in life. stuck, that's what i am. i'm just rambling about nonsense now. i like rambling about nonsense because it puts MORE CHARACTERS INTO THE LTE. this is all unbelievably cringe, i am cringe. my own expression is not of value and is irritating to others. okay, maybe actually possibly i should STOP writing now so i stop being all sad and mopey and stressed and mad at myself and all of the other emotions i think i might feel. okay gtg bye byee have a good day love you alll!!

day 1,440 (almost exactly 100 days since the last entry with a "day marker", and also approximately year 3.95 of my LTE) (1/24/24)

i might've talked about this like last entry, but somebody who goes to my school died. we got an email last thursday and it was like really ahhhhhhhhh. i knew them but we weren't like super close.. i think on the stages of grief i'm still in denial cause like i haven't come to grips that they aren't ever just gonna walk into class. rest in piece i guess. life goes on.. i wish i could pause things for a while. anwyay, i wanted to update this but i don't know what to say past that. we are at a LARGE amount of characters now, that's pretty funny. that's cool. this is entry 86 of my LTE (i counted by hand (by "by hand" i mean mentally whilst scrolling, it's not like i counted to 86 on my fingers (which is possible but i'm not that cool)), is that special? maybe i should do something ultra special for entry 100, that'd be cool. speaking of miscellanious (not how you spell that?) milestones, the 4 year LTE-aversary for my LTE is on the 14th of next month (feburary)! mckenzie has still yet to decide on an event for this, or update the hub with a rules page, or make a new entry in a while (looks at you with a mildly angry and annoyed expression). although, you are supposedly sick rn so like maybe not the best time to write an LTE (just kidding ALL THE TIME IS THE BEST TIME HAHAHHAHAHHA). also spicey the spice root thing the spice the red one hi hello hi, i dont recall what i wanted to say to you. at least most of this LTE is now me talking about how bad i feel constantly over and over instead of doing meta-commentary on the LTE itself.. that was CRINGE (i guess).. but i guess that's what i'm doing now so i guess I AM CRINGE. WOAH. COOL. SO COOL. I AM SO COOL. i am going to perform at an open mic on the day before valentines (possibly with the amazing spice04 (read their LTE) as my bassist)), it's gonna be cool i'm gonna feel so cool and stuff. and it's one of those open mics where there is poetry too so people are gonna think i'm soo cool because my band is gonna perform (depending on whether spicey feels up to it "my band" may be literally just me). also, we've gotten a drummer, and we're gonna play together at some point. but drums are big and hard to transport so we have to play at his place except i don't know him that well so it might be awkward to go do band practice ALONE over there so basically what i'm saying what i'm trying to convey what i mean is that spice04 should actually come with me literally actually and so i'm not alone so if you're reading this you should learn bass to the point where you have the confidence to say that you play bass but like you don't actually need to be good just like pretend you're good and the goodness will come later idk how things work aaaaaaaa. it would probably help if i wasn't like REALLY BAD at teaching things like absolutely horrendous like you should probably just look up tutorials online. it's weird how looking up tutorials online and learning stuff through that is considered being "self taught" even though like somebody else is teaching you but since it's not like 1 on 1 in person lessons it doesn't count for some reason like i guess i didn't really learn from video tutorials like i just kinda looked up the tabs and played them after i watched like half of a video telling me how to read tabs.. but like somebody was like "are you self taught?" and i was like "no i learned from tabs online" and then they were like "oh, so you're self taught" and i'm like "okay that has changed my known definition of this word for me wow" except i didn't say anything actually i just nodded. my hands are getting tired because i'm typing this fast and so i'm going to stop typing now so i can like not have pain happen to me and stuff okay okay okay bye bye bye bye!

day 1,442 (1/26/24)

maybe i said this last entry but i felt a little sick yesterday and now today i feel VERY sick so that's FUN!! woooooO! have a good day because holy shit i am NOT!

day 1,446 (1/30/24)

i was sick for the whole 3-day weekend and i'm still kinda sick but i'm at school anyway because i hate myself! WOOOOO! oki seeya.

day 1,447 (1/31/24)

i got spice04 sick, whoops. sorry!

goddamnit lost track of day and don't wanna do the math (2/5/24)

im in a constant state of living but it doesnt feel like it for some reason like i feel like i have no life and i don't like it. i don't like me. i wish i was a real person. i wish i was a real girl, i feel like a fake (woah this is a really good example of dysphoria and i AHH). except i'm BACK i'm no longer actually sad just kidding no time has passed i just kept typing after the last sentence and TRICKED YOU into believing i'm a happy normal person. i conciously try to trick people into thinking this about me but i SUCK AT DECEPTION so like they all think i'm sad still which is NOT what i want because that's not "NORMAL". woe is me. i am woe. the concept of woe is synonymous with the concept of ME. i feel like i should've "gotten my shit together" already, and like.. "sucked it up" and "locked in" by now. but i'm still uncertain and it feels like everyone else somehow has "their shit together" but it probably isn't that way? this is probably irrational anxiety from my diagnosed anxiety disorder? MAYBE. HAHAHA. EEEEEEEEEEEEEE. cheese. say it. say cheese because i'm taking a picture. the picture doesn't include you i just want you to say it anyway to celebrate that i'm taking a picture.. of myself. it's a "selfie". nevermind on that i couldn't find a good angle so i made you say cheese for nothing, i didn't take the photograph. i've watched inside by bo burnham in the last few days can't quite place exactly what day and now i'm watching it again. well actually i have my phone in my pocket and i'm in class but i'm listening to it. i think at some point he calls you out for probably not watching and just listening to it in the background like i currently am. that's bound to be FUN and a bit scary maybe. we live in a dystopia. this is dystopian. everything is PAIN. okay bye for now love you guys!

the back that smiles snack shifdolg (2/6/24)

i've been really stressed recently for several reasons. i won't talk about one of them here right now but the other one is that SCHOOL EXISTS AHHHHHHHH!! okay i actually have just realized or whatever that i don't wanna type right this moment so bye for now. byeeeeeeeeeeee

overtly political LTE entry (2/12/24)

i've been seeing lot of people going around online saying things like "all these AFAB non-transitioning non-binary people with their excessive labels are saying even having a medical tranistion is transmedicalist" (like they will say that and not realize the irony in saying these people self-label too much whilst labeling them with a bunch of things smh (this also brings up this one really cool video i watched doing a retrospective on the MOGAI movement on tumblr and 4chan and other forums and how that movement is kinda dying out? (although it has kinda been revitilized lately elsewhere and along with the whole non-diagnosable split personality stuff which is a whole different topic))) and whilst i have see people say that, people are using it as a strawman for arguing and being transmedicalist and that's probably not good. the political landscape right now is volatile and i'm not quite sure where i fall. i feel like i have slightly strange political views. sometimes i feel like i'm not left enough to fit in with some crowds? anyway slightly related, being a binary trans person i'm like the "face" of what being trans means to people who are transphobic? it kinda feels like the transphobes (at least the ones facing the media) haven't "gotten to" the non-binary people yet? like trump talks about "transgenders" often-ish, but to my knowledge has never talked about NB people specifically? not saying they should target NB people LOL.. whatever ahhhhh my brain can't organize thoughts enough to talk about politics right now. maybe i will later. later meaning some other day, because today is almost over (school wise at least). i'm going over to the house of spice04 after school today, on the bus. i've never rode a school bus before except to go on fieldtrips and stuff.. maybe it will be fun? idk it's probably similar to a city bus but instead of bus stops they just stop at the kids houses. oki byeeeee

day 1461 (not a round number because 2020 was a leap year, dang) band practice reflection and LTE-aversary (2/13/24)

putting the promised political rant aside for now i went over to the house of spice04 (which as you all totally know is the bassist for my band) and we did a band practice! woo! we learned one original song, and one cover.. as a little band! it was actually so fun idk if i expressed properly how fun it was at the time but i very much enjoyed doing band stuff! they are just starting to learn bass and i'm surprised at how fast they were able to learn actually, i'm pushing them pretty hard i feel and it seems to be working out! i love when things work out. we didn't have an amp for the bass, but we did have a crappy old karaoke machine with built in delay and reverb effects which.. was not preferable but we got it to work eventually. i feel like with one or two more practices we'll be able to play at least like 2 songs, which means we're like totally a band now. like actually officially a band rather than like saying we're a band as a joke!! wooooooooooo! excitement! band! FUN! we'll be playing stadium shows in no time, we'll open for all of our favourite bands and stuff like that. well actually maybe i shouldn't joke about that, some of my favourite bands are pretty small and local and opening for them could actually be a realistic goal. hell, i know at least one musician who goes to my school who to my knowledge has never played an offical live show so i could probably convince them to open for us (although realisticly i would want to open for them cos i think they are way cooler than our band).

WAIT today is THE DAY!! it's the day today guys! everybody gather round the firepit and let me tell you a story about a lonely little closeted trans girl in 2020 who started this LTE exactly 4 YEARS AGO! THAT'S RIGHT! it's the 4 year anniversary of my LTE! this isn't that significant it's not like i have anything planned, but dang it's been a while. i started this a while ago. at least i'm not like the patron saint of paper clips.. this year is something like the 20th anniversary of their LTE. crazy to think about. do i have the record for the longest active LTE? as in the LTE that has been LTE-ing for the longest amount of time i'm clearly not the longest in terms of character count or whatever. we should get some official record keeping here, mckenzie runs the LTE hub but is sick and busy and stuff ALL THE TIME and i'm not even sure we're even getting a rules page any time soon so hoping for some more advanced LTE statistics pages would be.. unrealistic. unless mckenzie wants to come and prove me wrong? please? tomorow is also valentines day, which isn't all that significant me and my boyfriend don't really have high expectations for valentines but he was super cute and stuff because he was like "i don't have high expections for this but i want to ask what your expectations are" like omg that was a very like.. healthy relationship thing to do? idk it just felt really special he checked in with me about that cos he didn't want me to be dissapointed if i expected something. anyway we aren't gonna go out cos we're both busy tommorow but we might try to meet up extra this weekend (i think we both just want the excuse to). he's been really busy with work so i haven't been able to see him as much but i'll make it (i hope). speaking of not having plans, i have no LTE-aversary plans. you should make some though. go out and celebrate or smth. use it as an excuse to do some self-care or have fun with friends. reconnect with friends and family or whatever! also somewhere in this entry marks 222,222 characters, that's a lot of 2's! okay i'm getting bored of writing maybe i'll write later today or maybe i'll dissapear for a year, i've done it before! you really never know with me! i try to be unpredictable but i'm actually very predictable i'll probably be back tommorow (i can never spell tommorow correctly).
I could continue, but I'm alread bored. Cya! ^_^
(yes that's a flaming chickens LTE reference)

i stand CORRECTED mckenzie has started work on an LTE hub redesign apparently :0

day 1463

i wanna write in my LTE so i'm gonna do that. lets see.. topicsss... oh! i have one! so ya know how last entry literally like only a few seconds ago if you are reading this all in one sitting (not reccomended) i was talking about playing at an open mic (hopefully i mentioned this last entry it woudl be very awkward if i didn't), well i DID! isn't that so soo coolz! yea, i went okay actually! i didn't mess up horrendously! it wasn't like my best performance ever cos i was very nervous but it was at least tolarable! it was also my first official gig as concrete leaf which is my.. music name? author name? band name? i guess it is a band officialy now even though i played alone. funny thing is, i played alone even though the whole band was there. the bassist is my bestie so obviously they were there but also the prospective drummer was there (we've never actually played together but we're hoping to soon). this bodes well.. cos now once i make them both practice some songs or whatever we can do a full band gig and it will be super epic and much less scary than going up on stage alone hopefully! my goal in terms of time frame is to be able to at least play a set with the full band and maybe even get paid by the end of 2024. maybe even before i'm 17. if i can get a workable band together before i'm 17 i'll basically have my whole life sorted out. obviously (not too obviously actually) i'm joking but i'm also not joking because that is like pretty close to my goal in like.. life? i just wanna play sad music with my band and have fun, and then die.. that's the whole bucket list basically and if i can have that done before i'm 17 i'll be totally SET because after that if anything goes wrong i can just die. like once i've completely my quite achieveable bucket list of playing a decent show with my band in like a run-down pub somewhere anything else i do in my life is just extra and i can therefore not worry as much.. hopefully. and if that doesn't fix me there is nothing left to lose!! HA! i've solved life. what philosophy is this adjacent to? at least one other person must live life like this? right? no? oh shit.. damn. that sucks for me huh. anyway i'm gonna stop BORING YOU and LEAVE now. also new spice04 entry this morning, go read it it's deep. okay, byeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!! :3

day 1464

i beat celeste classic, was pretty short but i can see the inspiration they took from it to make the next game. i've already beaten the main game but i'm also playing on a crappy school chromebook and not a controller so my muscle memory didn't cross over and i sucked pretty bad. here are my stats if you're interested. okay bye!

day of me having a breakdown (2/20/24)

im having a breakdownn. i told my school counselor the situation and she said my dad sounds psychologically abusive and i think i may agree. i love him and he loves me but his love feels a lot like hate and i'm eeeeeeeee. anwyay, sorry for venting. might write more about this when i'm more stable. love you all, seriously.

day of me finding hope (2/21/24)

i'm determined to make some good of this. frankly, i need to get away from my dad (but now instead of thinking of doing that by suicide i'm actually gonna just make change). i hope to do this as soon as possible. i've recently found motivation in life generally in the form of this weird.. band thing.. and my friends/boyfriend. so, now that i have (mostly and temporarily) lessened the threat inside, i have now realized there is a threat to my psyche outside aswell and i need to get away from it to insure my health and safety. this has been a long time coming, it's just been building and builidng but this time it's different. i'm not afraid anymore, this is a fight for my life and damnit if i kill myself before i get to play shows with my band i'll be mad!! so i gotta stay strong and fight my emotionally abusive family in order to.. ya know reach that goal of living long enough to play in a band and do cool stuff with my friends, and move in with my boyfriend. so anyway, that's the plan! woo! i have passion towards a plan for once in my sorry life! it's like.. more of a goal.. cos idk how i'm going to actually.. do it. but.. it's a hope. i have hope, which is not something i have often. i've gotten my favourite part of the mixtape i'm listening to aswell, this is great. this entry is probably nonsense but like.. aren't they all!?! i don't owe you reason or logic! i owe you only TEXT. LONG TEXT! and that's what you're getting, so stop complaining or i'll call the physics police to your house like how somebody called the real police to my house! okay, love you all i'm gonna listen to this music and process emotions for a bit.

i'm in math class, so back to the mundane unless i get really anxious again. i'm trying not to think about it but even when i'm having a great day i find myself unable to pay attention to this guy talk about polynomial functions over and over. i think i may not be interested in this kind of math, because normally i love watching people talk about and teach me things but only when i want to learn those things. case in point (is this how you write this, sometimes i misshear common saying and think they are saying something else like the concept of "pay per view".. instead i heard "paper view" and was confused): i payed full attention through the entire duration of a 2 hour MIT linguistics lecture. i like linguistics and he was a moderately engaging teacher. i even let him explain and answer questions about assignments in this random class i'm not in, because i was imagining how cool it would be to do those assignments. linguistics is cool, if i ever go into a scientfic study, linguistics might be it. see? back to normal. my mom said i was astonishingly resilient. i also.. opened up to her a lot. i had to finally tell her about all the things i'm going through mentally. i was trying all this time to stay strong in front of her and thought it's about time i tell her what's going on so we can fight together. so i did on the phone last night. i managed to get my grandmothers landline phone working even though they had it unplugged when i came over, a bit suspicious but whatever. wow, you (averge reader) have NONE of the context here.. dang. i really don't want to have to explain this whole situation again so.. i'm just going to leave vague sentences here and there for now and maybe if i write a testimony in court or something i'll copy-paste it here. jeez, my teenage mood swings are getting to me today. but i can stay strong.. i.. hope. i mean.. i wish. idk. at least i have hope. god i'm repeating myself. i need to listen to some more music now and play some more celeste classic, i'm trying to get a better time.. so far best i've done was somewhere around 9-10 mins or smth. okay seeya love you! special thanks to my friends, ya'll are on my official list of "things that help you not want to harm yourself" they made me make!

update: got 7:19 just now. still pretty bad but fast improvement. not normally a speedrunner but this is fun. update again: 5:46

started reading my step-grandmothers book, about her re-discovery of childhood trauma and discovery of her DID system, pretty capitvating. sorta triggered me a little bit because of how much i relate to feelings of dissociation and depersonalization, so i'm gonna try to call my boyfriend now to calm a little. to be clear i don't think i have any sort of DID. more incoherence is coming in the future! but the fun kind instead of the depressed kind! i've set an alert on this page that will go off if i don't update it within a year apologizing for my presumed death.. hopefully you never have to see it! well i guess you will see it one day just hopefully not soon. if you are on this page and that alert pops up.. sorry for dying! or maybe i just get to a place in life i forget about this site and forget to update it.. in which case the version of me that made the site is also dead.. in a way.. so maybe it would still be correct on at least a philosophical level? anyways, as always, have a better day than me, stay more hydrated than me, and love yourself (unlike me). i love you all, if the universe is on my side, i'll see you tommorow (by "see" i mean.. write to in a way where i'm writing to the abstract hypothetical concept of a person reading this and not any one individual (although i do suggest at some points you interpret the text as talking directly to the reader (you) because i do intend it that way sometimes))! :3


got a 4:04 in celeste classic :3

friday (whoopsie) (2/23/24)

i may have done another whoopsie.. now i distinctly remember writing a MUCH longer entry (than a single sentence) yesterday and i think i might've done one of those silly whoopsies and DELETED IT (or forgot to save it). so.. to recap what i said in the now-deleted thursday entry: i've censored the finding hope day a little to not include details of self-harm. i also wrote about officially passing the hermnerp LTE and being 3rd place in the HUB (although the hub may not update to reflect this in a timely manner because the hub is the hub) and also that i am coming for mckenzies 2nd place spot (mwahahahahaha)! catching up to knockton may be a bit.. difficult. but maybe i can do it eventually. okay gtg, i'll hopefully write more later today, byeeeeeeee

new PB is 3:54.


i survived the weekend. actually i more than survived, i thrived the weekend. i was at my mothers, and it was great. i got to see my baby sister.. now that i think about it she's not really a baby anymore, i've just gotten used to calling her that. hm. anyway, back on the train of moping about how my big bad sad dad had been to me. he is not good to me. and i can't live at his house anymore. i think i may have a good way out but it takes a lot of efforttt, and i hate putting in effort. james, while john had had had had had had had had had had had a better effect on the teacher. perfectly grammatically correct sentence as it turns out, let me make it more easily digestible with context and punctuation. there is a situation in which two children (james and john) are in a classroom writing essays. in johns essay, he wrote "bob had a ball", in james' essay, he wrote "bob had had a ball". james' essay got a better grade (very short essays i know). this sets up the following sentence as true: james, while john had had "had", had had "had had"; "had had" had had a better effect on the teacher. great sentence. you know what a better sentence would be?? ALL HAIL THE HOLY PIE GOD! yep, great sentence. amazing. good message and everything. buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo. bison from Buffalo bully bison from Buffalo which bully bison from Buffalo. see? this is the kind of random i want in every single LTE entry. cheese! say cheese! i'm not pretending to take a selfie this time i just want you to SAY IT. gosh, now i'm out of things to write. damn. there is some weird conversations going on, this person has drank breast milk and eaten dog food BOTH ON ACCIDENT. i'm convinced they will eat anything in front of their mouth. they also talked about eating.. other things.. and a different kind of "eating". my body is like AH because of anxiety. okay gtg byeeeeeee

tuesday (2/27/24)

i think i need to stop having problems. my silly little LTE website can't handle me having problems, it's too silly! this should be fun and funny and mildly entertaining interspersed with me being bored in math class or something like that, not me talking about trauma i'm going to think about for the rest of my life! using this as a (slightly censored) diary does help though.. idk. maybe this thing will be silly and fun again once i resolve all of the traumatic life events i am currently dealing with, after that your regularly scheduled ripping off of the flaming chickens LTE and talking about character quotas and cheese will resume. okay, i have to go to school now, syrup!

tenpo mute li tawa li weka a, taso mi kepeken ala e toki pona. tenpo majuna la mi kepeken e ona. ken la toki pona mi li kama ike. ni la sona mi li weka a! ike a! tenpo ni la mi kepeken e toki pona. mi lukin e lipu tenpo sin, mi kute e kalama musi tan kulupu Mom Jeans. ni li pona a.


been a week since hope day and i am going to have to wait ANOTHER week before anything happens quite possibly. dang. i can hang in there though. i just need to stay as comfy as i can and keep my motivation before i do.. the thing that i'm gonna do. except i SUCK at maintaining motivation so like.. idk if i can do it. but, i'll let you know. i want to do some sort of something with this website soon, add some more pages and stuff.. idk what to add tho. suggest things for me to add in the comments/guestbook thingy on the main page. i am existing. currently i am alive and still here and stuff. mi awen lon. tenpo ni la mi tawa a. mi o lukin e sina lon tenpo kama a!

i just donated blood! in return they (my school not red cross) gave me pancakes and a 20 dollar giftcard (and also a way to get out of math class)! oh, and i also helped people i suppose! so.. how are you? oh i forgot you DONT EXIST!!! HAHAHAHAHAAHHAHHA MWAHAHAHHAAHAHAH! philosophical question: can an AI write an LTE? He dreamed of leaving his law firm to open a portable dog wash. this sentence was AI generated, no human wrote this sentence.. so.. is it allowed? does this break the (currently) unspoken rules of LTE-ing?!!? HAVE I SINNED? or have i simply ADAPTED to the times. ya know.. the times? the ones we live in right now? these current times in which humanity is more doomed than ever? yeah, these ones okay, bye bye.

thors day

wow, i am like.. surprised by how time is working right now. it's so slowww, but also going fast-ly? idk how to explain it. there are internet things happening and i'm a bit glad i'm missing them.. even when i return to normal chronically-online life i'm going to try to avoid most of the centralised internet. gonna stay in my own bubble where i can enjoy media that i enjoy without fear of judgement or anything. my only social presense will be through my music i think. and maybe amongst my school on instagram.. idk. i'm just going to try to not get involved with drama, or like.. know about any potential drama. also, cancel culture.. definitely a thing. not sure what i think about it.. i mean, is it really productive to publicly shame people for like... having read harry potter at any point? like fuck JK rowling, she sucks. but.. the media she created is pretty good, and i reserve the right to seperate the art from the artist and read as much harry potter as i'd like (which is approximately zero.. but it's the freedom to do so without fear of social repercussion that matters). like, i can understand "hey this person sucks maybe don't take them seriously or give them money anymore" but like when it gets taken to like "the media created by this person, and anybody who has ever associated with this person is now completely worthless and watching it means that you agree with everything the person being cancelled has ever said". like.. no? that's just not how interaction works? at least that's not how it should work IMO. you shouldn't listen to my opinion though, as i've said, my political ideals are quite strange. like i'm a trangender person.. and i think guns are cool.. and apparently according to our current culture those two things cannot coexist? idk. so weird. like.. the right to bear arms is there so that we can fight back against the government idk how that got co-opted by facists and right-wingers but whatever.. okay, i have to go back to mi clase de esapa(insert n-tilde here)ol now. have a good period of time!

i added a better LTE hub button at the top and replaced the link at the bottom with red's LTE. woo.

froiduay (3/1/24)

didn't wanna like.. not have an entry today, so here i am. wooooo. so exciting. i'm so excited to be excited. ALL of my friends forgor to come to school today so.. i'm very lonely. literally, mckenzie, red, and my BF all didn't come today and NONE OF THEM ARE SICK. red woke up late, mckenzie said he forgot to come (probably is actually sick but whatever shut up) and my boyfriends brother got sick so he didn't come to school for some reason even though he isn't sick!?!? it's cos he's one of those people that is still really paranoid about covid even though it's like.. basically not a problem now. in my area it's like less common than the flu and worldwide statistics concur with my assessment but one person gets covid and suddenly my boyfriend is all "i can't come to school even though i tested negative.. just in case". i've been raised in such a way that i view staying home from school as a big deal and like people not showing up is like "wow you must be really weak" because i like try to never stay home from school.. like i go to school quite sick sometimes. ugh. i hate my biases against things like that.. like i know it probably is healthy to take breaks from school when you feel like it but my brain is like "wow they are all so weak and sensitive just suck it up" and i'm like WOW i DO NOT think like that! my concious opinion disagrees with my brain's learned bias. bleh. i forgot my headphones today so i'm really bored like what am i supposed to do to procrastinate!? research random things on wikipedia and learn the rules of triplanetary by reading a 6 year old play triplanetary thread on a very obscure forum and read through the entire PBF (play-by-forum) session and then get the rulebook and map digitally but not have any friends to play it with? no, of course i would never do anything like that.. i finished my grandmothers book a couple days ago, ending was good and empowering but i still hope all of the turbulant life events end soon so i can go back to being a "normal teenager with normal teenage problems" and struggle with things like boys and homework instead of a constant depression and suicidal ideation. okay, granted, the depression is chronic so i'll still have that but at least the suicidal ideation and self harm will go away.. i hope.. ugh. making change in my life is so hard. the saying is "it gets worse before it gets better" and right now is the part where it is worse. okay, i'm gonna go now. bye byeee. love you all!

happy first day of meteorological spring! equinox isn't until the 19th tho.

saturdayy (wow what?! weekend entry? no way!)

i looked up at the sky yesterday and the sky was mildly overcast but it was beautiful. the day prior i was walking with red and we commented about how it was like we were in our own little world. i like that. i just want my own little world where me and my friends can chill out and play music and worry about trivial things, like.. just existing as ourselves without resistence. i don't want to join the "big wide world" like my peers, i just want to have fun with my friends. okay, gtg, bye bye. have an amazing day and i love you all! look at the sky today.

found this blog post, definitely rings true and further expands upon my feeling of wanting my own little world rather than being subjected to the "big wide real world" which everyone seems so eager to participate in, this digital world of mainstream social media is not the "real world". we are slowly forcing ourselves into the matrix. like the gif on my main site says; delete twitter, make a neocities. take back the humanity and personality that social media has stolen from you. limit your time on reddit, tumblr, instagram, pintrest, youtube, etc. never ever watch "shorts" or "reels" or similar short-form content. delete tiktok, delete snapchat, delete facebook, delete twitter. support smaller individual real people/creators, not corperations or large groups. consume at your own risk. okay rant over, bye bye.

to add on to what i said the other day, and the concept of "deplatforming". generally, bad. i know, very controversy, but like.. intentionally silencing people has always been bad right? the right to choose not to listen is more important than the right to never have to hear anything bad. people (stereotypical leftists) focus so much on wanting to never hear anything offensive that they forget that same logic can be used against them if the dumb right-wingers were to just say "i find leftism offensive". i think society should focus MORE on freedom of speech for individuals instead of trying to silence them and like.. look around at all the giant corperations you are supporting because everything bad they've done can be more easily swept under the rug. i don't understand people who can participate in "deplatforming" on TWITTER (now called X for no reason), like you do realize you are currently using TWITTER to say somebody is bad!!? do you know what twitter is?! do you know who runs twitter?! HUH!!!?!?! like you realize the social trends in which you so gladly participate are being puppeted by governments and companies right?!?! how- how do people not realize? people need to come to terms with the fact that just ignoring people is more powerful than giving them negative attention in our society currently. all this isn't to say i'm not a hypocrite, i mean.. i seem like the perfect candidate to be this kind of person right? like i respect and empower minority groups AND think that social media is bad?! apparently a near unheard of combination of ideals in our current social climate. i think that trying to silence all opposition just makes it seem like we can't win the argument.. like i KNOW that queer people are valid so i don't need every piece of content that i consume ever to reaffirm that? i don't want to live in an echochamber. what are we gonna do once nobody is allowed to be wrong or make mistakes anymore? that sounds kinda dystopian. all that being said, i'm too far gone to be saved basically. i am indeed chronically online most of the time and i'm kinda just speaking this into the void in the hope that maybe the generation after gen alpha can be saved. idk. i'm talking to nobody here. maybe i should write a manifesto, that could be cool. also i'm really anxious and tired right now so like.. pretty much disregard this whole thing because i don't really know how i feel and i'm not sure if what i just said is completely representative on my actual views, i'm bad at expressing these sorts of things. ughhh maybe i should take a nap. once again, i'm just writing this for the sake of writing it. it's an LTE not a real blog! ha! you idiot, you thought i was going to say anything of value?!? NO. NEVER. I REFUSE. it's an LTE, if you want to be told how you should think go watch some propoganda (this brings up a point where people for some reason think they are immune to propoganda? but that's a disscussion i will pretend to have with myself at another time). anyway, have a good day. love you all!

i used to have a lot of journals. in them i would sometimes write about life but only ever in the way i thought i "should". the only real expression in my journals came from the slam-poetry-like song lyrics. it was stunted though because i HATED and still do HATE writing on paper. i was unsure why for a long time but since i was kindly enlightened by a friend of mine (of course the same friend, red) of the existence of dysgraphia, i think i probably have that. now i write in google docs, take audio tapes, and write into HTML consoles. speaking of that same friend.. erm.. i spend a lot of time with them i think? like.. we just slowly grew closer, and now we're best friends. i like being best friends with somebody, but it's scary.. maybe even more scary than relationships.. sometimes i wished i could be less attached so that it hurts less when i one thing too wrong and they leave. i wish people would stop leaving. i wish i was like a whole different person. i hate myself, my dad keeps saying "it's normal" or whatever, and it's one of the normal teenage behaviours and stuff. i hate that too. i'm a very hateful person. i feel like i've always been like this but maybe that's just my teenager-ness making me unable to look at the past without looking through the same lense. i view my friends or whomever i look up to as like gods compared to me, perfect and amazing beings. they give me happiness, so i just associate them with that and they become things of pure light in my subjective experience. this is probably unhealthy. i love my friends. espeically red and my boyfriend. they were both gone the other day, and i damn near had a breakdown. i feel like i'm putting up a mask all the time, if i were to let it down, i would just break down and scream at all times. i'm being intentionally socially isolated by my father, and its really hurting. i want to start a band, that'd be nice. wow, i'm all over the place right now. i expected from the movies that sex would rule my life by this point because i'm a teenager but i don't feel like that despite my relative success in that area. sometimes i wish life was more like the movies. i wish life was "better". god, i really am all over the place today. sometimes it feels like it's just me and a couple friends, honestly i like that. i never want to grow up. i better get this band on the road soon so i never have to grow up, i can just do my whole bucketlist in the next year or two and then die. is this the longest i've ever written on the weekend? it might be. crazy! i just wanna put more characters on here and i also need to vent sometimes and those two goals tend to come together to make this monstrocity! eeeeeeeeee. okay, i'm gonna talk with my boyfriend or red now.. actually my boyfriend is at work like always but i'll try to get in touch with red but i may not be able to, they tend to be a little hard to get ahold of. love you all, bye!

sun day

ugh.. i exist. you exist? how is your existence? oh wait you're just a READER! you can't respond directly! tehehehe. another week is going to happen next week, i have hope i'll make change though. a week from now i'll either be out of the hole i'm in, or dead. i'm just going to keep going as if this week doesn't define my entire life. procrastinate a little but not too much, get my school work done.. and maybe die if the justice system isn't on my side. but- what can you do i guess? beep boop. i wish i was a robot that goes beep boop instead of a human that goes wah wah like a little baby every time something goes wrong for her. ugh. maybe i should try to do an entry every day this week so that i can document whether things go good or bad. good news is that if i don't die my life will be like- fixed basically? that's gonna be great, i can focus on school and my band and my friends and it'll be great. i mean- i'll still have my crhonic mental health issues but i'll have actual help and much less stressors and triggers. okay, have a good day! bye bye!!

moon day

it's a new day, new me! except that the new me is basically indistiguishable from the old me. i said i was going to try to do one of these every day this week so i'm going to do that. and also because we a right on the cusp of 250K characters! i have to get to 270K to beat mckenzie. if i write at least 4K characters a day for these next 5 days i'll be ahead! oh god, this gives me flashbacks to the word quota. these flashbacks are completely metaphorical of course because i don't have a good enough memory to remember writing about it but it's written here by somebody that was presumably me so i must've had the memory of creating it at some point. i think the old character quota was 3,000, so i'll have to do even better than that. for reference, thusfar i have written approximately 800 characters. i have to do 4X this! every day! i'm definitely not going to be able to do it. especially because this week is the cutoff date for all my school assignments and i probably should work on those. although, i do only have like a 50/50 chance of making it to next week so if that is the case maybe i should work on passing mckenzie sooner. ya know, unless the snowflake has been damaged in some way, all snowflakes have exactly eight points? they can sometimes have 12 if two stick together but by default a single snowflake will always have 6 points due to the molocules of ice they are made out of forming hexagon (6 sided shape) patterns. if you ever see somebody make a snowflake with more or less than 6 points it's a snowFAKE and should be BURNED IMMEDIATELY! i've been learning to drive recently.. and by learning i mean literally just doing it. i've been driving around the area and listening to music, it's been nice. although it does require me be in the car with my dad which kinda sucks, but whatever he's nicer than normal when i'm driving anyway and we bond (to the extent to which we can "bond" at this point) over music. i haven't driven on the freeway yet though, that might be scary. idk. it kinda seems like the freeway would be easier tbh, maybe more dangerous but you basically just drive in a straight line so it's a lot less involved. guess i should probably try the freeway soon so i can like- go on roadtrips and stuff. i'm at the age where i could have my license and probably should've by now but in my state you HAVE to take drivers ed and i DONT WANNA so.. i'll probably just wait a little longer to get my full license. how many characters am i at? idk, i'll check. 2500 chars thusfar apparently, almost to the old word quota. let's see, if i write 3K a day for 5 days i'll have written 15,000 characters. i'll be at 265,000 by the end of the week at that rate. only a few thousand away from mckenzie, i can probably fill the remaining 4K or so just boasting about how i'm ahead now until he eventually comes out of LTE stasis and writes and rediculous amount and takes back 2nd place. who knows, maybe someday i'll even be ahead of knockton since he's kinda inactive for the forseeable future with college and all. maybe i'll get this published as a novel, like a memoir or something. i'll self-publish on amazon books or something. ya know, if i ever reach 500K characters i'll publish this as a real-life book! wouldn't that be funny! okay, gtg now to talk with red (one of my favourite things to do apparently), byeeeeeeeee!

mars day (apparently the etymology of tuesday? explains why it's martes in spanish though)

mckenzie mysteriously reffered to MARCH 4th as a date that something HUB related was going to happen but that was YESTERDAY and nothing has occured! anger! the holy pie god will send down it's divine retribution and smite thee if thou art not LTE-ing!! that's code 2 of the pink-ish pickle handbook BTW, yep that thing is still canon i decided. yeah, i keep saying this to make words but i must not be "real" any longer. i must be UNREAL. i must LTE, not do this sad journal thing. i love placing unnessesary restrictions and expectations on myself, can you tell?!?! tehehehe.

etadpu: mckenzie actually DID update today! it was about HUB renovations and the 4 year anniversary!

odins day (mercury day causes miercoles in spanish)

short entry today! i didn't write a whole lot cos it was a busy short day and i was playing triplanetary by email with red. maybe i'll write more tommorow or something.. hopefully. definietly not making the "quota" yesterday or today. bye bye peculiar pickle people!

friday (frigga day or day of venus (viernes))

eeeeeeeee, i am still alive. i think i'm okay right now. trying not to think about grades and just enjoy the moment (the moment being right now) and just chill out. been playing some guitar and having an okay time. i am excited for film class because i get to talk with red. i'm not feeling depressed right now! just anxious. that's nice. well i mean it's better than both. i wish it was tommorow already though. okay, i've discovered i'm not in the mood to write right now by asking myself "am i in the mood to write" and the answer being "not really" so byeeeeeeeeeee!

apparently it's been more than a year now since i created my homepage and made this a "real website" instead of a single random page with a lot of boring text on it and no formatting. now there is (barely) formatting, and extra features like a dynamic counter and.. a button that goes to the main page! woo, so much progress (not really). the main page is going to have something new and exciting on it soon and you may think "oh wow i wonder what that could be" and the truth of the matter is i'm thinking the same thing! i also don't know what is going to go there (yet). i guess we'll just have to find out, won't we? anyway, that's all for now. i have to go take a maths test soon, but i've been trying to care less about grades so maybe it won't suck. okay, bye!

my "just kidding, i dont exist" thing may have originated from the asperegus (cant be bothered to spell that right im in a rush) warfare page? the first message is "sorry, i dont exist".. weird. maybe it's just great minds thinking alike. just kidding, i dont exist!

hold on- why did i say yesterday was friday? (3/8/24)

uhhhhhh.. yesterday was thursday, today is friday. either i have amnesia, there is a groundhog day scenerio, or i somehow thought it was friday yesterday? i am so confused. okay, got to do math now. bye bye! i'll try to come back tommorow but no promises!

i didnt come back it's monday now

lol i had to go to a funeral (don't worry nobody i was close to) on saturday, so i did not write any this weekend. it is now moon day once again and i am tired and tired and did i mention a little bit tired. we're watching a video about colour theory in film class and i hate colours because i suck at seeing them.. weird that a half of my website name is a colour, but ig it is like "ish" which makes sense because i can only view colours as "close enough" to what they are called. i am not paying attention at all, i'm going to make the damn movie in monochrome so i don't have to worry about it. i am pretending to take notes about the colours but all i'm hearing is "blah blah blah blah colour blah blah". i wish that instead i could just talk with people all day instead of getting like limited time. i long for the feeling of not having anything left to talk about and getting bored because we've talked for so long but i don't get that very often nowadays because i am a bit isolated. warm light lmnmao color camnt tempiyure! hahahaha. red wrote that last bit, they spelt things so wrong i have no idea what it means but- it's there. jk i tge auther of pinkish piuckle wrote that, dw i wont lie 2 u again! :)

(as you can probably guess, red wrote that last bit too.)

i missed yesterday whattt (3/13/24)

yeah i didn't write any yesterday because it was a B-schedule day and also because i was (and am) working on a website for a secret society i'm totally not part of. has some pretty cool css animations and stuff, cool tabs and things. such top tier web development by yours truly. anyway, i have nothing else to say i just didn't want to go too many days (too many is apparently more than one at this point) without updating here. gotta add to that big old character count. such characters. all of them exist and stuff. i wrote them all with this here keyboard.. actually i didn't write them all with this keyboard, but probably most of them though. have i mentioned i type wrong? yeah, i don't do that homerow thingy and i type most characters with my pointer fingers but i have above average WPM so i don't really give a bleep. HEY, DID MY LTE JUST CENSOR ME?!?! reminds me of mckenzies LTE. speaking of, despite him supposedly working on the LTE hub i'm still listed as 4th place! blashphemy!! anywho, gonna try to get red to record some bass for some songs tommorow, and maybe do some backing vocals. then go on a world tour and be the bestest most coolest band ever! okay, seeya, love you byeee!!

whiletrue LTE update! (3/14/24)

YOU HEARD THAT RIGHT! for the first time in several years the whiletrue LTE has been updated, it's a sort of self-depricating final entry sort of thing but it is an expansion of the LTE nonetheless! woo! i have also updated my LTE recently.. which you probably already know because i'm doing it very often by LTE standards wherein LTE-ers regularly vanish for considerable amounts of time. also a mckenzie LTE entry! so many characters! i must "up my game" in order to get that 2nd place spot! it is required that i get the 2nd place spot!! i am writing characters! i am writing words! there are words on your screen that are taking up characters! that spot is as good as mine you NERD! also i am officially second (writing second because 2nd is shorter and i need more characters!) in the LTE hub because mckenzie finally updated the placements and characters counts which were immediatly invalidated because i expanded my character count with this entry! mwahahahahaha! also, i'm coming over the crest of 260K, mckenzie has also pulled ahead to 277K though so i once again have a while to go! i am currently eating school pizza which is bad but at least it's like real slices of pizza now until instead of like weird square things. i need to write more! mckenzie just said "that's what everyone says, smaller is better", i think that might be some information leaking through. i think that might be representative of some measurement of some other bodily part.. if you know what i mean. i am only a few hundred characters away from the 260 thousand character mark! that sentence might have done it! maybe this sentence did! i don't know! oh my lord i'm actually 20 characters away which means that actually this sentence puts me to over 260 thousand! woo! such hype! hyper! hyperactive! attention deficit hyperactivity disorder also known as ADHD is a psychological disorder often defined by poor focus (or occasionally hyper big super big large focus), poor impulse control, trouble with executive function such as routine and ordering of tasks which can lead to things like BAD GRADES IN SCHOOL! the WORST THING IN THE WHOLE WORLD! my grades in school actually define what kind of person i am for the REST OF MY LITTLE LIFE! woo! i love attaching arbitrary letters or numbers to represent peoples intelligence or ability in a given area! that's totally not bad and dystopian at all! woo! end stage capitalism is great! you should read my anti-facist anti-capitalist manifesto that is on the documents page of the white raven society website that i am in NO WAY associated with! you can find the link to that completely unrelated website in my last entry at like the beginging! begginging! bgienging! beggining?! how the hell do you spell that!??!?! AHHHHHHHHAAAAHHHHH! spellling is soft! just kidding it is very HARD! and by HARD i mean DIFFICULT! get your head out of the gutter! don't you know heads don't go in there?! those are for collecting rainwater and keeping it from seeping into the foundations of your home or something, not for storing HEADS! wow, look at all this writing i'm doing so quickly! aren't you scared??! aren't you scared mckenzie! i strike fear even into the eyes of the great knockton! someday i will be in the 1st place spot for all time with MILLIONS OF CHARACTERS!!! MWAHAHAHAAHAHA! i wonder how long it has been since i was last ahead of mckenzie? surely it's been quite a few {insert unit of time here}, right? maybe. then again, maybe NOT! this little class is over and i have nothing left to write about so i'm just going to GO AWAY now! bye byeeee!

the day i day (3/18/24)

i didn't write over the weekend, i am very tired today. i am ahhhhhhhhhhh! i saw mckenzie actually got a grid working, good job mckenzie, very nice grid. today is an A schedule even though it's a monday and should theoretically be an A/B schedule because we have friday off. dang. i have lunch after this class though, so that's nice. i get to talk at Red about various things that've peaked my interest recently which i know exist but i for some reason cannot remember right now? i guess it's probably better that i don't tell you dear reader about these hypothetical conversation topics just in case you (dear reader) are actually Red, in which case the conversation may be somewhat boring as i'd be restating (with likely the same phrasing, cos ya know, some person) what you had just read. i found out the word people used to use in old english before we started using the clockwise/counterclockwise system fo spin direction (probably because clocks hadn't yet been invented). the word for clockwise was turnwise (reffering to the way that the sun moves around the sky in the northern hemisphere) and the other word (for counterclockwise/anticlockwise) is WIDDERSHINS! what kind of maniac came up with the word widdershins?! i'm gonna go look at the etymology. apparantly it comes from a middle-german word that is very similar which means "against direction" (direction actually was a sort of synonym with "sun" at the time (the word for sun and direction were both "sin")) which makes sense but still a very funny word. also apparently going counterclockwise was associated with being unlucky, so.. huh. anyway, gotta go do work now. byeeeeeeeeeeeee!

the day after that last day

today is going alright, i got to talk to red in MIA. erm.. not much else has happened. the morning announcement video was wrong again about what lunch we are having, either the morning announcements people need to be checking closer to the day or the lunch ladies need to be more predictable.. probably something like a mix of both. i wonder how common being able to be 'in love' (however the hell you define that) with more than one person at a given point is.. strange that kind of thing can happen, right? how mysterious human emotions are.. feelings of reciprocated love (and other adjacent ones) are some of the best though (weird that i'm capable of like.. being loved by anbody, i'm not a very emotionally attractive person i wouldn't think..). speaking of human emotions, i've been feeling lots of those lately for many different reasons, some very negative and some very postive.. been a bit of a wild ride lately and also an anxious time because i'm just on the precipace of big changes in my life but i just gotta wait like a month first and that span of time is the perfect amount to be quite soon but also an eternity in different ways. i'm in one of those times where i'm wearing a lot of acessories. today i'm wearing glasses (those are also useful though), 7 rings, 2 bracelets, 2 scrunchies (as bracelets), and a necklace. and ALL of those individual items have different stories, like tattoos that you can take off (or misplace and never see again and then be sad). specifically the 7 rings have special emotional significance. i never take them off (except to get in the shower (after which i put them straight back on)). each one has specific memories and people attached to them and they come from various different places with their own memories and from different people. there is even some personal significance to which fingers rings go on (based (mostly) on which rings they are replacing). and i put them on in a specific place every time except for when i make deliberate changes to the order (i usually go at least months between changes). sorry to ramble about the rings.. ya know now that i think about it i've probably rambled about them before but i guess this is review. remember to do your LTE homework guys! it's times like this i wish i had a real private diary sort of thing instead of this not-so-private (but i guess relatively unknown) website. because there are some things i'd like to 'vent to the void' about in more detail but my outlet for that is a bit.. not actually void? i mean, if i talk about troubles with my parents, or with peers, there is a (small but noticible) chance it might get back to them or like 'in the wrong hands' and whilst i'm kinda an open book most of the time i still want to at least be a book with a front and back cover, ya know? some things (like stuff with my parents) are more time sensitive, so i can talk about them eventually just not now. ya know like.. nvm gtg.

the end is never the end (3/31/24) (this isn't an early april fools joke)

so.. you may have noticed the daily updates have stopped. that is unfortunately because the school district has blocked neocities entirely. this is.. highly problematic for several reasons. one of the main ones being i can no longer update this site from my school laptop. however, i am a stubborn bitch. so, i don't intend on ending this! as the reverand mother said: "our plans are measured in centuries, we have other prospects". entries will probably definitely slow down (epecially because i recently realized how behind (failing) at school i am and i need to fix that). but once i get school back on track expect entries to pick back up again because i can just write during school and then update the site later. so, you should expect entries in batches.. OR alternatively you'll never hear from me again, i will abandon this and the death counter will go off and everyone will think i'm dead. it is my destiny to be the next eon337. in a way, we (the LTE community) are all eon337. i guess never hearing from me again randomly has always been an option, remember when i dissapeared for a year in 2021? that was so silly. so.. maybe that will happen. maybe you'll get an entry from me next week. no idea. this text has helped me trumendously (that is probably spelled wrong) with my mental health surprisingly.. like a little outlet, so i can live in the present, if only for a few hundred characters. anyway, just wanted to let you know where i've been and where i'm going and all that. seeya later (or never again)!!

i wonder when i'll die (04/9/24)

Heya! I’m back after my LONG absence (1 week), just kidding, i don’t exist! I’d never reuse a joke ever! Anyway, i don’t really have much to say but i’m bored in class and i figured i should vent here because it’s one of my healthiest coping mechanisms. I listened to the acoustic version of the thrash particle by modern baseball on repeat for like an hour yesterday, i’m gonna listen to it again right now. Also, i’m editing this in a google doc which is technically controlled by the school so hopefully i haven’t write anything in here that would get flagged, i tried to redact some of the curse words in this version. Honestly idk why i pasted the whole thing in here to add to it as i’m only going to copy the text of this entry back into the LTE anyway.. It just feels wrong to write the LTE without having the rest of the LTE in the terminal.. or in this case in the google doc. In a way, i’ve returned to my roots.. This LTE started in a google doc, and it was destined to come back eventually i guess. I just got back from spring break yesterday, so that’s cool. I had a pretty good spring break, and then on monday i got to go over to reds house to hang out and watch the matrix. We had a good time.. Or at least i hope they had a good time, i certainly did. Mckenzie was thinking about setting up his own web hosting on a home server, that’d be cool. You know what isn’t cool? My back hurts, and my neck, and my limbs, and my head. I am achy all over for NO REASON! I played a bunch of dwarf fortress over the break, it was one of the only games i could get to run on my grandmothers chromebook (i used the inbuilt linux virtual machine). I was staying in my grandmothers attic for most of break, it’s nice up there. D&D is cancelled today, what a travesty. I’m gonna be all like “oh no why is D&D cancelled today, what a travesty”. So idk what i’m gonna do after school lol, i’m tired today. More than yesterday. Which is weird because i got more sleep that night than last night. My hands feel dry but in like.. A bad way. I feel dehydrated even though i’ve drank more than usual, maybe i didn’t drink enough yesterday? No, i had some milk at red’s.. I have no idea. My body is an enigma. I don’t get it, ya know? I don’t think it gets me either. It keeps whining at me in the form of pain and i ignore it because that is the “correct” thing to do, or so i’ve somehow convinced myself. I’m in spanish class now, isn’t that silly. I think there is things i’m forgetting but i’ve been distracted by various things, most of which i can’t say here. Spelling is hard jesus, i just misspelled “anyway” 4 or 5 times. Wow. anyway, bye byeeee! Love you all loyal readers!

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